Of Mars & Venus: Bad boy seeks good girl

Hadiza Duncan

I see this line all the time in personal adverts.

And it is definitely not rocket science to know why bad boys seek good girls. (For some reason, bad girls are not similarly coveted). Bad boys know what they are capable of so they want someone they don’t have to worry about. Good girls are likely to be free of sexually transmitted diseases(STDS).  If the bad guy can get that one good girl hooked, chances are she will remain loyal to him and will act as a safety net even when he goes around and does “his thing”, he knows he can count on her to be there. And to top the list is the fact that the game of conquest remains the ultimate game for guys: the thrill of the chase especially of an object which has been “so far” unattainable to anyone.

So it is obvious why bad boys like good girls. I mean everyone wants a good girl. But why do good girls like bad boys? What is it about thug appeal that gets good girls hopelessly ensnared? Like a moth to a flame helplessly drawn…knowing that bad boys will hurt you, break your heart, turn you into a good girl gone bad or something equally disastrous and will only love you as much as is convenient for them.

This question has been asked time after time after time. So I really want to know the answer, what do you think?

Some say “opposites attract”. The good girl needs the bad boy for balance in life, to be the edgy exciting unsafe element in her boring, straitlaced and good life.

The thought that good girls are just “waiting for someone to bring out the bad girl in them” also has me rolling my eyes!! Apparently being with a bad boy gives a good girl an excuse to go wild. That’s right, blame it on the boy!!

Low self esteem is also sometimes a reason. I guess this would apply to the girls waiting for someone to bring out the bad in them. Seriously though, some “good girls” are really just girls who lack confidence and self esteem and so have quietly withdrawn into themselves. They long to be with the IT crowd, but have been rejected because they are not cool. So when the bad guy who is undoubtedly some sort of Alpha male begins to notice them and give them attention, they fall instantly for the whole package which guarantees them not only an instant image makeover, but also entry and position to the IT crowd which previously rejected them.

Also, bad boys often appeal to a good girls good, soft heart. She sees the bad him, believes there is a good him somewhere inside and when he says to her “I need you, you bring out the best in me…” she believes him; and she stays hoping her influence and his love for her will motivate him to change. Unfortunately, that never works out does it? Not because people cannot or do not change, but because anyone who promises to change for another person is lying. People can only really truly change when they want to change for themselves or for God.

Media Brainwashing doesn’t help either. The bad guy on the TV screen is portrayed as every girls dream (and of course it is always the best looking and most popular actor portraying him) in all the chick flicks; and we watch him all the way until he gives up his bad boy ways to be with the good girl in the movie right? His love for her has changed him! Ha!!! Problem with that theory is first of all, that is a fantasy, what someone wishes would happen and not what really happens; secondly, how very convenient to end the film just as he finally “realizes” the good girl is his real love…what happens thereafter? Do they grow old and grey together? Number three takes us back full circle…he really cannot change for her…or for anyone else.

The game of change is the girl version of the game of conquest. Women looovvvveeee to change their men!!! Most married men will tell you that and the badder the man they have to change, the better. It is just as much a challenge for the good girl to change a bad guy as it is for the bad guy to get the good girl.

To be fair to good girls, it is not that they are just waiting to be swept up their feet. While bad boys can be assertive when they want a woman, the good guys can be a little bit slow to the punch. Either because they are timid or nervous or scared of rejection. When the bad boy comes on so strong it is very appealing to the part of the girl that wants to be pursued and the rest follows naturally.

Lucky for most girls, the “good girl likes bad boy stage is something you grow out of or mature enough to recognize that what you really want is a good guy with an edge and most of the time, he is worth waiting for…I think. Anyway, the point is we have been asking this question forever and are still asking it so obviously we are not getting the answer. What do you think, why do good girls like bad guys?



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