Young, Male: ONE

by Eresuyi Eguae

Let me say from the start that a lot of people will have an issue with the idea behind this piece because it suggests strict adherence to certain rules and imposes discipline on young people (which is our greatest fear). We have somehow picked up on living life to the fullest; living everyday like it’s your last. People die everyday, some people didn’t live to see 2011, you’re lucky to be alive. Who’s to say you’ll live beyond tomorrow? Plus you’re only young once right? These are some justifications we give for the actions we take these days, particularly when it comes to the all-too-sensitive topic of relationships.

As the title suggests I believe there is and should be only ONE person for you. By this I mean your entire life, you should have had only ONE girlfriend, if you have intentions of getting married/settling down, that is. Before you write me off as crazy, hear me out on the ideas behind this (foolish?) conclusion that I’ve arrived at.

Millions of people have tried before you and failed, so what makes your story any different? Are all of us meant to go through life ‘testing the waters’ and wondering: ‘Is she the one? what if I am wrong? I like both of them; who do I choose?’ I have news for you. Contrary to what you may have heard life is not random, and things don’t just happen. Life is deliberate and apt, brick by brick each piece is laid to bring you to an end. It doesn’t matter whether you believe in the existence of a supreme being or not, look out your window and tell me that’s coincidence.

My entire life I’ve been in just one relationship.  I’m in my early twenties so you could say I’m not that old, but I’ve made a deliberate decision not to go around ‘breaking hearts’ or allowing mine to be shattered. The way young people go about doing things these days can be likened to lunacy if you ask me. What is the essence of a relationship? For some it is ‘Licence to Knack’, for others they are trying to fill a void, and for others any other state is simply abnormal.

I repeat, there should be only ONE reason for starting a relationship, and that’s with the intent of marriage. All other reasons (though you may not agree) are selfish – they’re about you, what you want and how you want it. Who’s going to call you 10times daily? Who’s going to pay for your BIS? Who do you run to when you are horny? Who would you hold on cold nights?

Western culture has fed us doodle about the process of finding a partner. The truth is that it takes years to truly know a person. Choosing to be with someone after dating her for two weeks is picking a loaded gun and taking random shots at your head. Our emotions do not help matters and this usually is what blinds us to reality and urges us to ‘follow our heart’. If only you would speak to that heart and say ‘slow down, I don’t know her that well. Let’s stretch the friendship period a tad bit longer’. What if she’s taken by the time I’m ready? Then it wasn’t meant to be.

How about the whole ‘friend zone’ debacle? The truth about that is that you can only truly settle down and be happy with your friend; the one that has seen you without makeup, held you when you cried, knows your dirty secrets, has given and taken your advice and shared years of experiences with.

What I’m saying, in essence, is wait for the ONE. When she comes you will know from within. It wont be a case of ‘what ifs’ or guess work because it would all have been. In the meantime being what should you do with those hormones? You tell me.

Phot credit: myspace.com

12 Comments

  • mayowa says:

    Lovely article. Just a thot…if "Contrary to what we may have heard life is not random, and things don’t just happen" then maybe being in more than 1 relationship, for most people, was just meant to happen.

  • DammyThrive says:

    Relationship is just like a school of learning…..full of up and down…just be careful before you make your decision

  • Sorry, my comment is not in line with the article 'cos i am yet to read it. For a Fact I am in Love with your excellent design.

    I would be back to read and comment.

  • Cardoso says:

    @bankole, I see your point, but there is no way I can explain my point with out stating it from the spiritual (christian) angle. But since that isnt what this article is about, I will save my preaching for later,lol.

    Just be careful when having fun.

  • bankole says:

    @Cardoso What if that reason is 'fun'? That's not a good enough reason?

    That is life. Not only in relationships. For there to be a winner, there has to be a loser. Relationships are a microcosm of life and humans' relations with each other. You can get hurt in friendship & business so why not relationships? Even if u get into one for the right reasons, it doesn't mean u can't get hurt.

    Both scenarios( for fun & for marriage) can have the same ending so why choose the less interesting one? [As long as fun is ur thing and being done responsibly]

    I honestly still don't see why I should wait to be ready to marry to date. Just because someone, even me, could get hurt.

    All's fair in love and war.

  • Cardoso says:

    Good article.

    @bankole. What's d right way to do it? If you decide to 'test the waters' it will always end up hurting somebody.

    I think eresuyi's main point is that we should look at our reason for going into a relationship. Is it that we are looking to settle down with the person or we are just looking to 'have fun'?

  • Tofboi says:

    Bello u be clown
    Eresuyi nice one…that's also my principle on relationships. Well said!

  • P Bello says:

    Great article. I was rily touched. Whoever you are, I say thank you.

  • bankole says:

    This my friend likes to look for trouble with his renegade views but it is a well-written article so he remains my friend 🙂

    Now my comment.

    I do not see a compelling reason in your article to not 'test the waters'. It is fun to do so and what does one really lose if it's done right? 'Random shots to the head'? What does that entail?

    You're right, Some take western notions of romace too far but that doesn't mean we should toss the baby out with the bathwater.

    That said, dating is good if done right. Don't deny yourself the pleasures of youth (within reasonable limits). There's no point living like a monk now stifling your desires only to regret it later.

    And if u choose to follow Eresuyi's advice, count the cost before building.

    My 2 cents.

    Again, good article.

  • goodman says:

    I agree with you. Many people have a distorted idea of relationships. A faithful relationship with one person will most likely guaranty a steady marriage.

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