by Demola Rewaju
Some factors make it easier for marriage to succeed and their absence can prove fatal to a marriage and it will be of your own doing for not knowing what to watch out for in order to avoid so here are twelve types of men that you should only marry with an understanding of the risks:
1. The Man You Cannot Respect – where you as a woman crave unconditional love, acceptance and care, we men would rather be respected than loved. Yes, we want to be loved too but even if it will take you a while to love us or even if sometimes you don’t feel like loving us, you’ve always got to respect us. This may look easy but truth is that you are also an independent human being complete with your own opinions and ideas about life but in a marriage, there can only be one leader and that is your husband so if he is not someone you can naturally respect in terms of intellectuality, values, principles, way of doing things etc, you will constantly resist him and challenge him – an easy way to lose your man.
2. The Man You Cannot Trust – This point is debatable. There are women who are married to men they do not trust but I’m sure you don’t want to live like that. Men mess up sometimes in dating and you should understand that but when it becomes a pattern of cheating, it is better to look elsewhere for your husband than get trapped in a marriage and watch (or hear) him carry on his philandering activities all over the place. Trust helps you to believe whatever he tells you rather than doubt him. Are you naturally the distrustful or jealous type though? Read this article I wrote to see nine signs to know if you’re taking jealousy too far.
3. The Man Who Doesn’t Love You – For women, love can grow with time but for men, love never grows if it isn’t there in the beginning. Men have different ways of showing love – for some it is through gifts, others use words and so on. You have a specific way you want to be loved – attention, care, seeing your man go the extra mile for you etc. A man can learn how you need to be loved but he has to love you first and if he doesn’t love you from the onset, love may never set in. Read this article I wrote about why your man should love you more than you love him.
4. The Man Who Is Not Ready For Marriage – The absolutely worst thing you can do is to marry a man who is not ready for marriage in his own opinion – he’ll forever remind you of the fact. You may see his apartment, his good job with steady income and conclude that he is ‘husband material’ but if he says he is not ready, don’t push him and most especially, don’t get pregnant for him and use it to blackmail him into marriage.
If he has hit you before, he may hit you again especially when you’re married and you have nowhere to go. If he regularly hits you then your wedding day and your funeral may be only few weeks apart. If you’re a woman attracted to such strong and violent men, get help.
5. The Man Your Close Friend Has History With – Sometimes it works but sometimes it doesn’t. Don’t be the test case for us to find out whether it works or not. If you have history with his close friend, it’s also advisable to just let him go – the complication surrounding such relationships put some pressure on the marriage. If the friend is no longer close to you or him anymore though, you may reconsider this man.
6. The Man Who is Married to Another Woman – Come one sister, don’t be the lady that puts a cog in another sister’s wheel. The same thing that made him look for another woman after marrying the first won’t abandon him when he marries you. Islam as a religion and a way of life may permit a man to marry up to four wives but in these modern times, not many men are so eager to live that kind of life anymore. The complications of such marriages are truly very complex.
7. The Man Who Sees You Only As A Sex Object – Sex is a very weak reason to marry anybody because there’ll always be someone better than you in that department except you’re Jada Fire (how do I even know that name?) The emotion that propels sexual attraction is lust and in men, lust only means different faces even if it’s the same end result. A guy who likes you for sexual reasons and is dumb enough to propose marriage only because of that is surely not worth spending the rest of your life with but really, if sex is all he sees in you, I’m hoping he’s blind; not that that is all you have to offer.
8. The Man Who Hit(s) You – If he has hit you before, he may hit you again especially when you’re married and you have nowhere to go. If he regularly hits you then your wedding day and your funeral may be only few weeks apart. If you’re a woman attracted to such strong and violent men, get help. If you’re dating a man with a potentially violent streak, let him get professional help and counseling before you get married and make sure both families are quite aware of his tendencies – just for the record. [Read these articles I wrote: Women Men Beat and Men Who Beat Women and Why Some Women Tend To Stay In Abusive Relationships].
9. The Man Who Disrespects Your Father – The role of a father in a lady’s life cannot be overestimated and even if he is late, you must have a father figure to take his place in relating with your future husband. Men respect men because they expect men to understand them better than women. If your man disrespects your father and you cling to him, you have removed the mystical covering of a father over your life and you are unprotected when push comes to shove. No man, no matter how mad dares slap a girl in front of her father and no father, no matter how weak will watch his daughter being assaulted by her man and not stand and protect her. That is the covering you are throwing away if you marry such a man.
Even if you father doesn’t support the marriage, your man must maintain a position of respect towards him at all times. Ladies sometimes invite disrespect to their father by telling a man he doesn’t matter or he is irrelevant. Please don’t.
And don’t marry these 9 guys.
Demola Rewaju blogs at www.DemolaRewajuDaily.com and tweets @DemolaRwaju
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.