by Kiri Blakeley
You are constantly making excuses for his behavior by saying things like, “He’s not usually like this,” or “He’s been under a lot of stress lately,” or “He had a bad childhood.”
Are you addicted to a man or men?When we think of addiction, we don’t generally think in terms of relationships, but an addiction can apply to any activity you continue to engage in despite severely negative physical or emotional consequences. People can get addicted to pretty much anything. And if it means you are using the addiction, whether it be to working out, texting, Facebooking, watching sports, or doing drugs — to either avoid your feelings or to fill an emptiness inside — it’s not good. A relationship can give you a “high” just like a drug can, and yes, you can get addicted to relationships. If that relationship is a good, healthy one, it’s not so bad to be consumed by it (though healthy people generally do not get “consumed” by one thing). But if it’s a toxic relationship that leads to stress, obsession, or physical or emotional harm, then you really want to take a good, hard look at what is going on. Here are 15 signs you’re a manaholic.
1. You feel “empty,” “out of sorts,” “restless,” or otherwise “off” if you are not with your man or not in a relationship.
2. You need to be with your man, despite feeling worse when you’re with him than without him.
3. You overeat, drink alcohol, or take prescription medication to deal with the stress of your relationship. You may even overengage in normally healthy activities like running or doing yoga to avoid thinking about your relationship or “getting away” from it.
4. You often have thoughts like “I should leave” or “I should divorce him” or “This relationship isn’t good” but can’t seem to do any actions that might upset the relationship.
5. You pity or look down on single women or think something like, “I may be unhappy but thank god I’m not single.”
6. The idea of being single frightens or depresses you.
7. You are constantly making excuses for his behavior by saying things like, “He’s not usually like this,” or “He’s been under a lot of stress lately,” or “He had a bad childhood.”
8. You are convinced you can change him if you only do a, b, or c. Or d, e, f!
9. You think keeping your marriage together is more important than being at peace, being content, being happy, or standing your ground on issues that are important to you.
10. You think once you meet that “magic man” or make your man into what you want, then you will be happy.
11. You look to men or your man to make you happy. You think that no one is happy without a relationship.
12. You equate being with a man to being “successful” in life. If you break up or get divorced, you feel you’ve “failed.”
13. You have physical problems like high blood pressure, heart palpitations, skin rashes, exhaustion, or other stress-related health issues that weren’t there before you got involved with your man.
14. You are constantly trying to manage/control him and his behavior. You are determined to make sure he gets a job, doesn’t cheat again, stays off the computer, stops contacting his ex, stops drinking, gets therapy, or manages his money better.
15. You can’t have a conversation without saying, “He said … ” “He did …” “He thinks …” etc.
There are lots of other symptoms where this came from, and if even one applies to you, I suggest you get some help in the form of a therapist who specializes in relationship addiction. You could also read the book Women Who Love Too Much.
Read this article in The Stir
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.