Every day on the Nigerian internet, there are people who keep our eyes glued to our phone screens as we read their funny rants, opinions, perspectives on political and social issues, etc. Sometimes, they are just downright ridiculous. Here are the ones we saw today:

Day 21 without sex: Checked my weight and I’m weighing 250kg. Body don full ?

— Your Ex ? (@harryolah) January 21, 2020

A guy will spend hours in the gym just to build up his muscle like a wrestler, then one skinny girl will just push him on the bed with one finger.

— Table Shaker ?? ?? ‏ (@iamvictor__) January 21, 2020

“Thank God for saving me from a fatal accident when a truck lost control”

>>>>>>>

“We were dragging who’d go first, a voice said “stay back” & I allowed the boy to go first, 2 mins later a truck failed brake & crushed him to death, could’ve been me, thank God for saving me”

— UG (@UgwunnaEjikem) January 21, 2020

Are you celebrating valentine with the same person you celebrated Christmas with??

— AbasiFreke (@prinzgbemi) January 21, 2020

The way Sims are reducing with every new phone coming out is scary, from Normal to Micro to Nano. Soon Sims will be imaginary, you just buy the Sim Pack & Decree the Network of your Choice to your Phone.

— King Nonny ? (@Zaddy_nomso) January 21, 2020

Have you gotten that pregnancy test or you’re waiting to vomit ?

— ᴀɴᴜɪssᴀᴠᴀɢᴇ (@anuissavage) January 21, 2020

How will you name your child “Cosmos” ?

Why not name him “Milky way” instead cos he’s a child of the universe ?

— MR AHMED?? (@UncleMohamz) January 21, 2020

Never consider marrying her because she got a big ass. Remember the largest button on keyboard is the one that writes nothing ??

— Famez Venom ?? (@Famez_vv) January 21, 2020

A man who raises his hand to beat a woman never raised it in class??

— ChidexGH?️ (@yankohBoy) January 21, 2020

I Dey ask you about money wey you Dey owe me, you Dey tell me about “if you know how many people Dey owe me too?”

You Dey ment?

— AJ | Adonai (@mrmanhere_) January 21, 2020

I was in the room when my guy was promising his girlfriend big wedding this 2020 while he’s still owing MTN ₦200. I bursted into laughter. She was like “what happened?”
I said I saw a funny tweet here on Twitter so I lol-ed ???

— JÒHÁNNÙ MÍMỌ́ (@aboladejohn_) January 21, 2020

Having an ugly friend isn’t a problem atall, The problem is when people starts asking ‘Are you guys twins’? ?

— ᴀɴᴜɪssᴀᴠᴀɢᴇ (@anuissavage) January 21, 2020

Left my puppy with my family and they had the audacity to name him Igwe. Now that’s the only name he answers

— Hazel (@HazelStones) January 21, 2020