[31^st October to 5^th November]

By ‘Ifreke Inyang [@Ifreke]

 

MONDAY: The week began with @habbey07’s moaning: “I had a terrible weekend! It will surprise you to know that I couldn’t wait for Monday.”

@usonwanne couldn’t wait for something else: “My Dad is back from Yankee today. I can’t wait to rip his bags open! *expectant face*” she gushed.

@tyrunsewe didn’t know what he wanted for his birthday and he didn’t like people asking either. His tweet said: “Hate it when people ask me what I want for my birthday. I’m the most indecisive person in the world. Are you trying to torture me?”

Someone on twitter had a dark side and @ene_orokpo sniffed him out. “So you follow me cuz someone u like tweets at me….dats Twitter stalking…*sigh*..logs out!” she tweeted.

TUESDAY: A new month began today.

@Gbollyseun spent the day all by himself. He tweeted: “1st day of the month …well spent …Had a Me time today.”

@DrewBaba was out and about and saw some of his friends dressed up in clothes he found quite amusing. “All my lesbian friends have to wear skirt in Law School.. Saw one today.. It was so funny on her..” he tweeted.

@Jenniphere001 ditched the make-ups and went o-naturale. “Went the whole day without makeup!” she tweeted. “Someone said I lukd berra without it! Hmmm…”

@Mc_Cutie92 couldn’t wrap his mind around the way girls dressed. He asked in his tweet: “Somethin’ I will never understand is girls who wear boots with some booty shorts… Are they cold? Cuz I’m confused 0_o”

WEDNESDAY: @xsta_xxx  felt her twitter avatar was a size 20 instead of a 4. “I swear…this avatar looks slimmer in the camera album. Itz Like Twitter doubled my size.. L”

@MOsallyHITS also had her weight on her mind.  “Looking Forward to Leaving Warri, They have Killed me With Food and Drinks, My Tummy aint it again☹ Sad Sad Sad! *throws Chin Chin in Mouth*”

@Sal_Vador_took some time out to rant about something else. “I just don’t know how d oracle can manage to display stupidity and still dwell on it!! Wtf? MERMAIDS? Really?” he fumed in his tweet.

THURSDAY: @why_FAT_though had a suggestion for Twitter. He tweeted: “Twitter should charge people that complain about their relationship #200 per tweet. That’ll shut their ass up!”

@toptosyn couldn’t get enough of her family members even on social networks. Thankfully none of them has poked her yet. “Kai! If my younger cousin isn’t following me on twitter, the even younger one is friending me on facebook AND reading my updates to my mum!” she tweeted.

FRIDAY:  Someone had a lot on their mind- @itweetZOBO didn’t like people tweeting what they’ve not experienced before. He tweeted: “Imagine people ‘ tweetin 4words before sex’ wen they’ve neva sin a nude lady or cumin d**k before!”

There were quite a lot of tweets about Baba Suwe’s release from detention, after being arrested on suspicion of having drugs in his system.

@TheTabonHumorer didn’t understand why he got N500,000 compensation. “Baba Suwe gets N500k as compensation 4 “damages”??…WTF?! I’m too sure they found d “substance” in his excreta! #NaijaNoni” he tweeted.

Still on fashion, @delecredible wondered why some guys dressed the way they did. “What some boiz are putting on these days tho.. SMH *later dem go dey say no Homo*” he asked.

SATURDAY: “That bird stole my look”: @bimpeolar fell victim of a fashion faux pas when she turned up at a gig in the same outfit as some of the guests. “Na wa oo!” she tweeted. “It nw looks as if I’m frm one big family becos of this aso-ebi I’m wearing with over a million ppl at dis party!”

Moving on to sports @Kneeyie wondered how Arsenal, would perform in their next league games. His tweet was: “So Newcastle and Liverpool would inevitably cede points. Chelsea is only 3 points above us now, so we need a draw from them in d next 3 games.”

@oluwaseun_xyz was  looking forward to the Ed holidays. “Thank God for Sallah. Na to sleep, watch movies and eat meat levels o!”

 

Gbagaun of the week: Have your pick!

@lawrytta: I just dresses up for nothing

@AdRil_: Does eatin too much kills?

@CntBeBotherd That moment when you can’t decide whether to say hi or just keeping walking.

@EbunoLuwAneLka: i dnt want a respond

@Mr_Latin: Now I can twitter from my blackberry.

@SLIMSTALK: The nigeria police is not strong in catches criminals… I cry 4 dis country
@Spagkhalifa: My battery ιѕ about to ‘dead

@Gentlewoman_x: every girls will crush on a bad boy at least once in her life

@fejirodinho: He is back….from the die

@missitii: @DavidArchie did you shooted the video there?

@Rinolee: What does it feels like to ‘smash’ an albino?

@cydricksams: I’ve learnt that blackberry is an addicted that is only misused by people

@LalaGidiBoss: And I like GURLZ who has a BIG buttocks

@PengBoiz: there are more percentage of Hoes than the good girls azin the gap is a whooping one!
@timpadrino: Miss_Jayla his a growth up now that’s why

@SLIMSTALK: Hi, I’m slimstalk.. And I’m NOT more a twitter addict

@DONSOKIZ: I have a confessing to make!!!…..I af been playing “Caro” by myself with myseff #Hey! Level of Boredom! Fierce

@putrinoaa: #iGetRealMadWhen I’m sleep someone turn off the air conditioner
@iambukowla: Hausa people says theirs anywhere they meet their people
@SIRCRESPO: To a glutton keep all d food to her self is being a champion

@Nerbilerh LMFAO!!! She shud planning it
@dolapotogbasky: All dese female rappers shld stop wearing dressed 😐
@Dwaynebaybeey: The time has come to stands up for what we believe in

 

Recommended: Follow @NawteeNancy and @Gidi_Traffic this week

Rant of the week: @steffaniez: “S/O 2 all the guys dat come here hating on virgins, wen u have a daughter! Destroy her hymen b4 she’s 14! Mofos!”
Tweet of the week: @Jollz:” I just want to curl up in a ball, have ice cream and hum Igbo songs.”

Retweet of the week:  @TEGAMOHITS tweeted and asked: “Any cool naija bb app I can download ? Hola People :)” @ScriptKidd retweeted and said: “Saworo ide for blackberry”

Seriously tweeting: @Sirkastiq: “Someone should tell these choir people that its ‘Lord’ not ‘Lor’ What did they do to the ‘d?”
 SUBstance: @Lamide_: Because TweetOracle Did Not Pay Your BIS Money, You Are DissinG Him On Twitter, You Are Just #SuperLame

Quote my tweet: @GoldieHarvey: “Read My rants and shush! If you can’t handle it? Unfollow me!!! Don’t tweet at me or reply me if ur dumb and ur brain can’t handle sense!!!”

 Did you miss this tweet? @CassBaba: “Can u find ur way 2 Oshodi? if u can, just call me wen u get there and I will giv u directions. Hw early u gonna come?”

 

 Foot Note: Many thanks to @PengBoiz for providing some of the tweets used in this roundup. You can also become a YNaija twicorrespondent too. It’s quite easy. Get funny, witty and interesting tweets from your timelines and send them to me.