(plural stans)

 A derivative of the words “stalker” and “fan”. Used to describe a certain type of overly obsessive fan, generally of a popular musician or actor. Made popular by Eminem in his song “Stan”. Prone to behaviour that can lead to them being mistaken for hybrids of humans and rabid animals.

If you’re an active reader of music blogs and things of the sort, you’ve probably come across a few stans. In fact, chances are you’re one yourself, and somewhere during the course of reading this post you will get offended, as seems to be the case with most stans.

Pretty much all stans have their own stereotypes attached to them, (mostly in jest and with no serious harm meant) with some of the most popular being that Beyonce stans are unintelligent (due in no small part to this study) and Bon Iver stans are simply confused teenagers who deceive themselves into believing they can tell the difference between one of his songs and the next, simply because they believe there’s some form of hipster credibility attached to liking him. There’s also the notion that all Lady Gaga stans are depressed sexuality confused teens but that’s of little consequence right now.

Well, blogger SheiFunmi has decided to give us a little insight into the general characteristics of stans of popular Nigerian artists. Most, are apparently either homosexual, unattractive, unintelligent, or some undeniably hilarious combination of the three. Check it out below.

The Olu Maintain stans

– Most deadly stan group.
– They live in the past and are basically regarded as old school
– They tend to reminisce a lot about artistes such as Edris Abdulkareem, Tony Tetula, BigLo, who are certainly no where to be found and have committed career suicide.

The UTI Fans

– Mostly gay boys that are skinny, teenagers and early 20′s
– The often still get allowance
– They talk big but can’t fight and lie to him about how good his music is
– Also artsy lesbians into modelling and fashion

The Joke Silva Stans

– They still live in the 90s
– They have no memory of 2000s and always refer to her early days of acting
– They fail to realize she might soon require oesophagal surgery if she keeps straining her buccal muscle in effort to overpronounce every word.

The D’banj Stans

– Mostly gays & obese girls from 18-30 also razz and not so razz boys that don’t know what class is, especially when and where to take wine or the appropriate time to take champagne, everything is champagne, hennessy and moet to them
– Still in the university trying to graduate and or swallow and get involved in oral transactions for Gucci bags
– Think that the response to every comment is “oshey, don’t get it twisted”

The Wizkid stans

– They know nothing about music or history of music
– Mostly skinny pretty girls between ages 16 – 27
– The think everybody is a “Hater”
– They do not only attack your twitter or facebook when you give a sincere-brutal comment on him, they mess with your IP address and block you on twitter especially when they are not following you.
– Hate to admit his wrong doings and love for marijuanna

The Tiwa Savage Stans

– They call her the only diva in Nigeria’s entertainment industry
– Never want to admit that she looks like a drag queen and applies way too much earth clay instead of Mary Kay pancake.
– They attack your site when you make a review about her and attack your IP address, twitter and facebook
– Oh, they hate SheiFunmi, forgetting he is a fan of Tiwa and knows all her music history right from her early days
– They always chant “Tiwa is a grammy artist”. As if…Pfffttt

The Denrele Stans

– Wear bright contacts
– Can’t wear anything other than skinny jeans, bodysocks and saggy tights
– Slightly old females that tend to be faghags or beards to closeted gay men
– Extremely effeminate (males) in nature
– They always think they are mad or equally as crazy he is

The DavidO Stans

– Generally young adults male and female wanting to date him
– They only admit his scandal with Sonia in DMs
– They secretly save his shirtless pictures and photos with his dimples vividly showing
– They secretly hate wizkid and see them (wizkid and davido) as competitors

The Omawumi Stans

– Love the fact that she is razz
– Never want to admit Waje is a better singer and Omawumi is overshadowing her
-They are hyperactive and can often dance their butt off
– They are still mad that she didn’t win Idol, also they don’t like Timi Dakolo

The Yinka Davies/ Yemi Alade stans

– They think that screaming is the same thing as singing
– They attack more successful artists
– They are often invisible

The Lami Stans

– Does she even have any?

The M.I Stans

– Can’t name rappers besides Iceprince & Naeto C
– Think they are poetic in nature
– Rapper wannabes

So, where do you stand? Can’t find your category? Don’t worry, he’ll be out with part 2 soon!