[5th to  10thSeptember]

By Ifreke Inyang [@Ifreke]

 

MONDAY: “Morning good ppl. Just wnt 2 wish y’all a lovely week ahead, “ @DONJAZZY tweeted as the new week swung by. “May God bless our going out & our coming in, our hustle 2. in JESUS Name. Amen.”

@AyoBankole was on his way out but the vehicle he was in developed problems. “This bus has died on the road shaaa!!!! #Chooooiiiii! Early monday morrin??? Eeeeewwww!” he tweeted in anger. @AndyMadaki was stuck somewhere else. He told us where in his tweet: “I’m stuck in this building cos I don’t know how to open the doors. I’m sure the guys in the CCTV room will be laughing #OsuofiaMoments”. @PrincessLamie was stuck at home and wanted someone to show her love. “I want chicken nd chips :'( if u love me tell ur cab man 2 bring it 2 my crib,” she tweeted.

TUESDAY: @feline_eyes was willing to show one of her followers some love by offering to buy her shawarma. “Erm @Naelda, I dey go buy shawarma o. Make I buy for u? Na big one o with plenty garlic & grease,” she asked in her tweet. @Sir_Scribbles wasn’t interested his sister going all gospel as she was likely to deny him food the next day. He tweeted: “My sister is singing Christian songs in her room nw, 2moro she’ll refuse to cook & leave us to starve -_-. God will fight my battles 4 me.” @obasolape was glad that at least one of the Nigerian teams that played today won. “Nigeria Beach soccer team’s victory over Tahiti to serve as consolation for today’s bashing from Argentina. Final scoreline 4-1.”

WEDNESDAY: @Sal_VaDoR_ was beaten in his dream and he planned to go back to dreamland to revenge. “I dreamt I was beaten up.. I nid to go bak to sleep and beat da modaf**ker,” he tweeted. But for @Dammytoda, he was getting use to a new trend: “starting to get used to armed robbers coming around…. Last nyt was just 1 of such.” “@sleek_barbie wasn’t willing to tolerate a man’s antics though; “This man beside me ȋ̝̊̅§ sha looking for a way his elbow will touch my boobs,” she told her followers. “He shld stupidly shift joor..!”

THURSDAY: @obadayo was pissed about something else. “Hell of a day with the UK immigrations guys… ‘detained’ for 7hrs… I no dey come dis country again…” he fumed. @WaleGafar’s cousin didn’t wait too long after he left the house before calling out for company. “On my way out and I haven’t even left the compound, my cousin has updated his BBM status with ‘Home Alone & Horny’ What a slut!” he tweeted. @SirTymix’s grouse was with tweeters who lie. “Some tweeps come on twitter to lie abt staying alone while. They still live with their parents..smh,” he tweeted. @MOsallyHITS’ day was made by one of her parents. Her tweet said “My mummy sent me a white gold, pearl beads, bracelets, nighties, shoes, slippers and even PAD. Am happy *sigh* this woman made my day.”

FRIDAY: @eric_kehinde went on shopping and bought so much that her bank account suffered. “Spent a 110k on a red torch nd red beats by dre! Red account atm! Nd no garri to soak! I go thin die!” she told us in her tweet. @JamesLully was itching to give out her bank account details to all her secret admirers. “I wish all my so called secret admirers will stop textin me about love and my beauty! And tell me to send my account number!!!!!!!” she tweeted. All @efizynow wanted was to be admired. “So I was featured on d pages of This day style I have 2 tweet dat picx sha.. Shout out 2 my guys, dem wey see am. #FashionIconTohBahd” he announced.

SATURDAY: @akureborn had been searching for his wallet for ages and didn’t see it. “WTF! I av been lookin for my wallet since morning,” he tweeted. “I still can’t find it. That means I can’t go to the beach again.” @ucheukah’s movement was hindered because the roads were blocked. Her angry tweet was: “What is this country turning into. They blocked all d roads in Ikoyi 4 one dignitary going 2 God knows whr & becos of dt dr is gangstar traffic!” Those who were at home stayed glue to their TVs to watch league games. “I love soccer , I just don’t tweet about it so I won’t look like a tomboy, lmao x_x” @todunokedara tweeted. For Arsenal fans, they were relieved to get a first win. “1-0 to the #Arsenal! A win is a win, 3 points are 3 points. But we played shite!” @InducedChalice admitted.

