by Ayokunle Odekunle
Writing is an art, an act which requires a tact which is to give the readers facts. The writer’s primary duty is to conform to the norms of ‘writing’ which is to inform the man in the clapham omnibus, the woman selling stuff at gbagi market or the old man who though is waiting for death to take him to the beyond, is still desirous of keeping touch with the happenings of life here so as to gist those in the beyond by the time Death has his time.
A writer should leave his reader fulfilled, informed, entertained and better still, a better person than he/she was before reading the writer’s writing. A reader should not be left bewildered, mentally oppressed, psychologically depressed and physically repressed as a result of the writer’s actions or inaction.
Going beyond that, a writer should possess all of these or even pretend to possess all of these:
1.) The ability to write LOGICALLY
2) The ability to pass your message/s across in plain, simple yet sophisticated language
3) The ability to entertain your readers. Even when your article is 2,000 words long, keep them glued to the seats
4) Ability to ensure you do not tamper with the emotions of your reader. Do not torture them!
The above are qualities even an average writer should have. A primary 3 pupil who writes compositions like ‘My best food’ should have traits of the embodiments of the above qualities.
What are we supposed to do when a ‘Cambridge-trained’ lawyer is excellently unversed in the art of writing and ends up making his audience feel worse than they were before reading his write-up?
Femi Fani-Kayode’s case is a peculiar one. He was a relatively unknown entity before he was enlisted by former President Olusegun Obasanjo to be his attack dog. Pronto, he rushed at the offer. He was well known for his garrulous-nose-in-the-air-NURTW-member-demeanour-and-newspaper-free-reader-association-member-loquaciousness. It is on record that he once insulted the late father of African Literature; Professor Chinua Achebe. He also insulted Wole Soyinka and a host of prominent Nigerians.
A writer is not a writer just because he has pen and paper and can scribble some words together, or can type articles under the influence of Alomo Bitters mixed with S.K. A writer is not a writer because he wants to be popular and wants to be seen by the ‘common but gullible man’ as a fighter for the oppressed. A writer is not a writer because he has corruption cases in court and to divert our attention, he turns against the government of the day by writing vexatious articles. A writer is a writer because writing is something that comes naturally to him.
One who writes not because he knows how to write, but because he is being pushed by some other ulterior motives is not a writer. He is at best a loud-mouthed propagandist. Such a person doesn’t even rank up to Uncle Dele Momodu who is a glorified gossip-columnist who disguises as a political analyst.
What makes Femi Fani-Kayode a writer? Who is that devil who makes him believe he is such a good writer when instead he serenades us with rubbish and gives us emotional orgasm? Does he write because his law career is virtually non-existent? (I have never come across his name in a law report). Is he now writing just because he wants to vent his psychological problems and his troubled mind on us?
I will briefly point my dear readers to Femi’s stance on just 3 subjects of discourse and I would leave you to judge.
The first time I saw the headline above, I thought it was some kind of crazy joke. But no, it was no joke. Femi Fani-Kayode found a way to blame the Illuminati for the Woolwich killings. Hear him:
“…Is all that I have written here far-fetched? You may believe so but I don’t. And neither have I gone mad. The devil is real and the Illuminati is it’s tool for world control and domination. It has been around for years and those that are part of it operate in the deepest secrecy. Yet even if you do not agree with me on anyything that I have said here, the questions that I have raised are legitimate and they are indeed food for thought. In this game there are no coincidences and everything happens for a reason and has its own symbolism and purpose. As far as I am concerned only David Icke can crack this Woolwich nut and unravel it’s secrets and I look forward to the day that he does.”
Weird isn’t it? How a Cambridge trained Lawyer will blame the Illuminati for a murder case is beyond me. You will agree with me that his postulation defies all logic as he succeeded in turning logic on its head just to fit into his wild assumptions and conspiracy theories.
I guess we can all remember the case of Oscar Pistorius who has been accused of killing his wife and whose trial is still on-going? Well, Uncle Femi stunned the whole world when he decided to blame Oscar’s wife for the murder. Hear him out:
“I have little doubt that Pistorius, who was a great achiever, a living icon, the greatest and best known African sportsman in world history and an absolute gentleman, was provoked into a murderous rage by his pretty little lover and that she played on his insecurities and inadequacies. These are the classic traits of the biblical “strange woman”- the destroyer of men’s dreams and destinies.
