We’ve been watching with passive amusement as some of the top government officials fall over themselves to inform us of their phone conversations with President Buhari, all so we can quit the idle talk about his death and health. Since this is already looking an unfolding drama, we won’t hesitate to help write the rest of the script being acted out by the Senate President and now the Speaker of the House of Reps.

First, Senator Bukola Saraki tweets about speaking to the President over a phone call. He said the president was in good spirits and joked about him working late into the night. Cool story! We’re glad to know the president has the energy to make jokes.

Then, Hon. Yakubu Dogara also decides to share the tale of his own phone conversation with the president, only that with him, the president is in no mood for jokes. Instead, he’s in pains.  Despite being away in the UK, “the sufferings that Nigerians endured in 2016” hurts the president deeply and he seems to have found the solution to food insecurity in the country. He’s shared details with Hon Dogara so we’ll soon be sorted. See what an extended vacation can do…

So since we’re all being childish, we thought we’d play around this experiment…whose turn will it be to receive a phone call from the president tonight?

Femi Adesina: Far-fetched but this will be a mighty miracle since the man recently admitted in an interview that he is not in direct contact with the President in the UK. “I have not spoken to him directly…He was to speak with me last night, I was already put on standby that the President would speak to me last night. The call eventually did not come. So maybe he slept off or something”. That disappointment may soon turn around.

Lai Mohammed: A phone call from the president will give the minister some direction. He’ll know how to spin his tales henceforth.

Babatunde Fashola: No jokes! One question… Light don dey?

Hadi Sirika: The president may be lenient on this one and share a few jokes with him. Then he will suggest how to speed up the renovation of the Abuja airport.

Governor Nasir El-Rufai: We doubt he’ll take the president’s call. He’ll ask his aides to tell a lie on his behalf.

Godwin Emefiele and Kemi Adeosun: As both of them won’t deserve separate phone calls, President Buhari will ask to speak with them together and it will be a lengthy conversation about naira devaluation. They won’t tweet about it in the morning though so we probably will never know.

Pastor Tunde Bakare: This conversation will be about life after death. Whose death? Figure it out yourself.

Dino Melaye?: No, he won’t be getting a presidential phone call.

Bets, anyone?

Tolu

Your pop culture/entertainment go-to. Music head. Wallflower. I do not like to write. On a mission to decipher covfefe.