by Stanley Azuakola
Justice Marcel baffles Nigerians
Justice Marcel Awokulehin, the judge who cleared James Ibori of any wrongdoing when Ibori stood trial in Nigeria, announced last week that his “conscience is clear.” The judge’s submission immediately sparked an informal discussion on the conscience. A Warri lady, who gave her name simply as Yeye, told A Pinch that until she hears that “nonsense” directly from Justice Awokulehin’s mouth, she wasn’t going to believe. “Haba! I don’t believe it,” she said, “Ah-ah, small shame is supposed to exist in people nah, at least. Maybe he meant something else. Maybe he meant that his conscience was cleared, so there’s nothing there again but an empty void.” Another respondent said, “Maybe he meant that the judgement he gave was a clear case of con science, which is the science of conmen and tricksters. But I’m sure he clearly didn’t mean ‘clear conscience,’ in the way we understand it normally.”
Exposed: Illuminati Governor
It’s no longer news that the House probe committee on the subsidy regime discovered that the PPPRA in conjunction with the former Accountant General of the Federation, Ibrahim Dankwambo (who is now governor of Gombe State), approved that the sum of N999million be paid 128 different times in 48 hours. Shocking however is the revelation by a group, Illuminati Watch, that the payment is an example of spiritual corruption, a new brand of corruption that ties down the nation both materially and spiritually. According to the group, N999 million was deliberately earmarked to be stolen because 999 is just an inversion of the “biblical mark of the beast –666.” To further buttress their point, the group explained that if “you divide 128 (the number of times the money was paid) by 36 (representing each state of the federation); it gives 3.666, a figure containing the dreaded mark of the beast once again.”
First Lady fires Press Secretary
The press secretary to Nigeria’s first lady, Dame Patience Jonathan, has been sacked. Her sack was the result of a press statement which she released without authorisation, as a rebuttal to the criticisms that trailed the recent visit of Dame Patience to Lagos State. “Nigerians just derive sadistic delight in criticising the person of the first lady. Is it because she is such an easy target to be lashed?”: the statement read. “Whatever she did in Lagos, she did for the benefit of Lagosians—yes—including the traffic jam she created. As the mother of the nation, Dame Patience felt that Lagosians had lost the value called patience, which coincidentally is her name. She felt that the best way to teach them was to make them sit patiently in traffic for hours. Also, TIME magazine recently hailed her husband for his influence. She felt she was unduly overlooked, and so decided to show the world just how influential she was by bringing a whole city to a standstill.”
CROWNED CLOWN (CeeCee) OF THE WEEK
“Nothing and no one has the license to force us to self-destruct and/or to perpetuate genocide on us, while at the same time expecting or demanding from us to keep quiet, to close our eyes or to look the other way and subserviently collaborate…” –Dragan Glavasik, Keepers of the Flame.
Apparently, the quote above doesn’t apply to all human beings. The House committee tasked to investigate the subsidy regime, released its findings and exposed the magnitude of officially sanctioned robbery that takes place in this country. A Pinch…was taken aback however by some young people who took to the streets, openly protesting against the report and injecting ethnic foolishness into the discourse. To think that young men and women would by their actions, say to their oppressors, “Hey, you screwed our fathers, you impoverished our nation. Now it’s our turn, we’re here, please screw us too.” Oh, who has bewitched us with this arrant madness! Some kinds of clowning are just unforgivable.
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Editor’s note: Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.