Only God knows who sent this creature from the sea into this great man’s life just to destroy it. For Pistorius it is all over. In one moment of blind rage he has lost everything and he has brought shame, disgrace, sorrow and infamy upon his name and that of his family. The blood he has shed will speak against him and his lineage forever. And all because of a sexy and pretty little model who the devil sent his way.
May the Lord deliver us all from the daughters of Jezebel, Delilah, Athalia and Yemoja”.
One does not need to soothsayer to see that Femi Fani-Kayode was stylishly justifying domestic violence against women in that piece. I am sure he is one of those men who see women as ‘property’ who should be owned, loaned out and sold at will.
This man was a former Minister of the Federal Republic of Nigeria and some unfortunate people unfortunately see his as role models.
After the unfortunate plane crash on October 3, 2013, brother Femi gleefully rushed to pick his pen again. This time, he had found another avenue to further depress us with his ill-timed, badly-written, logic-bereft pieces. He opined that those people who have been losing their lives in plane crashes in Nigeria have being used for sacrifice. he further went ahead to do some chest beating by saying his close relationship with God during his tenure as Aviation Minister was what ensured that there were no crashes during his own tenure.
So in other words, once he left office, God started allowing the plane crashes go on since his friend, the prayer warrior, had left.
Illogical reasoning at its very best.
Stella Oduah was quoted as saying “The Plane crash was an act of God”. I expected our Cambridge trained lawyer to have understood her viewpoint but no! He chose to join the brigade of ‘unlearned’ people who chose to cast aspersions.
For the purpose of our education, the phrase ‘act of God’ is tantamount to saying ‘Things beyond human comprehension; Things that are unforeseen but just happen because they have to’. These things are called FORCE MAJURE. It means a superior or irresistible power.
For Brother Femi to conveniently blame terrestrial powers, Stella Oduah, Goodluck Jonathan and every other person for all the planes dropping in this country is as confounding as it is confusing, as ‘flabberwhelming’ as it is mind boggling. It only reflects and shows how debased and debasing his thinking could be.
Should we blame Uncle Femi for his seemingly uncouth and rather insidious way of thinking? Perhaps not.
History has it that this brazen acts of loquaciousness and extreme garrulousness has been a consistent feature in his blood line. A perfect example is his dad.
I once gathered from a prominent old Nigerian that Femi Fani-Kayode’s father Victor Babaremilekun Adetokunboh Fani–Kayode (nicknamed “Fani-Power”) who was a prominent politician in the ill fated 1st Republic shared similar traits. It was said that his dad, Remi was as loquacious as Femi is now. Infact, his dad was more garrulous, very paranoid person who was always ready to fight his enemies both seen and unseen, both real and imagined. People mistook his loquaciousness for braveness.
When the coup of January 15 took place however, it was said that Remi was the ONLY person who begged the Coup plotters. He was reported to have vehemently prostrated to the soldiers to please spare his life and one of the soldiers said “ah ah, is this not the same Fani Power who is always making mouth on TV?” If we remember, brave men like Late Ladoke Akintola behaved like a real Yoruba man by fighting the coup plotters till he was felled by bullets. Mr. Femi’s dad would rather have none of that. He wept and rolled on the floor begging. He was dumped in the boot of a truck until a senior military officer intervened and so his life was spared.
To many people observers, that singular act reeked of nothing but cowardice and it was something he had to contend with till his passing away. Never again was Fani-Power seen ‘making mouth’ on TV.
That is a story for another day.
I really want to know what inspires his thinking because he does not reason like a lawyer (trained in Cambridge for that matter), does he write under the influence of Alomo bitters? Is he psychologically troubled? If so, he should see a shrink before he hits the market dancing Azonto without music.
I have nothing against Mr. Fani-Kayode but he insults our senses by coming to town with some far-reaching theories. I genuinely feel bad for him, he needs our help.
Mr. Fani-Kayode should stop haranguing us with his witless, conspiracy theory laden, half truth laced and professional amateurish articles. We (Nigerians) already have a lot of problems to contend with. His bad articles which almost always heat up the already over heated polity is the last thing we need.
This persistently consistent emotional torture we go through in his hands must stop.
Ayokunle Odekunle tweets from @Oddy4real
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija