by Tunde Leye

Nigeria is a peculiar place. A lot is said about the death of our manufacturing industry and how we are not producing much. But this is just what haters say. Because they refuse to see the great and unique things that Nigeria produces day in day out. So here goes a few things that we produce in abundance and which we should consider part of our contribution to the world’s economy

Non-Political Party Campaign groups: At every level of the government, incumbency is the most important thing in Nigeria. Once you have this in your kitty, even before you declare for office officially, non-political campaign groups will begin to organize mega rallies for you. Of course no one can say you are campaigning. Your party is not campaigning. You have not declared. But these groups appear to get funds that only America will know about and keep mobilizing for you. You can easily pout and deny you have anything to do with them if questions are asked. And they are like Nigerian food. Once the season has passed, they go out of season like much of our produce that rots in storage, only re-emerging in other forms when the election season, that season of abundance of rain of Naira (and in recent time dollars) comes again

Apapandodo Pressure Groups: I couldn’t find any English word to quite capture these special ones. Apapandodo, the Yoruba term I settled for, means something that appears conveniently and suddenly when a need or opportunity arises. And we are gifted at spawning these in Nigeria. There is a political impasse anywhere in the country? Few politicians will publicly fight roforofo. But suddenly, a group will appear. And these groups will be well funded and fight the roforofo fights very well for the politician. Or take for example a powerful industrialist wants to push a new standard or regulation. A group will materialize and begin to vocally pursue these. Apapandodo. And we are the kinds at this.

Out of the Blues Billionaires: We rebased our economy recently, and overnight became the biggest in Africa. So it follows that we can produce billionaires who appear on the scene out of the blues. They probably also just rebase their personal economies and the billions appear. This has to be the only plausible explanation, as there is not real business that generated the billions. Their stories are filled with loopholes and blackholes as to how they grew their wealth. In fact, the only justification that many give as to their wealth is their various offices in exotic locations the world over. But we don’t see these businesses. How can we see them? We do not have the eyes for such. But the world sees and appreciates this wonderful Nigerian creation. There is scant mention of how much their businesses are worth. But the billionaires themselves? Ah, we are regaled with daily tales of their growing wealth.

Actors/Actresses that don’t feature in movies: This one is something we need to patent and fast. All it takes to be an actor in Nigeria is to get into a (cheap) studio, get some provocative sexy pictures taken and release them on the blogs. Instantly, you have become a fast rising movie star. No other country produces the quantity of fast rising waka pass movie like us. This is an achievement and we must be proud of it.

Angry writers: In all honesty, this one is not a Nigerian specialty, it is an African one. But by virtue of being the most populous country on the continent, we lead in the sheer numbers. There is no way you are a Nigerian writer worth your salt if you don’t consistently sound angry about something. It is our contribution to the literary world and we continue to “represent” in this area.

Haters: I don’t know any other country which has such a well-oiled machinery or producing haters like Nigeria. Songs by musicians across generations have been dedicated to them. All our successful people have haters – those Nigerians who are committed to being anti any successful thing that comes out of Nigeria. We can begin to export this commodity to other countries where the successful people seem not have this very important part of the Nigerian success story.

Of course this is not an exhaustive list. I just thought I should contribute my own quota. You can add to the list in the comments.

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