by Mika Maddela
Although you can’t control your partner and their reaction, you have 100% control of how you choose to react and respond
Arguments and disagreements with the people we love are bound to happen. Your spouse says says or does something that upsets you and you get defensive. Your spouse and you have different opinions on a subject matter and you find yourself trying to argue your point across. Fights happen, it’s normal. However, there are many ways we unknowingly gamble with our relationships.
Here are 4 ways to diminish fights in your relationship and keep the romance alive in your marriage.
1. Share Humanity
As much as we wish we can make our partner feel or want something, we really have no control over what they want. This means, we can’t force them to share our views or wants. Most fights are usually based on each person trying to convince someone else that they’re right and that their partner is wrong. It’s a losing game because no matter what we do, we cannot force anyone to feel a certain way.
The only person we have any control over is ourselves. We can control how we choose to respond to our partner and our situation. This is the first step diminishing the impact of fights you have with your partner, by letting go of this need to control the outcome.
2. Using “I” Statements
Whenever you start a sensitive subject with the word “You,” you’re partner is instinctively on the defense mode. Your statement is easily arguable when you’re using “You” statements. “I” statements are much more effective at getting a point across. When you’re using “I” statements, no one can argue with your feelings because like I mentioned earlier, the only person we have control over is yourself. Especially if you caught your husband checking out another woman, you can use “I” statements to get your point across without starting a huge argument.
3. Give Your Partner Chance to Speak Their Mind
Many people can get self-involved with themselves when they’re talking to other people that they don’t allow the other person an opportunity to talk. Give your spouse a chance to explain their feelings and their perspective and take the time to fully process what they’re saying.
Imagine yourself in their shoes, you would appreciate it if someone took the time to listen to your words. This helps your partner feel heard and lessen the impact of your argument.
4. End Your Evening on a Positive Note
Arguments have a way of creating a tension in the air so thick you can slice it with a knife. Rather than going to bed angry, which only creates resentment and bitterness, at the end of the evening, make a habit of telling each other what you’re grateful for. Even if you and your spouse are in a huge fight, there is always something to be grateful for.
You’re grateful for your children, your home, getting to work on time today or meeting the deadline or the dinner your spouse cooked.
Whatever it may be, tell eachother everything that you are grateful for. This is a great way to alleviate the tension between you and your spouse. You may not get your spouse to participate but you can change the dynamic of your relationship by being the person to step up and begin this nightly ritual.
By focusing on what you’re grateful for, you are eradicating any negativity that you have as well as lessening the impact of fights in your marriage.
Although you can’t control your partner and their reaction, you have 100% control of how you choose to react and respond in your marriage. This is one of the first step to changing the dynamic in your relationship without resorting to manipulative tactics or reverse psychology like many of the internet’s worst relationship advice.
Read this article in Your Tango
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.