 

Gbagaun of the week: Have your pick!

@CRXN1: So wat did Nigeria played wit Madagascar?

@letarie: My brother just made a funny, instead of me to laugh like a normal person,I said “L.O.L.”  … I need help. 🙁

@SirTymix: Never call anyone ugly on a social site till u met d person

@kkdonjay: Jay-z, Kanye And Lilwayne Are Busy Enjoy Their Money… Nigerians Are Busy arguing ( -̩̩̩͡˛ -̩̩̩͡ )

@crankwilliamz: All dis Bokoharam tinz hav falled nigeria hand.

@martinsfm1: jst recovery from malaria *coughs*

@AaliyaahJackson: He Has A Green Eyes

@SPOgidenPOLolit: Kai. I am official fed up.
@I_YIM_Wilson: Unilag are making pple cry here ooo
@IcyK: i’ll pray for you, even if you hated me…i can’t hold a grudges.
@Frankices: I am so envious of all those that eaten Agege bread b4. Heard its the ish.
@FruittySwaqBoii: That HTC is tight tho’.. Think i’mma bought it
@_CoolAssCay: Your phone better be died!

@iweezyswag: I need to see a therapy or a physician

@SiR_Tobii: Mary, Damola is a b*tches

@Num3R0_uN0: dat was a funny

@verygudbadgurl: So I’ve bin carry a cup around all day….nobdy shud ask me wots in it

@Crixtien: Saying the truth differs from knowing it. I am more interest in the latter.

@Battletide: The more I try to understand Adele’s songs…the sadder is get

@Star_Cassidy: My baby boy finally falled asleepy, he has a big day tomorrow

@kay_kas: I stolen ma cousins fone nd update rubbish

@gBkNeEyo: A whole team died in a airplane crash

@Dantelex: The really sinners…preaches a lot…..

@Ryaaaaan_: it’s funny when an egg can operating twitter

@DamnRightTweets: Twitter.The only place you can legally stalking people. #DRT

@KieraBriana: I Losted Mad Followers -_____-

@seanwizy:Toms for sold at a cheap price, Holla!!!

@Ogieyy: Did u went to school yesterday @jimiginger

@Roteame: There are only 2things a children willingly share; Communicable diseases and their mothers ages

@TeflonKofs So it turns out it’s good 2 have sex during pregnant…

@AdRil_: I’m suprised why nollywood haven’t come up wt a movie titled “james bond” yet..

@dmoni212: Although we loosed, yet i’m proud to be a NIGERIAN. Go NIGERIA go EAGLES

@Suriiyaah: I can’t believe I almost dranked a f’ckin cockroach!!!

Recommended: Follow @MrRayJar and ask for a follow back.

Rant of the week:  @opeh07: I hate it wen pips come to my place unannounced!!!!!!!!!! 4 cryn out loud,dats y u have a mobile fone!!!!! Call me 1st!!!!!!

Tweet of the week: @Roteame: Lwkmd. See yoyo bitters dey try copy cowbell. Iz dis wack jingle meant to turn things for dem? (It sounds like worship song in cele church)

Retweet of the week:  @mhissyTipsy tweeted: “Is dere BBM 4 Android ???”. @RudeBadtBoiz retweeted and said: “BBM Means===> BlackBerry Messenger, U dig ?”

Seriously tweeting: @thetoolsman: Kwam 1 is really intriguing.. He jst spent almost 10minutes talking about how he went frm Canada to Lagos on an album & ppl buy this ish?
SUBstance: @sm1krazee: Dat gal dropped her pin..nw her contacts haf increase…be hidin ur own segbo…*rolls eba nd slaps it*

Quote my tweet:  @LalaGidiBoi: And if you think you can start a fight with me to get followers… Wrong person.. I’ll give you a location… We meet and then we Fight

 

 Foot Note: Many thanks to @PengBoiz for providing some of the tweets used in this roundup. You can also become a YNaija twicorrespondent too. It’s quite easy. Get funny, witty and interesting tweets from your timelines and send them to @Ifreke.