Why raising your emotional intelligence can benefit your sex life

by Aleasa M. Word


When I hear the word SEX, it always makes me chuckle thinking about the initial response people have to such a short, one syllable word. For most men, the radar goes up, television volume goes down and they are all ears.  Some men may start thinking “Ok, what is this going to cost me and is SHE worth it?”  Women on the other hand, in our complexity, have a myriad of responses which can be far less predictable and even surprising depending on the nature of the woman’s personality.

Truthfully speaking, though we know sex itself is an important part of intimate relationships, it continues to cause arguments and even the demise of many of those partnerships.  If engaged in according to biblical principles, the sexual act should create strength in the fiber between the two married parties participating in it.  This helps to protect the bond as the two become one for greater durability against attacks to the relationship and work towards the process of procreation.  The physical and emotional connection developed between two people during sex is said to create a covenant relationship.  With that said, if you believe in spirit knowing spirit, you might want to be careful what “covenant” you get yourself wrapped up in!

Fast forward to 2013 where sex is everywhere! There are so many terms that encompass the act of sex it’s not even funny.  It isn’t uncommon to hear things like “maintenance man” “sideline joint” “smash” and so on as it pertains to the person you may be having sex with. And yes, fortunately, there are still committed relationships, civil unions and even marriages that serve as true partnerships and not just friends with benefits.  Today’s television shows and commercials however, would make you think America is 85% sex and only 15% living and working. In the realism in which we live, we know that simply is not true.

So what does emotional intelligence (EI) have to do with sex?  For some sex can be looked at as a stress reliever and for others a form of physical activity. There certainly are additional benefits that come along with it if one decides be emotionally intelligent about it. The primary component of emotional intelligence is self-awareness.  In being self-aware we learn to understand our own emotions and the physiological responses that come with them.  As we increase our EI, we learn better ways to self-manage and be in tune with others around us.  We develop a unique ability to intermingle compassion, empathy and relationship management skills while picking up on social emotional cues of others. This assists us in better decision making, building rapport with clients, staff and peers while increasing our financial picture.  Now, in thinking about all of the potential benefits  of working on increasing our EI, it would only stand to reason that by raising our self and social awareness we could also grow our sexual fulfillment exponentially in our intimate relationships by applying some simple strategies.

Some important things to consider on how increasing EI can help intimacy:

  • Developing self-awareness early on as it pertains to things that are or aren’t comfortable for you AND your partner helps reduce frustration
  • Learning about potential stressors helps you see their impact on your libido
  • Understanding the effect of poor nutrition in the stress equation can opens your eyes to possible inconsistencies in your sex drive
  • Learning how adapting your receptors to tune into issues affecting your partner’s emotional state can give insight into what is causing them to be sexually unavailable
  • Finding how to determine when to seek additional help for deeply rooted concerns can explain why sex has been your drug of choice in dulling emotional pain
  • Understanding the importance of self-regulation and impulse control can assist in creating healthier environments for intimacy
  • Learning self-motivation techniques to work through tough times that create resentments can lessen their effects on intimacy

Sex is more than just about the physical activity for at least one of the partners if not both.  Leading with that thought, there is no reason it should not produce maximum benefit for each person.  With numerous studies being done on the impact of human touch or tactile stimulation from infancy into adulthood, there is proof that touch is beneficial for healing, mental stimulation, and even aging. Basic touch from a parent to a child or friend to a friend can yield amazing results. Why then would we not want the same or better results when engaging in intimate acts with our partner? Adding in the presence of self-awareness and social awareness through raising our emotional intelligence creates a recipe for a fulfilling sustainable sex life that can benefit any quality relationship.


Read full article at Black Life Coaches


Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

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