by Janhabee Borah

 

 

 

So, what is it that young teens and their moms talk about when they talk sex? There’s a fair chance that you haven’t been able to ‘shield’ your no-so-little one from the onslaught of titillating sex-related content and information on TV, Internet, everyday language (read: slang) and even explicit song lyrics. The best way to have the sex talk, is to serve it straight up.

 

The more honest you are and the more information you share, the better your teen is prepared to take care of her sexual health and form meaningful relationships as an adult.

You can touch upon three topics – talk about sex and sexual health, secondly, tell your child that she has the power to own her sexuality and thirdly, share how to approach sex in a relationship. You can begin with the health part first, as a warm up conversation and then move on to the others over time, which might stretch from a couple of weeks to months.

Also, there is no right or wrong way to talk about sex. Be candid and know that you are ‘empowering’ your child with the right knowledge that is backed by love and experience.

What is sex?

If your girl hasn’t hit puberty, start by talking about the changes in her body. Tell her about hormones and the role they play for grown-ups. You can get technical here and even show her illustrations of ovaries, uterus, cervix, vagina and how they are related. The good part is, your body is no different from hers and you can start the conversation with – Do you know you and I are the same?

Then let the chat drift towards the function of each part and how they come together to form a baby. This is when she will ask you – So, did you and Daddy do it? (Be prepared to be judged.) Take this opportunity to get philosophical with the classic – Love is so powerful that it can create life! Or, you can take a humourous approach explaining why the sperm and egg meet the way they do and not in the stomach because that’s where they will get digested. So, welcome the genitals!

Throughout the conversation, she might be embarrassed or disgusted but there is no room for you to be the same, lest she get completely turned off by the chat. The whole point of the conversation is to educate your child about her body and the technical aspect of sex.

Why do people have sex?

Definitely for the fun of it! Okay, so you have been very clear about baby-making as the obvious reason to have sex. But, what about sex for pleasure and love. You need to point out that sex is a way of expressing love and affection when two people are in a committed relationship like a marriage.

You might be bombarded with questions about having crushes and eternal love et al. Remember, your teen might be talking about her crush. That’s when you share about not having sex as a minor and how you need to reach a certain age to enjoy it more. You can tell your curious teen that as her body grows and she reaches adulthood, her body is prepared to ‘handle’ the act. As they say, there is a time for everything. Love can only culminate into love-making when her body is prepared for it. Keep it simple and you will earn her trust.

Talking about protection

Since we are on the topic about the right time to have sex, let’s put the cards on the table when it comes to protection. This begins with using the right protection, which includes condoms and birth control. It is not enough to just talk about the condom. Bring out of the packet, get a banana or cucumber (or anything that comes close to the PeePee) and demonstrate how to use it. Recommend using a lubricant to avoid the fear of tearing the condom. You can have fun with this, really. Sharing ‘real life’ stories is the best way to bond. You just have to be your daughter’s ‘more informed’ friend.

Don’t throw figures at her that demonstrate the rise in teenage pregnancy or abortion. She might sense judgment if mere figures are thrown.

Bring out the birth control strip and tell her how you planned your pregnancy. Dropping your guard will send out the signal that she can come to you with all kinds of questions, even the most embarrassing ones. There is nothing like being open and honest.

The know-how about sexual health

Tell her what you use to clean your lady parts and why you do so. Sometimes movies are the best teachers and you can get together to watch a movie like Philadelphia. Yes, it is a heart-breaking movie, but that is a great way to get the conversation started about AIDs and HIV. This in turn will open up the treasure trove to discuss other sexually transmitted diseases such as herpes, genital warts and Hepatitis B & C, among others.

It’s the kind of talk that can border on her getting petrified of the act. So, discuss from the point of view of how she can stay protected and secure her health. On another note, she will learn to gain more compassion towards those who have been inflicted with non-curable sexual conditions rather than giving into the stigmas attached.

Sexual empowerment: The Power to say ‘Yes’ and ‘No’

There is no escaping the consistent come-hither content in ads, TV shows, movies, sites, songs and so on. And, there is no denying the fact that your teenager will talk about sex, read about sex, laugh about sex-related slangs and jokes with her friends. She might just come home one day and tell you that she is dating. Stay open so that she can come to you to ask for assistance when she wants to make the choice to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

After all, her choices will be guided by the information that you shared, or didn’t share. So, communicate and talk about sex, as you want to bring her up to be confident about her sexual choices. Don’t project your worries, because she will turn out fine… just as you.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.