by Ifreke Inyang [@ifreke]

[11th – 16th Apr, 2011]

MONDAY: “I hope dis week is beta. Last week was just too hectic..” @SskyeWalker tweeted this Monday morning. @BigzFlygerian was thankful for yet another and also for the lives of his friends. “Lately, I look forward to every single day and highly anticipate them, to wake up and know all my friends are alive too!” @Drewbaba couldn’t recognise his own friends anymore, as they all seemed to be changing handles. “Everybody For My TL just dey change their handles,” he said in his tweet. “I dunno half of the pple am following now!” One thing that @MissRozzay knew for sure was that her boyfriend had lost it. Her tweet said that much: “It’s official! My bf is mentally unstable. Guess its time to find a new one… #sigh”

TUESDAY: @Ms_Sweetns didn’t care how many times her bbm contacts changed their profile names. She had found a way to curb such tendencies. “If u like change ur display name a hundred times with all   the symbols, she taunted them in her tweet. I have jejely changed it to ur real name to make it easier for   me.” Someone called @duni_nic by his real name and he didn’t find it funny. Sum1 just called me Zadiq on d road n I don’t even know d person! wtf!” he tweeted. @IniqueVirus was pissed at the people sending her broadcast messages about a party. She vented in her tweet: “All dis ode ppl sef sendin me mumu broadcast early moh moh…whc one is party again?…mshewww!”  @AdeYossie on her part was flirting with a familiar stranger on her bbm. “This guy on my BBM is really tryna score! He lives just 45mins away sha…*thinking*”

WEDNESDAY: @luchiz was thinking of disrupting activities in a bank. His furious tweet was: “So in oda news, Oceanic bank will see d oda side of me today.I swear toh God,am goin there to scatter sth, dey will call police today!” Today was @Omawumi’s birthday and she shared with us what it was like back in the days. “4yrs ago my salary na 5k. I was working while waiting for admission to Law School. No motor, from Bus to Bike steady! I knew things wld get better. I just didn’t know how…” @iamVIDI also couldn’t explain how he survived the night. “I’m shocked I’m alive…mosquitoes had a passover feast with my blood & PHCN just brought the light in Festac…WOW!” he exclaimed in his tweet. It’s that hard for people who have to deal with incessant power cuts. One of the trending topics today was #YouKnowLifeIsHardWhen. @JamesHeights:  “#YouKnowLifeIsHardWhen you scream at your babe for trying2throw d condom away after sex saying ‘I’ll wash it’” @DrewBaba:  “#YouKnowLifeIsHardWhen You sell your BB to pay for Bis..” @Tufab:  #UknowLifeHardWhen U Drink Garri Everyday But Add Sugar On Christmas Day.

THURSDAY:  It wasn’t Christmas yet but today marked a year since @PengBoiz registered his Twitter account. He tweeted excitedly, “My Twirra acct is a year today! Yipeee popping going on for it!” @fabolous2k7 had a feeling he was in for it. “I just called my boss by his first name by mistake, and his mood just changed all of a sudden,” he tried to explain in his tweet. “Don’t know how to apologise.. Hope I don’t get a query for dis..” @Majorboy8 queried the Fela concert that was being hosted at the Afrikan Shrine. “So they now sell Fela to us, same way they sell ice to Eskimos, water to drowning men and democracy to Ibos?!” Some of us weren’t old enough to understand Fela’s music when he was alive, but we still appreciate it. We took a trip to our younger days with the very interesting trending topic, #DeprivedNaijaChildhood. @1ceknownasfemi: “If u didnt lick the nasco flavouring on the biscuit #DeprivedNaijaChildhood”, @DuchessMoi: “If you don’t have a baby picture of yourself wearing Aso-Oke #DeprivedNaijaChildhood”, @seyizy: “If they didn’t divide ur eba into smaller balls for u #DeprivedNaijaChildhood”.

FRIDAY:  @Suru_lere was in dire need of anything that would make him eat normally. “I need an application to stop me frm eatin when I’m already stuffed,” he admitted in his tweet. “Hian! I just dnt knw wen to stop long as d food remains.” On her part, @irepunited tweet her concerns for her younger sister and ended it with a prayer.

The tweet said: “Oh Lord! all these boys chasing my sista, 4 boys escorted her home from skul today! God, pls help her to have sense!” @fabolousphantom’s prayers were answered. “I have finally fixed my charger….I can now press d fone while charging!” she tweeted happily. @DejiAdedeji’s phone was well charged but he was having network issues. “Folks can’t reach my cell but I can reach theirs. MTN abeg o!” he pleaded.

SATURDAY:  Today was the Presidential elections. No one needed to plead with the masses to turn up in their numbers to vote. @PengBoiz  needed a timely reminder from his father to do so though. “My Dad just reminded me dat his name is Jonathan by saying ‘are you going to vote?’ and I said ‘nah’. He den said ‘I don’t want to lose one vote in dis house! oya hurry up!’. I run go collect number straight!” @forakin wasn’t in support of cajoling people to vote. He told us why in his tweet: “People will vote for the politician that most appeals to them, don’t insult them by saying they are not thinking. #NigeriaDecides”. One politician that @biolakazeem felt didn’t have mass appeal was Chief Dele Momodu. “Sure enough, Dele Momodu will come out next week and say he was rigged out!! Like he was ever in d race!! All I’ve seen are videos of the jester dancing!”

Gbagaun of the week: Take your pick!

@Harbaryhormi: Some teams a basically useless

@AJackas: Every minute every second every hours of the day I missing you! I missing you! I LOVE YOU!

@Tres_Tres_Chic: if I could changes my way I would change dem for u .. I can’t promise tho

@jemieyt: This one says I dey save o, was the money reach 25k, na to go TB Joshua

@omo_nne: I really hate Nigerian movie acted in a America! Well, some!r quit wasting ur crime!

@orimezo: So wat of Buhari got 12 states, the nigga aint gon to won so u

@flylaby: Are my in school? Dat jeans won’t β allowed into a court room! mschewwwwwwwww

Recommended: Follow @LaoluSwaggz, @shaR_Rone & @tomwah_ and ask for a follow back.

Rant of the week: @SugarRush_bby: Mtcheeeww dis is rubbish! MOPLO in front of MTH searching bags… what for na?!

Retweet of the week:  @OgheneShinzki tweeted, “My Lips are on Fire.” @iBonze retweeted and asked, “I fit cm boil rice on top am?”

Tweet of the week: @drewere: I guess u were born by the roadside, cos that’s where most accidents happen.

Seriously tweeting: @iamillskillz: Yoruba people are more violent verbally than they are physically.

Quote my tweet: @KevinWithAnL: But why do people snore? Is it a means of sleep communication or a means to ward off night evil?

Foot Note: Many thanks to @Pengboiz for providing some of the tweets used in this roundup. You too can become a twirrespondent too. It’s quite easy. Get funny, witty and interesting tweets from your timelines and send them to me.