Article

Some reactions to Miriam’s love story show that marriage is seen as a prize by too many people

by Joachim MacEbong

A series of tweets earlier this morning by Miriam Shehu, detailing how she sponsored her lover’s Masters programme, and was even prepared to relocate, only for him to get married to someone else, is very unfortunate. No one deserves that kind of heartbreak and disappointment.

In cases like this one, many will read the same story and take different lessons from it. One of the dominant lessons apparently, is that you shouldn’t ‘do wife things for a boyfriend’, ‘don’t give him your all when you are not married to him’, or a variant thereof.

The underlying assumption, obviously, is that if they were married, it would automatically entitle ‘Taiwo’ to certain types of support that he wouldn’t have been gotten if they weren’t married. This sounds good, but only if you believe that the mere exchange of rings and vows would have made the pain of such betrayal any better, or made it worth it, somehow.

This is nonsense. If anything, being shackled in marriage to someone who is capable of that, can cause damage orders of magnitude worse than if he were ‘just a boyfriend’.

In a time when people appear to take their vows with less seriousness than ever before, why would you want to be married to anyone who can do that to you? After crying for a while, why would you not eventually rejoice that you have actually dodged a bullet, that the true colours of such a person have been revealed before you shake up your whole life for him?

Make no mistake: A ring and a wedding would have only amplified the effect of such betrayal, not lessened it. There are tons of stories everywhere about how marrying the wrong person has derailed many people, even led to their deaths. For sure, Miriam is sad now. She should be. She has invested a lot in a relationship that did not work out, and she should cry it out till she feels better.

After that, she will be thankful to have dodged a bullet. Let Taiwo use his Masters for whatever, but anyone who thinks that ‘at least he married you’ would have been a consolation, probably needs to speak to a shrink.

Selah.

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