by Frank Kobola
Faking: it’s not just for women, it’s also for men who want to nap.
1. He mumbles “I came” unenthusiastically. Everyone loves to come. If he’s casually announcing it with the same level of enthusiasm he uses for getting a coupon book in the mail, odds are he’s lying.
2. He screams like he’s coming needles. It feels good, but if he’s screaming in your ear as opposed to making a few awkward noises and scrunching up his face like he normally does, he’s probably overselling it.
3. There is no semen anywhere. Guys don’t come invisible ink. If it’s not in a condom or somewhere in/on one of you, chances are there was no orgasm.
4. He still has a boner. Boners usually go away once you’ve exhausted all their resources, like a coal mine collapsing in on itself.
5. He runs into the bathroom immediately afterwards. He might be trying to masturbate. Listen for the sound of baseball cards moving through the spokes of a bicycle. If there’s no bicycle in there, he’s probably finishing himself off.
6. He falls asleep immediately afterwards. Dude needed his REM sleep so badly, he faked it for a nap. Trust me, it happens.
7. He goes on and on about how good it was. If he’s using phrases like “boy howdy, that was swell!” and “golly gee, that sure was great!” over and over as opposed to collapsing with a satisfied smile, those remarks might not be genuine.
8. His buildup to orgasm comes out of nowhere. If he’s half-assing his thrusts (literally?), and then suddenly explodes with the passion of a thousand volcanoes out of nowhere, that might’ve been his way of calling it quits. Or maybe he just got a cramp.
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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.