by Ifeanyi Dike Jr
Take this as digest – you have never known true satisfaction until you’ve told someone quite deserving off.
The phrase ‘children of nowadays’ has never been said to me with negative insinuation three times in one day. This means I’m becoming increasingly unappealing to the preceding generation. Perhaps I should do something about it lest their blessings pass me by. But Lord, they annoy me, their ideologies and concepts are so archaic at times – I just want to scream ‘shut the f**k up’.
I was filling out a form at the Glo office when a wallet dropped at my feet. Deeply engrossed in my business, I subconsciously picked up the wallet and handed it to the man in front of me from whose pocket it obviously dropped.
‘Can you imagine’ he said with utter shock, ‘You are giving me with your left hand’.
Imagine my retaliating shock. After taking out time from my busy schedule to help out, this is what I get. So I respected myself, put the wallet back on the floor, and continued with my business.
Oh, did this man rumble, as though he was taking out all his marital problems on this single outburst, talking about how our generation is a spoiled bunch that a bright future will surely elude. All that mattered to me however was that I did not pick the wallet a second time.
Later at Union bank with my friend Jennifer, they required us to open an account as the only way to withdraw our bursaries, after which they insisted that closing it was the only way to withdraw the entire amount. As it is Union bank where abacus computers and ceiling fans still thrive, we ultimately agreed to close the accounts. But the lady behind us was not having any of such nonsense. She decided to advocate on behalf of the bank and for the cause of saving for a rainy day.
‘When daddy gives you N 500, N 200 and little change’ she said, lowering her voice ‘keep it in the account. This way, you save for the future’.
Goodness!
This woman did not know me – if I had a trust fund or a piggy-bank.
‘Thank you ma’am’ I said, and then I turned to the cashier ‘close the account’.
‘Children of nowadays’ she tutted ‘they never listen. They’ll be acting like they know more than everyone’.
She continued her rant, walking behind us until we got to the exit. Obviously, this was a matter awfully dear to her heart.
Still, no one riled me up like the woman on the bus-ride back home. She looked like a 40-year-old (or older) considering that her wrinkles were in full cry. Along with green and red patches that passed her off easily as the perfect endorsement for Egyptian Milk bleaching cream.
On the front row, there was one proper seat and another ramshackle one on top of the engine. Having treated a patient with butt burns from a flaming engine seat the night before, I wasn’t going to take my chances; I sat on the good seat. This woman stood at the door, staring at the seats and me as if she was suggesting that I moved.
I said to her ‘There’s no seat here; it’s the engine top just in case you were thinking of going in’
‘Look at this boy’ she responded furiously ‘Am I your mate that you’ll ask to go and sit inside’?
‘I didn’t say anything like that ma. I was asking if’…
‘I don’t care where you are from, whether it’s Lagos or Abuja, you have no home training’
‘Oh, please stop it ma’am. Don’t you dare say sh*t about my home. You know nothing about my home. I asked if you wanted to sit, if you don’t understand the question, then ask but don’t go off on me like I’m the child that ruined your figure after childbirth’.
I found myself a new seat at the back, amidst middle-aged passengers that were simultaneously shocked and eager to shun me. But I on the other hand, felt good. Take this as digest – you have never known true satisfaction until you’ve told someone quite deserving off.
When it was time to get off the bus, the conductor wasn’t having any of her nonsense. She had apparently forgotten her purse at home. Being the last two passengers on the bus, I took it upon myself to reach out to her despite our prior squabble.
‘Do you need any help’ I asked. Imagine the cynical grin on my face. ‘Or should I get you someone with home training’
Ifeanyi Dike Jr is an actor and writer. He started his career on Nigeria’s most celebrated soap opera, Tinsel. He has since appeared on Desperate Housewives Africa, Gidi Up as well as MTV’s Shuga. He debuted on film playing lead, Uzoma in the critically acclaimed ‘Green White Green’ which premiered at the 2016 Toronto International Film Festival and won him a ‘Special Jury Recognition Award at the African International Film Festival (AFRIFF.)
In 2013, he graduated with a Bachelor of Medicine, Bachelor of Surgery degree from Igbinedion University. Ifeanyi currently splits his time generously between Lagos and University of California Los Angeles where he is the first African achieving a master’s degree in acting.
thanks guys
I'm sorry, but I'm not buying this! There are other ways to proove your self than to retort. I'm not even goint to start!
I dont see anything wrong in any of the situations depicted if they occurred exactly as narrated
Can’t stop laffing…… think d older generations need to differentiate between being respectful n being stupid.Dey bully one to be both n if u don’t oblige dem dey say ‘children of nowaday’dis n dat. Nice piece!
nice
Don't forget that the "children of nowadays" will become the "elders" of tomorrow, and just as a generation gap exists now, so it will be then. And remember, what goes around, comes around.
Very, very interesting read. There are few times people give me some things with their left hand and they tell me sorry, I always ask them after such remark "Did you give me with your leg that you are saying sorry" and the next thing is a smile or laugh from them, they get my point. I laughed hard after reading this article and thought that if I were to categorize this in the finishing move of Mortal Kombat, the First one will be a Fatality, the second an Animality (she followed you to the door like a sheep while bleating her words) and the third Babality (treated her like a baby). Lol!
I totally, ABSOLUTELY, enjoyed this. I wish I was with you in everyone of those scenerios! Oh my days! Thank you for the way you responded to the 3 of them. You gladden my heart.
Do unto other what you want them to do to you.
Adults want younger ones to respect them but they always forget that younger ones need to be respected too. I will admit that some youths are very rude, but you shouldn't judge all youths based on the behaviour of few.
Respect is reciprocal.
Nice article. the last paragraph really made me laugh.
This is hilarious but sadly much needed. While I do not advocate for being rude or sharp mouthed to our elders, I recommend that sometimes they need to be given a mini wake up call. Note to older generation: Yes we miss the old days, but times have changed so move on already. You cant always get what you want. Great article, I feel your pain.
LOOOOL. I LOVE THIS!!I do this often,its not a bad habit afterall 😉
That bus thing happens a lot tho. Mehn u wa so bold with the wallet thing. Wulda probably put it on d table bt nt d floor! Hahaha. Good piece
Do unto other what you want them to do to you.
Adults want younger ones to respect them but they always forget that younger ones need to be respected too. I will admit that some youths are very rude, but you shouldn't judge all youths based on the behaviour of few.
Respect is reciprocal.
Nice article. the last paragraph really made me laugh.
And she has the sweetest heart.
Hw u doin I really miss u so sorry 4 not callin hw service
Hahahahaha Love it!
Oh dear!!!
Lol! Nice write up
Nice piece. It's obvious,especially in the africa setting. If someone is older than you,then they can never be wrong. Most adults do not know when they r meant to back off. If you speak up,they will say it's an act of indiscipline. It's this same mentality that has brought us to our present situation. They call ours a wasted generation,whereas,theirs is a FAILED generation.
Laughing my head off right now; "or should I get someone with home training", I'm sure she felt like sinking into the ground. There's nothing quite as cathartic as telling someone off when they deserve it.
lolzz,,….
I LAFF
Nice one! But I do not like ur jab at UBN,am sure that part is a figment of ur imagination,Ceiling fan and Abacus computer???? I ve been there since 2005 and definitely none anywhere-"Children of nowadays"!!Lol!!!!
Halarious
i so love your pieces. this is so me, i dont hesitate to tell off people once i've reached the peak!
Ifeanyi Dike Jnr, damn crazy you! God please! This is too much laughter for a day. You ROCK boy! Keep it up.
This ifeanyi guy has killed me choi! Lmao
Nice!