Opinion: King JONA and the paradise of oil wells

by Okeke Godwin Iyke


They brought to him one woman though NOT a prostitute but uses the wealth of her people to hire private jets worth billions. This woman is called Deziane, she is know and notorious in amassing and mismanagement of resources. 

There was a king born in Otuoke named JONA. He  prophesy from his aquatic horizon that he has no shoes in 2011 and over 80million Nigerians who are shoeless like him trooped out en-masse to adopt him as their messiah. The masses defiled all political permutations, rejected his party platform called PDP and voted him to save them.

Few months after his adoption as messiah to save Nigerians, he entered the synagogue in January 1st  2012 and started preaching to his followers, “I will deregulate the oil sector, remove subsidy and rebuild the economy in 3days!!! There was murmuring of resistance in the crowd and from then on, the masses started looking for more evidence to crucify him.

They brought to him one woman though NOT a prostitute but uses the wealth of her people to hire private jets worth billions. This woman is called Diezane, she is know and notorious in amassing and mismanagement of resources. JONA kept mute for hours and as more crowd gathers, he lifted his face and asked the masses to cast the first stone if they never steal. They left in anger one by one. She asked the woman to go and continue to STEAL but never be CORRUPT!!!

On 14 April 2014 at about 6:45am, two bombs exploded at a crowded bus station 8 km southwest of central Abuja, killing at least 88 people and injuring at least 200. JONA visited the scene the next day, He squeezed his face, told the crowd that terrorism will not defeat us and zoomed off to Kano to welcome a political nomad called Shakarau. Recall that Shakarau is a political destitute in Kano who converted to PDP religion after a great emperor named Kwankwasiya dethroned him and adopted all his followers. This Kano visit marks the first fall of JONA with the cross on our journey to Golgotha.

Meanwhile, JONA was brought to Pirate by the masses. His advisers and cronies started to defend him before Pirate but were very incoherent. This is the encounter with him/his disciples.

“The Abuja blast was an attack on all Nigerian (JONA) but one of his guards countered him.

“No, It was sponsored by APC” (PDP pub Sec Metuh Olisa). And another guard shouted, “the terrorist aim is to stop governance that is why GEJ went to Kano to dance Kukere and Azonto after the blast”… (Labaran Maku Info Minister). This marks JONA second fall on our journey to Golgotha.

As JONA was crowded with the spirit of Olingo and Ihe-di-na-ukwu (by Flavour) in Kano, over 300 girls were kidnapped by Boko-haram insurgents at Chibok in Borno State. Then King Herod took over the interrogation and his disciples were once again very incompetent to save him. The disciples this time was led by first Son of the deity Ogbakiri named RENO who parades invisibly with the name WENDELL Simlin.  When asked why no security meeting after the blast by Herod, This conversation ensued;

APC governors shun security meeting…. Reno Omorkri (SA to JONA on New Media).

Mr. President has summoned all the state governors for emergency security meeting (Rueben Abati.)

No!! APC was not invited; it was PDP Governors meeting (Governor Akpabio)

APC did not boycott any meeting. They canceled the meeting. (Lai Mohammed)

We took the decision to meet with the president in Jigawa. (Governor TA Orji)

When pressed further on the fate of the kidnapped victims, they continued;
“We have rescued the kidnapped school pupil! only eight of them yet to be rescued.” (Chris Olukolade)

Our military are on trail of the kidnappers, they have conquered the kidnappers.(Doyin)

NO pupil was rescued, 14 escaped from kidnappers not rescued. (School principal)

We informed the relevant authority four hours before the kidnap(Borno govt)
The military was misinformed by the principal, truly non of the pupil has been rescued. (Olukolade)

I only said what Army Authority told me, I am not part of the Army. (Doyin Okupe. SA to Mr President)

At this juncture, crucify him! Crucify him! Crucify him!!! Resounds in the air and Pirate handed him over to the masses to crucify him.

On the journey to Golgotha, women of Jerusalem were sighted at Unity Fountain in Abuja weeping for their abducted children.

Then there comes a woman who some people refer to as FAKA but Evans Bipi from Riverine area proclaimed her as jisos of Okrika clan. She mounted the pulpit and started speaking in tongue.

“Chai, chai chai, diarrisss god ooooo, the bloods we are chiarring in Bolonu will aansa.”

The masses were a bit confused because they are not yet infected with the spirit of her grammar and everyone was gazing at each other. This is to fulfill what a prophet from Sango named Soyinka said in the scripture,” Parents should be mindful and guard their kids from watching Hippopotamus speak.”

And when the COUNTRY was possessed with the “spirit of world attention”, they stripe JONA naked before the world and cast lot on who will take his garment; they started dancing naked again…

Minister of Internal affairs says ‘no negotiation with boko-haram’
National Orientation agency says ‘all options open.’

Defense HQ says ‘we are studying the situation.’

Maku the information minister says, we are studying and analyzing the video and its content, we are ready to go to any length”.

Minister of special duties says ‘we are ready for dialogue.’

Finally a British minister said the president told him ‘no dialogue.’

This is to fulfill the scripture that they will never agree on any OBJECTIVE National issue because their blood is embedded with LIES and DECEIT.

On getting to Golgotha, he was crucified with two thieves, on the right hand was the leader of British troops and on the left hand was the leader of American troops.

The American thief mocked him, if you are a government, you will step down from this cross unharmed with us but the British troop interjected, shut up, you know our interest in all this brouhaha is their oil, why the mock. JONA replied to the British troop, if I survive till 2015, you will be with me in paradise of “oil wells”.

As the main hour approaches, I will brief you on his last word on the cross.

I’m reporting from the foot of the cross here in GOLGOTHA.


This article was published with permission from SaharaReporters


Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.


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