by Chi Ibe
I found myself in a major dilemma a few months ago, I had met this guy who turned out to be a major psycho, he still hunts my dreams.
The effect the incident had on me was so intense, I like to think of it as the ‘Solomon Grandee Effect’ because of the pace at which everything had happened. I mean I met Jamie on Monday, went on a date on Tuesday, I became his girlfriend by Wednesday, broke up on Thursday and by Friday the police was at my door.
I never move that fast, usually I over think stuff before making a final decision. I weigh the consequences, examine the cause and effect and everything else in-between, but I was going through an identity crisis at the time and felt so alone or that’s the excuse I’ve come up with when people ask me why I did it- bring the crazy into my life, that is.
I met Jamie in a supermarket, we were in a queue waiting to buy some items we had picked up separately. He was this tall lanky white guy and I then I thought his smile was pretty (now I cringe). He spun around perhaps out of boredom standing in the long queue then our eyes met briefly, so in typical British dry humour manner, he picked up a pair of sun glasses from a stand nearby, wore it and turned around again to make a funny face at me. I think I was frowning too hard, I’ve got one of those faces that naturally look mean so part of me admired his courage and I smiled at his goofy act.
He took the glasses off and introduced himself as Jamie the DJ and I told him I was a photography student. Next thing he handed me his business card and asked if I would add him on Facebook… big deal, I said yes!
We chatted on Facebook for hours about politics, music and films then decided to go out on a proper date. We met at a bar and just as the conversation kicked off, I noticed he twitched a bit when he spoke. I didn’t want to judge him too soon so I kept talking but I thought I’d just throw it in there and asked; “have you done drugs before?” He was honest and said he had but was now clean, well that was a lie.
We had a few more drinks and the conversation got deeper, not sure if I had one too many but I remember he said he would like us to be serious because he felt a strong connection. I said we should see how we get along and I thought he was a nice guy. I got home and viola, a Facebook notification about being in a relationship with Jamie.
I’ve never updated my relationship status before so I thought it was fun and accepted the change. That was when my friends started calling asking when that happened. I told them the story and they begged me to call it off and take it slow like normal people do. Of course he’ll understand, it’s too sudden.
Jamie didn’t understand, in fact he was so furious on the phone, his voice was shaking. He swore at me and then cut the phone. I sent him a text that we should meet up in town and talk about this.
At the shops close to the library, I told Jamie I wasn’t ready for a relationship because I needed to study and I thought we moved too fast. He said he was sorry for swearing at me and that was our first fight as a couple. “No Jamie, we are not a couple, I don’t want to be your girlfriend and I’m sorry if I led you on for a second,” I said. He grabbed hold of my shoulder and shook me hard, “we are good together,” he screamed. I forced myself off him and hurried away quickly wondering what the hell had just happened.
Next day I received a call from my office because it was my day off. My boss was on the phone saying they just had to call the office security to remove Jamie from the building when he came in asking for me and then started screaming that I broke his heart but I was still his girlfriend and he’ll take me back.
I was so upset, I probably should have left him but I called again to threaten him “African style”. We met in the car park and for some reason he thought we were about to make up. He said:
“Baby, I knew you would come around”.
I dropped my bag on the floor and pointed a finger at him; “Let me tell, you, if you ever, I say ever, come to my office again, call me or refer to me as your girlfriend, I’ll…”
“Shut the f**k up, what you on about?” he cut me short. Then he started coming at me with his fist out but I docked, “you black bi**h, you black Ni**a,” he screamed, and swore some more then turned around and marched off.
I was going to go home and lick my wounds, after all “who send me?” but eyewitnesses made sure I called the police for the racial and verbal abuse.
Next day, on Friday, the police was at my work to take a full statement. Jamie had been detained overnight and given a restraining order not to come near me. The police told me he had a history of drug abuse and violence and I was told to move houses for safety plus I was given an emergency number and an alarm in case.
I didn’t sleep for months and somehow I still can’t forgive myself for letting it happen.
30 Days 30 Voices series is an opportunity for young Nigerians from across the world to share their stories and experiences – creating a meeting point where our common humanity is explored.
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.