Boyowa Eresanara: Avoiding the friend zone ( 30 Days, 30 Voices)

by Boyowa Erasanara

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“The trick to avoid being zoned is to be fast in studying whoever you want to get involved with”

Humans are designed to have desires. The unending increase of our insatiable demands influence our relationships. Most guys want to hit on every girl they come across. (Dude, get that attitude in check!) The truth is that you cannot date every girl you come across. You have to be friends to some, brothers to others and lovers to the rest. If you ask me what’s going through my mind as I write this, here it is; it’s okay to be in the zone once in a while whether the friend zone, family zone or whichever zone you find yourself in.

The trick to avoid being zoned is to be fast in studying whoever you want to get involved with. Here are a few tips on how to go about this:

#1. Start small: 
No need to jump right in and start pursuing every girl in sight; Start small! Start by doing things dating-wise that you normally wouldn’t have done in the past, such as openly flirting with a girl whom you find attractive. You don’t need to be all over her, but be forthcoming with the facts that you are attracted to her. Whether she reciprocates or not really isn’t the point (but if she does, great!). Just letting yourself express how you’re feeling in the moment, with a girl whom you are attracted to, is the whole point of this.

If you are lucky and the first girl you approach is receptive, take the initiative and don’t be afraid to ask for her number; Don’t let it go to waste. There are ways to do this without appearing as overly aggressive. If the first few (or several) girls you openly flirt with don’t seem receptive, just view it as practice, after all practice makes perfect.


#2. Don’t take it personal:
If you notice that you have been relegated to the friend zone don’t feel too bad; After all, it is not the end of the world. More so, don’t cut off communication as most people would, thereby creating a wall between both parties. It might just be that he/she is telling you to step up your game or try something out of the box. Just see it as an opportunity to reach out and launch out again. Rejection is a natural phenomenon; You will just have to find a way of being comfortable with it. I don’t want to list out some semi-related, off-hand stories about how some of the most successful business tycoons faced multiple instances of rejections, before stumbling on their winning formulas (I am pretty sure you have heard plenty of those). But you should know that even the most attractive, charming, seductive, witty guys (or girls) have had to face rejection at one point or the other….no one person is capable of charming everyone (even if it seems they can)

(PS: I can charm you though, don’t try me!)

The difference between you and that guy or girl, who you think has got game more than you (or luck as the case may be), is that they don’t take rejection personally; They also know that just because one girl/guy/company/opportunity turns them down doesn’t reduce their value or what they have to offer.


#3. Have a ”You never know until you try” attitude:  

So you asked a girl out; Her answer is ‘No’, or that she prefers you as a friend or sees you as a brother. So, what do you do next? Life goes on. There will be other girls. But, if you never ask her out, you will never know if she would have said yes, and that, to me, is worse than being flat-out rejected.


#4. Stop over thinking! 
Yeah, you heard right. Stop over analysing every little thing in your mind that a girl/guy says or does. Most women do this, and have you seen how much trouble it causes them? When you’re constantly second-guessing yourself and the situation, you get nowhere.

You see a girl you like? Ask her out. If she says no, move on to the next one. If she says yes, wonderful! If you sit there and ponder over the different scenarios- what will happen if you ask her, paralysed by the thought of hearing “no” (but equally scared of hearing yes); You just make it easier for some guy to come along and “steal” her away before you have even get a chance.

Finally, in the words of NIKE, “Just do it!”. After taking the steps above, the only thing left is to just do it! You can sit, ponder and analyse a situation to death (simply your headache), but nothing happens until you have made the first move.

So get up, get out and get him/her … The choice is yours!

Have fun and wish you good luck!


Boyowa Erasanara is a Man United Fan with a cool, calm and calculated personality. He tweets from @HRFLYNESS.

30 Days, 30 Voices series is an opportunity for young Nigerians from across the world to share their stories and experiences – creating a meeting point where our common humanity is explored.

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija


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