About a month ago some of my single friends and members of the young wives association were having our usual gist sessions and we discussed every thing from career, fashion, music, fellowship and finally we hit on marriage.
I was teasing one of them, who is a couple of years older than l am about when she would finally get married and without even letting me land one of the other single ladies present scowled at me and asked “is the marriage thing really worth it sef?”
I was amazed because this is someone who was so into love and relationships back in our Uni days.
What could have happened in the last 5 years to make her say that?
When she narrated different stories of unsettled homes less than 6 months in marriage and some other marriage issues I began to understand her viewpoint.
Lately social media has taken us into the homes of some of our beloved celebrities and we all have started to realize that beyond the glitz and glamour of expensive weddings, Vera Wang gowns, Mai Atafo suits, Instagram and Facebook loved up posts,#MCM and #WCW real life issues come up in all marriages.
Trust me I’m not speaking as an expert or anything like that because the truth is when it comes to marriage, no one is an expert.
All I know is that marriage requires some kinda major level of commitment that if you know you ain’t ready for all that, just ‘jejely’ and ‘gbadunly’ stay single.
You can’t think for yourself anymore in marriage
Another thing I would say is if you aren’t ready to stay through the good and the bad,happy and sad times,boxed up and broke ass times then just maybe marriage is not really your thing.
Look at our parents, many of them started from the bottom and now they have risen to greater heights because they were patient with each other and they never gave up but what we see today is women or even men who want someone with a million dollar bank account.
Not like that’s a bad thing but let’s be real we don’t have so many of those out there,our economy is hard enough so everyone is a general manager of the little change they earn, so why not pick your own man or woman and build that million dollar empire together?
Like I said earlier I’m no expert in these marriage thing either but one of the major reasons I wrote this is to let people know that as much as it is good to build your home on Christ, he would not come down and work it out for you, I stand to be corrected.
But i think it’s your job to work out your marriage with fear and trembling.
Even the bible says faith without works is dead so asides putting faith and belief in God to make your marriage a great one, it requires your effort and no it’s not just some minimal effort but thoughtful , planned and consistent effort from both parties.
Let that CCT formula never ever be forgotten:
Communication (not just ‘wetin we go chop this night’ kinda talk but are you happy being married to me kinda talk on a regular so things can keep improving,share thoughts and ideas)
Care (not just i love you after each phone call but how far with your goals for the year that’s some deep level of caring and commitment to your spouse,the little things count)
Trust (don’t get all paranoid because that sister admired his dressing, quit the ‘where were you 2 minutes ago’ questions trust your spouse and be trust worthy too).
All in all marriage is a full time job there is no part-time to it, so be ready to “work, work , work, work ,work, work” *in Rihanna’s voice*.
Marriage can be beautiful, ask couples who have done for it 40 years and counting but it’s not beans.
For those who are not married yet, please do a lot of getting to know each other and let God guide you.
Be sure you can stick to that person when the beauty and charm begin to fade and when the money goes honey would you be ready to stay? Think about it.
Those are my thoughts, so if you ask me i think Marriage is worth it.
Marriage is honourable in all.
Till I write you again, toodles.
Op–ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija
Tolu Oluwaseyi-Daniel is a writer with passion for the subject love and relationships in general.
She’s a wife, mom and true love advocate. You can read other articles from her on www.lqueenwrites.com