From My Daily Moment
Lying about your job or considering a breast enhancement just to impress someone or to fit into their “ideal” is a bad idea
Having doubts about your man? How do you know when it’s time to kick him to the curb? There are all kinds of deal breakers out there, but if you spot one or more of these four red flags, it’s time for him to hit the road.
1. He isn’t supportive. The modern woman expects a true life partner. Gone are the days of aspiring to take care of a man or putting your needs on the backburner for his. Non-supportive traits include:
- Making fun of or belittling your goals and ambitions in career or life
- Making you feel guilty for spending time at work
- Not helping around the house
- Ignoring you in times of need or distress
- Pressuring you into making life decisions like quitting your job, moving or having children
If you bring it up and he still doesn’t get it, dump him.
2. You can’t be yourself around him. Are you playing a character of who you think he wants to be with? Not only does this perpetuate a relationship based on lies (even if it’s just through omission), but it also can be detrimental to your emotional well-being.
Lying about your job or considering a breast enhancement just to impress someone or to fit into their “ideal” is a bad idea. The best partners are the ones who make you feel great in your own skin and who you can relax around. If you reveal your true self to someone you’re dating, and he doesn’t appreciate your true colors, dump him.
3. He’s a user. We all know the type – the freeloading dude who spends his days in the coffee shop, nights playing in a band and lives with his parents. However, users aren’t always this easy to spot. It may start slowly as he “forgets” his wallet or has his car “repaired,” but if you notice that these situations are becoming more normal than exceptions, it’s time to run.
You are not an ATM, a taxi driver, a cell phone provider, hotel or sex machine. A real relationship consists of contributions from both sides — not just emotionally but also financially. If you think he’s taking advantage of your generosity, dump him.
4. He doesn’t get along with your friends and/or family. What would life be without your girlfriends? Any person you are seriously considering dating also will most likely spend time with the people in your life who you care about.
While variety is the spice of life, if you find that your new boo and your friends or family are getting into knock-down, drag-out fights, he speaks to them inappropriately or talks about them badly in public, despite your feelings, dump him.
Any relationship should end immediately, no matter what, if the following things occur:
- He is physically abusive
- He is verbally or emotionally abusive
- He threatens you or your friends and family
- He steals from you
- He cheats on you
- He habitually lies to you
Reach out for help from friends, family and law enforcement if you have serious concerns about your safety and well-being in any of these situations. If you break off a relationship and he begins to stalk or threaten you, don’t be afraid to take action.
Every relationship will have its ups and downs, but if the thought of spending one more moment with this person makes you want to scream, it’s over. When ending things, even if you are angry, stay calm.
- Weigh the pros and cons. Are you really ready to end it or are you just caught up in the moment? Make sure the reason you are ending it is legitimate and that you are prepared to deal with the consequences.
- Don’t break up over a text message or email.Tweeting the bad news is tacky. Everyone deserves at least a phone call when ending a relationship to ask questions and get the closure they need.
- Don’t blindside him. How can you expect him to change or work on problems if you never told him about them? If you aren’t happy, bring it up and discuss it first before jumping straight to the breakup.
- Hold your ground. He may try to convince you that you need to be with him or that you’ll never find another boyfriend if you break up with him. Don’t be sucked into claims that he’s “changed” or “will work harder.” And don’t look back after the deed is done.
- Be Honest. Don’t lie about why you are ending the relationship or say things like “maybe we can be together in the future” if you don’t mean it.
- If you’ve only been together a short time or it has been years, a breakup is never easy or enjoyable.
- Remember that you don’t owe anyone anything, and you have the right to end a relationship for whatever reason you choose and whenever you feel is right. It will take time to get over the breakup, and it’s normal to be sad and even angry. Allow yourself to feel these emotions and give yourself time recover before diving into the dating scene again. Turn to your girlfriends and family for support, and you’ll be back on your feet in no time.————————
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.