Hashtag Porn – and more, in today’s news round-up with Cheta Nwanze

by Cheta Nwanze

Occupy with Tshirts

I believe that there are some human beings who do not deserve to be among other human beings, so should be put away for good after a sufficient time in the cooler for them to think about the stupidity of their actions has elapsed.

The Nigerian social media crowd is quite an interesting crew. When something happens, we all get riled up, make a lot of noise, float a lot of hashtags, some print tee-shirts, and we feel good about ourselves. Then, silence. Just silence. Then we move on.

Thus it was that months after some students were accused of theft, beaten, necklaced and set on fire, people who may, or may not have been involved in the crime are now being set free, and no one has been brought to book. As is depressingly usual in our legal system, after spending months in jail, the Wig in court yesterday confirmed what a few of us know already. The boys in black have nothing on those chaps. So, off they went.

Sadly, they would be only be too happy to be breathing the generator fumes of freedom after months in the mosquito stings of the dungeons, so it would not occur to them that they could actually make a case for wrongful detention. You see, our legal system is so messed up that you could sit in gaol for ever while awaiting your day in court, only to get shunted to death-row  That is good enough reason for an assorted French wig to come and tell us what kind of penalties we should give people in our legal system. Celine Lemmel is in the country to try and stop our legal system from handing down the death penalty. “The current situation in Nigeria is that if a governor wants to sign an execution warrant nothing can stop him from doing that because it is in the constitution and there is no official document stopping him from doing that,” she shrilled in Abuja while 866km away, an assorted posse of #BokoHaram members polished their weapons.

I must be frank here, I am a believer in capital punishment. You see, I believe that there are some human beings who do not deserve to be among other human beings, so should be put away for good after a sufficient time in the cooler for them to think about the stupidity of their actions has elapsed. What other kind of punishment would you describe for a man, or men, who would in one fell swoop attempt to blow away no less than nine of our state chief executives? Granted they failed woefully in the process, but somehow, they did succeed in blasting six innocent souls to the afterlife. All of this happened in #BokoHaram Central, Maiduguri, when nine state governors gathered to discuss the new Armoured Personnel Carrier that they want to purchase.

Maiduguri!

For the records, I think that the governors displayed a stunning level of pig-headedness in sashaying to Maiduguri despite security reports advising against just that. If they want to start a viable opposition party, they certainly have shot themselves in their feet because yesterday’s display casts them in the light of people who do not listen. Jeez, how annoying! Given those who were present at the shindig, could they not have had the meeting in either one of Owerri, Ado-Ekiti, Lafia, Abeokuta or Osogbo? And before you mention Lagos, we don’t want them. Traffic is bad enough as it is…

Bits and bobs

Son of God, Aliyu Wamakko has urged his people in Sokoto to tow the path of peace. Considering that he set a nice example by flogging some NEPA chaps a few months ago…

The House of Reps want to know what happened to Cecilia Ibru’s mansion.

Maybe I will stop receiving all those insane text messages from Airtel. Themselves and their partners in crime have been handed a light fine by the NCC.

The National Bureau of Statistics tells us that power is improving, and as a result, manufacturing is up 7.7%. I’ll believe that when I stop hearing “the hills are alive with the sound of generators” every morning.

Being the son of a landlord can be quite stressful, so Ayo resorted to armed robbery and rape as a stress reliever.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

One comment

  1. Dude, You’ve said it all. I hope the Governors know that the lives of the security agents and civilians that died in the blast are on their heads.

    That’s why I think Jonathan does not need to visit Maiduguri.

    Apart from the worry of whether he won’t be “hit”, some other “patriotic” security agents might “fall”

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