I am a shameless liar – and more, in today’s news round-up with Cheta Nwanze

by Cheta Nwanze


…Rather than take on Madam Due-Process’s point in her now seminal speech from last week, he has only helped prove further that our government officials do not have any sense of argument.

Back in 2004, the Super Eagles as they were then, qualified second from Group D of the African Nations Cup and were due to face shock, horror, Cameroon in the quarter final of Tunisia ’04. Prior to the 8 February, 2004 encounter, a lot of Nigerian journos, knowing the worst would happen, checked out of their hotels and booked flights home, most of those tickets, scheduled for immediately after the encounter. However, on the day, after a particularly painful Samuel Eto’o celebration, the Eagles led by the magnificent Jay-Jay Okocha, clawed their way back into the game, and killed it off with aplomb when John Utaka buried a through ball which Nwankwo Kanu threaded to him with the kind of vision, the likes of which we have not seen from a Nigerian footballer since then.

The point of telling this tale is to congratulate Papa Eagles on qualifying for the quarter final of South Africa ’13, and then to advice all the Nigerian journos there to book their flights back home. On Sunday, 3 February 2013, we will be playing, shock, horror, the Ivory Coast. Unlike the Eagles of back in the day, Tony One-Week has not deemed it fit to make a song about this lot. One thing I found interesting was that current Eagles tracksuit, Stephen Keshi, was the commentator on that fateful day, nine years ago now, and he ran a commentary yesterday where he said, “It is going to be a different game against Ivory Coast. It is going to be a different mentality. We will up our game in the quarter-final.” My question to Big Boss, “Can a goat suddenly start barking?”

That is a question I would like to extend to Presidential Parrot, Doyin Okupe. You see, rather than take on Madam Due-Process’s point in her now seminal speech from last week, he has only helped prove further that our government officials do not have any sense of argument. He used two words rather liberally, “lied” and “shameless” in his re-joiner to her speech. Other words he used include “outlandish”, “reckless” and “stolen”. Again, people like Mr. Okupe keep missing the point. Those four words, in my rather shortsighted view, can be used to describe his statement on the same station some months ago, in describing the Benin-Lagos road. I think I should refer my mechanic to him next time I drive along that road. By the way, why did he have to keep shouting into the mic? Yet to leave his motor park days behind him?

Problem with Presidential Parrots in this country is that a lot of them take their “job” way too seriously, and end up doing more harm than good. I could bet that Mr. Okupe would want us to believe that the economy of this country is just a short way from nirvana. A statement that is already countered by the Association of Small and Medium Enterprises. That group’s head honcho told us yesterday that 65% of small businesses in this country die within three years of inception. A figure that should scare the bejeezuz out of anyone given that a truly prosperous economy is built on small businesses. As always, the reasons that Nerus Ekezie gave for such failures, include power, bad roads and insecurity. Stuff that Mr. Okupe has in the past, told us are getting better.

I wonder what he would tell the chaps at the police colleges. Despite the fact that our police colleges and military installations will not be fit to host the next edition of the All Nigeria Prison Games, our government is committing the grand total of $34+5 millions to the Malian war effort. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for the war in Mali tobe fought, and won, but I would also want us to clearly outline what Nigeria is going to gain out there. Honestly, the French are only there because the moment Gao fell to the rebels, their uranium supply from neighbouring Niger was threatened. Niger supplies the bulk of French uranium, which the French use for their nuclear plants. Nuclear power constitutes 78.8% of France’s electricity supply.

Speaking of power, despite the government telling us that all is well with Manitoba contract, someone way up there at the Canadian firm has told The Guardian that all is not well. Don Priestman, the company’s biggest blazer, said that 30 months to the end of the initial contract, the government was yet to issue the Canadian firm its schedule of delegated authority. Expect a Presidential Parrot to call Mr. Priestman a shameless liar in a few months…

Bits and bobs

NCAA afro hair, Harold Demuren’s, position is under threat. Some Senators have taken exception to seeing his mane on their televisions. While they are at it, they also want Dana Air’s license revoked. Tired of the plebs getting to fly to Abuja, eh?

Embarrassed by the fact that Yakubu Yusuf strolled away, the EFCC have picked him up again and slammed a charge concerning a vanished N300 millions on him. Expect his lawyer to knock this one out in two weeks.

The CD is screaming blue murder. Someone is drinking the flood money. Tune in to Channels TV this evening for Doyin Okupe’s next press conference.

Right of reply

Oby Ezekwesili said in response to Adebiyi Olusolape (from yesterday’s newsletter),

Two things:
1. I write my own speeches.
2. GDP #s are 2011 World Bank data which you can also easily find on Google.

Chxta responds,

Can anyone send this to Mr. Okukpe? He wanted to know where she got her figures from.

Sope Bolaji said,

Thank God you are a false prophet. Keep predicting doom for our Super Eagles you hear.

Chxta responds,

Buy your Vaseline before Sunday, Elephants will be having Eagles for lunch and it will be brutal.



Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

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