Opinion: When her ex sticks around ….

by Demola Rewaju

But it doesn’t stop there… you need to keep tabs on the opposition because guess what? He’s keeping tabs on you and he’s doing it unashamedly, he’s lost the girl so he has little to lose but all to gain.

Maybe it’s because we know how to do it that it hurts so much. Or maybe it’s because we don’t know how to do it. Either way, it’s upsetting when you’re dating someone and their ex keeps calling…for what exactly nau? This of course, refers to someone you’re steadily dating and also makes the assumption that you don’t have exes still on your case. If you’re still playing ‘anything can happen’ with your ex, it’s just better to ignore the steps below because a lady usually knows when you’re still playing games except she chooses to ignore. Back to the ex…

The annoying part for me sometimes is when the girl keeps playing the innocent victim or defending him: “I see him as just a friend now” or “he’s too mature to think we can have anything”. The worst one is when she starts taking shots at you “don’t tell me you’re being insecure”…ouch!

You know, some of these ladies think we’re all just made of wood and stone and many brothers like to keep up that impression by forming “I don’t send”, yet, when the phone rings and she either mutes the ringtone or steps into the kitchen, you’re tempted to follow to hear what she says next after “wassup?” Or “hey you!”

For the sisters who read this column to know what we talk about: nobody likes exes…especially guys. Some of us know just what to do or say to set a less than three months old relationship involving our exes on fire. Because we know this, we want to avoid it with you and the reason is because we care.

Matter of factly, if a girl still encourages her ex to call by taking his calls when she’s with you or calling him back or putting up his pix on her dp (who does that? Apart from a guy?), then she doesn’t respect you enough and she has to go. Period.

Bring up the matter just once. Anything more than that is talking too much and it will backfire. Immediately she takes the call or starts gisting you about him, shut her down with gentlemanly politeness by asking what broke them up. Once you start talking about this, you’re reminding her, not of what she misses but of what made her leave him in the first place. If she was the one that was left, she remembers the pain she went through and while her head is in that emotional space, remind her of what she has with you and how you can both work to build something better.

You know why she’ll tell you about what he did wrong? First, she’s a lady. Secondly, she’ll want to use that opportunity to tell you not to do the same thing the ex did. Either way, you would have successfully shifted her focus from all Mr Ex did right to what he did do wrong.

But it doesn’t stop there… you need to keep tabs on the opposition because guess what? He’s keeping tabs on you and he’s doing it unashamedly, he’s lost the girl so he has little to lose but all to gain. He can call her up (just to stay in touch or to talk about his sick mother) and after making her smile fifteen times in thirty minutes and reminding her of the great fun they used to have, he’ll innocently ask: “how’s that your new boyfriend?” See: to the ex and your babe, you’ll always be the ‘new boyfriend’ even if you’ve been dating her for three months.

You on the other hand have more to lose and this isn’t just about the girl anymore brov… it’s about you. You need to know what he’s up to but you can’t ask directly like he does. You should wait for a very playful moment and just ask as casually as Thierry scores the goal: “what of that your ex sef?” But you’ve got to look into her eyes at that exact moment. Any answer other than “he should be fine” or “I guess he’s fine” means you need to probe further. The trick is to be laid back no matter what she says. By asking, you’ve shown you know there might be a threat. Asking nonchalantly means you can’t be threatened. Asking seriously shows the guy is a threat to you and she’ll go back to him just to find out why…

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

 

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Comments (2)

  1. Let me call the ex… you mess up, i'm here to offer a warm shoulder to cry on.

  2. Very funny, has it ever occurred to you that we the "exs" might read it and it might benefit us the same way it will benefit the new bf??? Nice try sha.

cool good eh love2 cute confused notgood numb disgusting fail