This evening as the rain hits every surface; the roof, the walls, the ground, people, I feel at ease. Please before I continue, I want you to know that these words I write mixed with love is all I have for you. So, I feel at ease in my spirit, soul and body. This feeling is not the one you get from the acquisition of the things of this world. The things of this world offers you limited feelings. This feeling of ease comes with with a whole new level of spirituality. It comes with a different kind of high. The type of high that fills you with positive energy because we all need that once in a while.

Once upon a time, I was a broken child filled with the darkness and bleakness that brings about sadness, pain and emptiness. They called it depression. This depression,  amongst my people, it was not accepted. It was believed to be the white man’s disease. Oh! It was a disease with symptoms like sadness, emptiness, loss of self, tears, what if’s and worthlessness.

It drags you through its darkness and it doesn’t start from your body but your soul. Slowly and slowly you just find out that you are losing your essence until all that is left is your spirit staring at your body working alone. It is hard when you have nobody to talk to because you just begin to drown in this sea of negativity to give a meaning to what is happening to you.

Then one day after feeling nothing for a long time, maybe you want to feel something, someone who also has this disease will tell you that cutting your body a little, so that people don’t see it will bring your soul back for a short period of time. Then you are happy or you think you are happy. You think you have the strength to continue fighting. Then you just suddenly feel yourself drowning in that sea again and before you know it, crash! You are no longer in control.

My dear! On the day when that darkness and filth comes around, cry if you want to and you can tear your clothes if you want to. Just let it run its course.

But when you finish expressing your emotions in every way you think you can, don’t you dare wallow in self pity and think you are not enough. I want you to call on your God because He truly is your life anchor and safe haven. “My saving grace in time of trouble”, that is what I call Him. Then you call yourself every beautiful name you can remember. Even if you don’t believe it, keep calling yourself that until you do.

Now, when those demons of negativity try to fight you and try to overpower you. I want you to call yourself or even write down the opposite of every negative word your mind is conjuring. To fight darkness, you don’t just panic and move blindly, you will only cause more harm. You have to get a hold of yourself without forgetting yourself and find your light. So, today when you try that  and life throws you back on the ground, don’t give in to the pain. Instead turn to the one who wont let you down but give you the strength to keep fighting, not man but the creator of man. Now, speak life into your body and call your soul back.

Now when my soul started returning to my body and started finding its essence. I looked around me for the first time in a long time and started noticing that emptiness in peoples eyes. The sad thing is they didn’t even know they had it. So maybe one day, that darkness they can’t seem to fight consumes them because they don’t know what to do.

Sadly, they cut all ties their soul has with their body and frees it because they think that way the pain will stop, that way I wont feel empty anymore. So, I tell you when your soul returns, love the people you meet because everybody is looking for someone to connect to. Help that girl or boy, that man or woman, that child or adult you see with empty eyes and symptoms of this dark disease by loving them. God is love and sometimes all we can do is love a person and pray that they are filled with strength to fight their own battles and carry them through.

I am grateful to my God for where I am right now. As I listen to the rain, I understand it’s the little things that matter at the end of the day. You know, like buying a hot cup of coffee for a stranger who has been working in the cold, dancing in the rain, praying for somebody, telling that child or adult you love them and spreading love the best way you can. I realize, I have been touched by the rain. So, when I get dirty again and that darkness tries to consume me and life also tries to break me, I run to the rain knowing the rain will cleanse me.

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This entry was submitted as part of the Nigerian Voices competition organized by YNaija.com