Beauty’s memoir ‘I don’t hide my scars’ cuts past the bullsh_t about sexual assault

Beauty

It is real. Sexual abuse, when discovered, evokes extreme reactions, due in the most part to ignorance, fear, and guilt.

It is a crime. It can happen to anyone, male or female. Most of these assaults are done by men and by someone that you know such as a family member or an acquaintance.

YNaija had a chat with 22-year old Beauty, who has gone through what can sometimes be described as “extreme form of sexual assault”- she was her father’s victim.

Read below:

You have a published book, so tell us, what experience(s) inspired the book? Or was it written out of third-party experiences?

I was sexually abused by my father, then by several other men in my life. I was broken by the people who should have moulded me. I watched my mother pretend that all was well with her family. I was pimped out for money and I’ve done more abortions than I can count. Our society thrives on a culture of silence when it comes to serious issues. They tell you to keep quiet about your pain, to not tell anyone if you’re abused. Even if you’re hurting really badly, they would prefer that you just apply makeup and plaster on a fake smile. I do not want to be part of a culture like that. I went on my own unique journey, in a search for healing. So while still in this process, I decided to reach out to others walking the path I once walked. That’s how my blog, www.idonthidemyscars.com was born and after blogging for a couple of months, I decided to put all my experiences in a book, so that other people can read and learn.

Did the experience(s) affect anything and how did you come out of it?

Yes it did. In fact, it affected everything. For a long time, I hated my body. I hated myself. I hated men. I hated God. I have tried to kill myself more times than I can count. I battled STIs. I’m only 22 years old and I feel like I’ve got 50 years worth of experience. I still wake up screaming sometimes due to the trauma.

I don’t think I’m fully out yet, but I’m well on the way there. I went for sessions with a psychiatrist at some point, I’m constantly doing things that make me a better person. I find joy in reaching out to others and helping them out of murk. I currently run an organization called The IDHMS Foundation, we are currently in the process of being registered and we are building a free school/shelter for underprivileged, sexually abused females.

What do you hope to achieve with the book?

First, I want to let other abused people know that they aren’t alone, because one of the biggest lies that we are sold is that we are alone in our battle, that if we raise our voices, nobody can hear us. I also want females to become bolder. I want parents to read my book and take better care of their children, pay attention to every slight detail about them. I want children to read my book and know when to scream, not every uncle should be entertained, not every pastor is God’s annointed.

Since the book is already published, have you received any kind of feedback – from friends, family, even though you wrote it anonymously?

Yes. I have received a lot of feedback. My adoptive family understand me better and they know how to love me better. This is very important to me because I had no idea how to relate with a family since mine was dysfunctional. The few friends I have are extremely supportive. Some of them also faced abuse and didn’t quite know how to properly process it/overcome it until they met me and heard/read my story.

You talked about people sponsoring copies for girls, do you think anyone will want to do that with an anonymously written book?

Yes. I think that my identity is very inconsequential. This book is bigger than me. Because lots of people go through these things and our society sweeps it under the carpet. So far, my book has received a lot of support and at the moment, we have several free copies to give out during our outreaches to secondary schools, all paid for by women who’d prefer to remain anonymous. I feel like people relate with me even better because I am anonymous.

As we celebrate International Women’s Month, what will you say to young girls out there going through similar experiences or how will advise young girls to avoid such kind of experiences. Even when they do, what should they do to get out of it before they become completely devastated – where they attempt something like suicide?

Even though I feel like Africans only celebrate International Women’s Month with their mouths and typing skills, I’ll say that I look forward to the birth of a generation of women who do not hide their scars.

If anybody; family, friend or stranger; touches you in a way that you do not like/want to be touched, speak out. Run when you need to run, do not stay in an abusive situation because you are hoping and praying that things will change. Run first, then pray while you’re running.

They say that there is light at the end of the tunnel, but do not wait till you get to the end of the tunnel, be your own light.

It is okay to cry. It is okay to fall. Don’t stay at that point, get up and keep moving. It’s okay to hurt, but don’t stay hurting.

Don’t kill yourself, everything you’re upset about now is something you’ll laugh about tomorrow, but you won’t know if you do not live that long.

Shout out to yourself and girls out there.

We are powerful beyond imagination and very capable of more than we realise.


“I Don’t Hide My Scars” is a true life story of Beauty’s journey through sexual assault, physical, psychological as well as emotional abuse and how she healed.

According to her: It’s a book I intend to use to raise awareness for kids, teenagers, adults, parents, and – EVERYONE.

In addition to that, 70% of the proceeds from this book will go towards building shelter and free school for sexually abused females. 

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