Every day on the Nigerian Internet, there are people who keep our eyes glued to our phone screens as we read their rants, opinions, perspectives on political and social issues, etc. Sometimes, they are just downright ridiculous. We make it our job to take down the names of these noisemakers.

Here are the ones we saw today:

Even if feminism was as polite and mild mannered as Mary Poppins, men would still hate it.

It would just be easier to ignore, which is what the suffragists would come to learn.

— Bruce Bateman Esq (@your_stepdad) April 11, 2019

Suffra gini?

Akwa Ibom people after sex…

Boy: Baby you are so sweet.

Girl: We thank God oooooo

— Omasilachi Amanda Ifeoluwa Chinda???? (@amandachinda_) April 11, 2019

What a testimony.

“Lagos is enjoyable when you have money”.

Big lie. If you have money, stay at Enugu. Low traffic, the bananas look like bananas and you’ll have peace of mind.

— Onye Nkuzi (@cchukudebelu) April 11, 2019

Nkuzi, why are you thinking of banana?

NOTE TO SELF: I asked a global CEO how he manages to lead very opinionated people, some of whom are smarter than him. He said: “When you have an idea, ask them questions until they come up with the same idea. It takes time but they’ll feel it’s from them and will own it.”

— Dr. Joe Abah (@DrJoeAbah) April 11, 2019

FACTS

I love Lagos but I love the optionality not to have to live in it full time even more.

I worked hard and sacrificed a lot for that optionality and I’m not prepared to let it go. Options gives you leverage.

— Moe (@Mochievous) April 11, 2019

I just want to come on Twitter and laugh and be happy but everytime I log in I’m bombarded with misogynistic and homophobic tweets and smelly pick me hot takes ?When will it end?!?

— Damilola (@dami_odufuwa) April 11, 2019

Which Number Is The Best Arrangement In Life.

1. Sex, Love, Marriage
2. Marriage, Love, Sex
3. Sex, Marriage, Love
4. Love, Marriage, Sex
5. Love, Sex, Marriage

— Engr Tolu Tezzy_ (@tolutezzy_) April 11, 2019

Sex, sex, sex.

I fantasize about polygamy a lot. I owe myself 8 husbands tbh.

— Doreen Uloma Nwoke (@okemzuruoke) April 11, 2019

Will you able to ”handle’ each and every one of them, eh?