by Akash Riua
All relationships take time and effort. But, if things that should come naturally such as seeing her, taking her out, spending time with her – are an effort, then there’s a real issue there.
1. It’s an “I” Relationship
As clichéd as this sounds, a relationship is about “we”. The moment she turn it into an “I” relationship and refuses to change, it’s time to part ways. When it’s an “I” relationship, she won’t even see that she’s in the wrong. Everything begins and ends with her and while I realise men have to make more of an effort, it’s nice to get something in return. If you find yourself giving and getting nothing in return, it’s time to give the relationship the boot.
2. It’s About Her… All the Time
You’re unwell, she makes it about her; you ask about why she didn’t contact you, she makes it about her; you tell her about a problem at work, she makes it about her. See a pattern? This is a menacing pattern that’s not going away soon. If she sees nothing but herself all the time every time, it’s time to tell her to have a relationship with herself. You can be sure no one else will have one with someone who’s so self-obsessed.
3. Lies Aren’t White Anymore
There are the one-off lies in a relationship, I get that. But if you find yourself depending on lies to keep her happy, then there’s a problem. You’re showing her a part of yourself that’s non-existent when in fact she should love you for who you are. Not who she thinks you are or who she wants you to be. If lies become a big part of maintaining peace in your relationship, it’s not a relationship in the first place.
4. Small Things are an Effort
All relationships take time and effort. But, if things that should come naturally such as seeing her, taking her out, spending time with her – are an effort, then there’s a real issue there. In this case, you’re not just making an effort; you’re forcing yourself to do something that should come naturally to you. This isn’t just unhealthy, it’s unnatural. If you can’t do the simple things together, how on earth are you going to go ahead with the more complex ones?
5. Too Much of Water Under the Bridge
Sometimes there’s too much that goes on between you too, so much that it’s hard to recover from scars. Certain actions or lack thereof determine the future and health of a relationship. While there’s no general rule here and this condition are relative, things such as being there for one another, standing by each other, supporting one another – either make or break a relationship. And if you find that it had broken you more than it has mended you, it’s time to part ways. Especially because ever so often, you’re going to look back and wonder how the person who claims to care about you was so blasé about situations? Questions that haunt are questions that cause problems in the future. If you can’t see beyond them, it’s time to look beyond your relationship.
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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija