by Olajide Taiwo
You know the way certain things stare you in the face, yet you never notice until they poke you in the nose? That’s how this matter is to me – it has always been occuring, but I have never paid attention.
I was standing over a bidet in a densely populated men’s room at a wedding reception last weekend. I guess we all were experiencing the aftermath of downing several glasses of Chardonnay earlier. Anyway, I was quietly doing my own business, aiming my stream of ammonia at the half dozen camphor balls that were in the receptacle; wondering what they were doing there anyway. Then I noticed a bobbing movement to my left. Being a tad homophobic, I stealthily watched from the corner of my eye. The occupant of the next bidet, was checking out my… er… well, my nozzle. Quickly, I finished my business, zipped up my fly and huffed out the room. He was comparing my ‘thing’ with his! What the hell? If you’ve ever taken a leak in a public restroom, you will understand what I’m saying.
What is the fascination we men have with penile size? Why does it seem penile measurement is the measure of a man? I ask, not as a rhetoric but out of a desire to know why men, from a tender age are overly concerned with the development of our willies in comparison with others’. This insane competition starts at childhood, when we try to see whose pee, among we and our playmates’, can form the highest arc; then in sports, and subsequently as adults – who’s got the power suit, power tie, power steering. Rarely do we try to find out who’s got the higher IQ…
Women may brag about their partners’ shagging abilities while gossiping with girlfriends, but I think they would prefer a gentle, caring, sincere man to a cocky, shallow-minded pipelayer any day. Right, ladies?
I’ve seen a bit of this achievement crazed world to know that possesions – clothes, cars and cribs – do not make a man. Neither does the Royal Python (apologies to Fela) in his pants. What really is important is the level of his intelligence, his empathy for others and the content of his character. Size really doesn’t matter!