I tried, but I STILL do not get feminism

I have to inform you ahead about two things,

One:I have a ‘disjointed thought process’ (My test result is not out, so we don’t have a name for this yet) so I can only hope you stay with me till the fifth paragraph.

Two:If for my opinion you insult me on social media or via any platform, you are not likely to get a reply from me.


I hate labels. Especially crowdsourced labels, and this is my first point against ‘feminism’. For me, treating every human being as equal and as fair as possible per context is my goal. This is not sex biased. Although I confess to have favored some ladies – over men – at some point who have groped me with braless boobs (I’m ashamed of myself mummy. I didn’t demand it though). But I tried to balance it up by making guys pay more in cash for the same privilege (*eyelashes*). So to me, I’m human(ist), not feminist. And definitely not ‘meninist’.

We hold this truth to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.

– The American Declaration of Independence.

So when the YNaija Editor said to me: “If you believe the same thing feminists believe, you’re feminist. That’s how it works”. He further posits: “If you believe in women having equal rights (let me add ‘privileges’), you’re feminist.” For now, I get this one, (although, I’m not sure if I’m nympho if I like sex and I believe sex is very good) but I’d like to ask:

If a guy treats other ladies well (even supports equal rights) but beats his spouse, is he still feminist?

Now, to Feminism as a movement. While I am a firm believer and advocate for organization, I don’t agree that all ideas should necessarily be institutionalized. So here’s my problem: I like, and support the cause that is christened ‘Feminism’; that women should have equal rights – and privileges – as men, but I do not like the movement that drives feminism. Wait though, I have not actively experienced the feminist push beyond the shores of Nigeria, so I might be generalizing a tad here.

People drive movements, and I do not like the drivers here. Sugabelly is one of the very active drivers of the movement in the Nigerian mediasphere. While I like her person, her ever-rock-steady-ready-to-tear-your-jaw-apart aggression with the sale of the idea repels me. No one sells an authentic product successfully like that. It even gets worse when I’m aware that she’ll likely rebut this statement on the grounds that I’m positing the aforementioned statement because I enjoy the benefits of patriarchy, or because I’ve been gifted a fine (yes please) third leg.

While the basics of an idea may be good, I may choose to never identify with it because I consider its driving force, process and implementation repugnant. And you can’t force the label on me. After all, I have a right to repel labels as much as you have against the usury of your spouse’s surname.

I also understand that the driving force, a la Sugabelly, should not influence my belief in the idea. Like I said, the core is not my issue (I am human[ist]). I believe that all humans should be treated equally). Unfortunately, the stance of the driving force influences my decision and reaction per time. If people don’t like Church anymore because they think too many Pastors are conmen (albeit, generalisation), are they wrong?

Recommended Read: Sheryl Sandberg – LEAN IN: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead.

It can be annoying too. When the topic of feminism is pushed on twitter, the majority of the statements that garner the most engagement are usually the worst exhibition of ignorance and hypocrisy ever. I have once spotted two people; a guy and a lady who I know too well. They front feminism on twitter, but in real life…let’s not even go there. I have even met ladies who don’t know jack about this whole shit. They just follow for the fancy.

I have another question please:

Is it impossible that a lady is anti-feminist?

Ok, so I have this other dilemma. I have some 14 roles to fill with the most competent people in the industry. My best prospects are all male (or all female), but the media is clenched fist over my head. Should I sacrifice some positions to appease the public, or should I go heads on with my selection, like who cares?

P.S: Dear prospective girlfriend, in case you are feminist, all I have said above is my attempt at a viral worthy dry joke.

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

Comments (9)

  1. Well written article, although you could have toned down on some of the jokes.

    That said, I feel your pain. I'm a guy who considers himself a feminist and while i agree with most of your points, i feel you should never tell people how to feel, especially if you're (directly or indirectly) a member of the oppressing group. I agree, Sugabelly can go a bit "overboard" sometimes, but let her mourn the way she sees fit. It's like you flogging a child and then telling the child how to cry.
    Admitting it in the article does not change the fact that you do not know where the shoe hurts. Leave them to fight for themselves the way they see fit.

    Malcolm X didn't have the same views on violence (and non-violence) as MLK Jr. did and so white America (the oppressors) painted one a saint and the other a demon. You're more or less doing the same thing. These fights usually need both the crazy and the composed.
    Once again i say, leave them to fight the injustice the way they see fit.

  2. Editor, but wouldn’t that be hypocritical. Abusing your spouse is subjecting them to certain rigours, like a slave. That’s not allowing them the expression of freedom in whatever form.

    1. You’re just beating them up. Has nothing to do with equality.

  3. Sugabelly, but do you advocate for the cause of feminism? If yes, that’s selling. You want to influence the orientation of some people. You want people to embrace something. You possibly want the government to take certain actions that favour the cause.

    In the tech world for instance, there’s a massive drive for companies to absorb more women into top management positions world wide. That is what I’m referring to as selling.

  4. The mistake in the logic of your post is the part where you said “you can’t sell a product / idea that way” . You made a mistake in thinking Feminism is something that needs to be sold to people. Do you think men “sold” the idea of being oppressed and dehumanized for thousands of years to women?

    Men didn’t go about convincing women “Let us oppress you”

    In the same way slaves don’t need to go about convincing white people “Please free me”

    You take your freedom by force

    Or you get ready to enjoy your life as a slave

    That’s how it works

    No woman has to “convince” you of why feminism is good.

    Feminism is in OUR interest, and it is our duty to serve our own interests FIRST

    Patriarchy is in the interest of men alone.

    Where men are even lucky is that Feminism is in the interest of BOTH women AND men

    So we don’t have to negotiate or bargain with you about whether or not you should “allow” Feminism to exist.

    Feminism will be whether you or any other man likes it or not

    That’s how it works

  5. Thank you Mr Editor. I mentioned that because it forms one of the pivotal instances of domestic violence, and tops one of the grouses of many advocates of feminism. If a man is therefore guilty of that one crime, isn’t he breaking the feminist code?

    I have a second question there too, plis epp me.

    1. There is no particular correlation between feminism and domestic violence. You can be abuser and an advocate for equality. You can be against domestic violence and not believe in equality.

  6. Thank you Mr Editor. I have a second question there, epp me.

  7. You can be a wife beater AND a feminist. The fact you beat your wife doesn’t mean you can’t want equal rights for women, it just means you beat your wife.

    Simple as.

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