When we wrote about the illegal practice of stealthing that is currently gaining popularity in homosexual and heterosexual relationships, little did we realise, this was only an augury of a far more disturbing phenomenon, the violation of women’s reproductive rights in relationships as a method of control for their partners. There is a whole discussion that needs to be had around this.

A lot of women are in physically or emotionally abusive relationships. Centuries of patriarchal conditioning has reinforced expectations that women are only ‘property’ of men, who gain ownership through birth or marriage. It has also reinforced the belief that that ownership must be reinforced when women start to assert independence. The primary tool for asserting ownership of women in a relationship is usually violence or the threat of violence. But eventually violence fails, and women walk away from abusive relationships. Increasingly men are turning to children as a way to ensure women stay in abusive relationships and are ensuring that women stay in abusive relationships by taking away a woman’s ability to control her reproductive health.

A woman in an abusive relationship who has a child with her abuser is doubly trapped. In a society (all societies so far) where the average woman earns significantly less than a man with identical skill sets and education, a victim of abuse with a child is often forced to rely on the father of the child for financial support, and that link is enough for the abuser to continue to physically or verbally abuse the woman. There is also the societal pressure to not ‘separate’ a child from his/her father, even when the father is abusive, especially when the father is abusive. Abusers use this pressure to their advantage.

When men say they are forcing their spouses to check if they are still ‘virgins’ or if their vaginas have ‘widened’ from intercourse with partners outside their relationship, it is a form of denying a woman control over her reproductive health. Denying a woman access to contraception is also a form of abuse. And abusers will often get violent when they discover their partners do not want to conceive children with them, often leading to death.

However, contraception is vital for women in abusive relationships. Vital.

Here’s a concise list of the kinds of contraception available and how safe they are for women with abusive partners intent on controlling their reproductive health. Thankfully all the methods listed here are available at most maternity clinics in Nigeria.

It could save a life.

Editor