Federal allocations – and more, in today’s news round-up with Cheta Nwanze

by Cheta Nwanze


A leading candidate for the pie, Umana Okon Umana has promised to repeal “offensive portions” of the new governor’s pension Act which was signed last week. One wonders whether if, ever, he gets the job, he won’t suddenly find the Act not-as-offensive-as-it-appears-now. 

Our men-in-black are an interesting lot. Sometimes they take to their heels, sometimes they just could not care. Thus it was that this morning, in Lagos, Rita Onwurah witnessed the beginnings of the application of Willie Lynch’s laws on an unfortunate kidnap suspect. The sad part, some men-in-black rolled by. Leaving us to have our doubts about the level of training they received.

One of the doubts we have regarding the incidents that led up to the #BokoHaram brouhaha is the use, or misuse rather of government funds by assorted state suits. This has more or less been confirmed by our ichafo when she shot out a list of states that have refused to stop sucking at the federal tit, all of them it appears, although it must be pointed out that while Lagos generated at least N100 billions more than it sucked from Mummy FG, the defence by the Nasarawa babariga is that he used his security vote to pay 1,400 youths the grand total of N20k a month each.

Speaking of conflicts over money, and Akwa Ibom now knows who its current suit will not support to get into the Governor’s Lodge next year. A leading candidate for the pie, Umana Okon Umana has promised to repeal “offensive portions” of the new governor’s pension Act which was signed last week. One wonders whether if, ever, he gets the job, he won’t suddenly find the Act not-as-offensive-as-it-appears-now. His Mummy will almost certainly be there to tell him about his duty to family, right after making her own complimentary card…

Maybe, just maybe, if he navigates the stormy waters to governorship in Akwa Ibom, Umana will do better than the babariga in Nasarawa and take a look at security. Or is it the fila in Ogun who has left his men-in-black so ill-equipped that they took to their heels when a few men-o’-the-underworld shuffled into view at Arepo last week.

Bits and Bobs

The coming World Cup festivities are clearly going to be a security risk in parts of Nigeria. Following their failed attempt at practice in Jos just over a week ago, the #BokoHaram passed the exam yesterday in Mubi. 40 marks. God rest the dead.

It’s not only #BokoHaram that has a headache about achieving their objectives, Big Boss has one as well. After watching Papa Eagles huff and puff against a team that has not qualified for anything in two decades, that list should be easy to draw up.
Unless of course, Henry Chukwuma Okoroji’s boasts are not as childish as I’d like to think that they are.
Finally, as we count down to the World Cup, rest assured that, and very heart-breakingly, the chances of the Chibok babes are becoming dimmer. Today is day 50 since they were spirited away by mean men in the dead of night.

Right of Reply

Azubuike Emordi wrote,

Really don’t know this your friend Zainab and her links with the bitter Oby Ezekwesili, but one thing I know for sure is that in the name of bring back our girls, we should not over politicise obvious problems and distract government to use the efforts that would have been chanelled to bringing back the girls to quenching irrelevant fires.

We have a lot of distractors and detractors in the system and you don’t just cry wolf and people will come to rescue the wolf, they have seen the wolf and are chasing the wolf and you are still busy crying wolf.

Nigeria needs to move forward. These people should get a life and get busy giving the youths in their community good orientation and using their God given brians to be more productive and employ these our next generation ‘BOKOS’. Without fear of contradiction, at this rate we are going, next generation boko will make what we are seeing a toddlers play. Their rallies have succeeded in putting food on a few jobless guys plates and they will keep feeding like this and when their is no rally to attend, they form a group.

Weeping may endure in the night, but joy comes in the morning.

Chxta responds,

Let’s get them back first, then we can talk about if, there indeed, is an attempt to politicise the situation. Sadly, I have since lost faith in the government’s interest, or ability, to bring them back.

Hilary Adiki wrote,

You can only offer amnesty to a losing group of rebels as their consistent loss will make them accept and pack up their shit. Boko Haram is winning and for as long as they continue to win, the Presidents offer is bullcrap that they won’t even consider. Can our President stop slumbering and smell the crap please???

Chxta responds,

The Prez has since denied making such an offer.

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