GEJ and First Lady are not having a divorce… in last week’s news with a pinch of salt

by Stanley Azuakola

A-Pinch

GEJ And First Lady Not Having A Divorce

Presidential spokesman, Reuben Abati, has denied reports that President Jonathan and his wife are about to get a divorce. On his new website, Abati blasted Nigeria’s ‘collective children of envy’ for being jealous of the patient bond between the president and the first lady, wondering how the president, who only last year fed his wife in public, can suddenly turn round to divorce her.

Meanwhile, there are reports that the FCT Minister, Bala Mohammed, whose actions sparked the rumour of the divorce, might be sacked. Last week, senators were surprised to see an item in the FCT budget, in which the sum of N4billion was budgeted for a mission house for the First Lady. Reports say that when the president heard that Mohammed was planning to build a house for the First Lady, he got really upset. “What is Mohammed up to?” the usually gentle president thundered. “Is he trying to ask my wife to move out of my house? And what kind of mission will my wife be doing in another house that Mohammed knows about? And why budget a whole N4 billion? Is the house going to be bomb proof ?” Jonathan didn’t specify if he meant Boko Haram bomb proof or grammar bomb proof.

GEJ, NGF Clash Over Pensions Thief

IT seems nowadays that there is not a single issue in which the president and the Nigeria Governors Forum (NGF) are in agreement. Their latest bone of contention is over who should be the keynote speaker at the next PDP national convention. The PDP is trying to repackage its convention and model it after party conventions in America. Part of the reforms includes getting a star politician or an upcoming promising politician as keynote speaker.

The NGF wants Yakubu Yusuf, the police pensions thief and potential PDP chieftain, who stole N23billion, but was given a kiss on the mouth by the judge. The governors believe that he’ll be a good speaker on ‘The power of positive confessions after public service.’ The president, on the other hand, wants a more established politician, his mentor – Chief Diepreye Alamieyeseigha, the ex-convicted ex-governor of Bayelsa, who escaped from the UK dressed as a woman. Jonathan wants Alamieyeseigha to speak on “Unleash the softer side in you.” Negotiations are still on, but insiders say the PDP might opt for a consensus candidate in the person of Chief Bode George, the PDP top shot convicted for fraud when he was chairman of the Nigeria Ports Authority.

Accept Boko Haram Offer, FG Told

Following reports that Boko Haram is demanding the sum of N26 billion as compensation before it ceases hostilities against innocent people, some concerned citizens have asked the FG to accept the offer immediately. In a statement released last week, they said: “The FG is advised to provide the cash for Boko Haram. After all, what is a mere N26 billion? They should simply hand over Yakubu Yusuf to Boko Haram. The man alone is worth N23 billion. Then for the remaining N3 billion, that’s not hard to get. Simply plead with the First Lady, Patience Jonathan, to manage and endure Aso Rock for a while, then channel the N4 billion, which was budgeted for her mission house in the FCT budget, to Boko Haram and ask them to keep the change so that they’ll know that the government has sincerity of purpose.” Insiders say the president is cool with the idea, but might have to sleep on the couch for the rest of his presidency if he dares give the Dame’s house money to Boko Haram.

CROWNED CLOWN (CeeCee) OF THE WEEK

A Pinch… has heard arguments for and against the judgement of Justice Abubakar Talba in the case involving Yakubu Yusuf, the N23 billion police pensions thief. While there is near universal agreement that the punishment was insufficient, some have argued that the fault is not the judge’s. They’ve blamed the EFCC, the nation’s laws, and the prosecution lawyers. A Pinch… agrees that all those mentioned have a portion of the blame, but Justice Talba has more. That judge perverted justice.

Agreed, the law says that the maximum punishment for the charge brought against Yusuf is two years; so, why did the judge, knowing how insufficient that is already, decide to still give a fine option? And why did he give one so cheap? Someone who stole N23billion is asked to pay N750,000, and Justice Talba goes home and sleeps well at night?

It’s interesting that Yusuf got such a lenient judgment based on his plea that he is a father whose three kids rely on him to pay fees, whose aged parents depend on him and who has a heart condition. Does Justice Talba know the number of pensioners who fit that description, but who, thanks to Yusuf, could not pay their bills, could not take care of their health or their loved ones, or those who had to die? Justice Talba’s justice is a farce, it’s a disgrace to his name and the institution he represents. He should be ashamed. Shame on you, Judge! He takes the CeeCee this week.

– Follow A Pinch… on Twitter @stanleyazuakola

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

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