I had just returned from a series of meetings and was physically exhausted. I felt like I was sleep-deprived and could use a good sleep. Then the call came in, a guest I wasn’t expecting was here to see me. The person had stated that they checked in because they were in the neighbourhood, and will return at a later date if it wasn’t convenient for me to meet.
But I told them it was fine. I pretended it was okay to have that meeting. And it left me miserable; not the meeting itself – the conversation was a good one really – but something else. I felt miserable because I wasn’t true to myself on how I felt, and how I would have loved if we rescheduled.
I felt miserable because whenever I decide to give my attention to someone, I should come also with my self, my magic, my frailties, my whole self. I deprived this person all of that because I wanted to be “respectful”.
That evening, I sat, asking questions of myself and listening to life for feedback. Why did I disrespect another human being, all in the name of respecting them? Why did I put on another face when I should have been plain and true? Were there times when I put on faces that other people wanted me to wear, or that I thought other people wanted me to wear? Did I do that for a reward, what was my goal?
When I asked these questions and listened to life patiently for feedback, I found answers I wasn’t expecting. So can you when you listen to life.
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