Last weekend might as well been the singles conference in my area. And with that comes a whole lot of stories and advice seeking friends on what to do next. After a few years, I’ve come to realize that we all as people will always have our own inner desires, and we all tend to gravitate toward it. A friend’s advice that contradicts what we’ve thought in our minds to do for days or weeks leaves an opening but never quenches what the heart feels. The older we get, we find ourselves writing more chapters in our relationship and lesson learned books. A singles conference will be a venting concert if there are no key lessons to move into new relationships with. And with that I offer the following:

Apologizing first

Most fights will always end with someone having to apologize first. And I’ve seen situations where no one will apologize until divorce lawyers got invoiced, and its too late to say “Honey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to take it this far”. Now, I tend to see this as silly because we work for months/years to make a relationship work but we let a few words get in the way. The sooner we become best friends with the phrase “I’m Sorry” the sooner relationships will grow past petty stages that escalates to unnecessary level. Then we often wonder how a friend or stranger came in to secure what we have built.

Expressing true feeling

It is often said that African girls knows how to hide their feeling. Well, I am sure some of us defy the norm, and can only wish more of us follow suit. Everyone at some point or the other has been or might be afraid of rejection, and the funny thing is that rejection is a part of life. It’s how we deal with it that matters. There is nothing wrong with showing your true feelings because you never know where it could have or will lead you. I was in Nigeria twice this year and after visiting a few spots, I realized the pool is filled with all kinds of fish, most of them by face value are out for the kill. Seems like the adage “the most patient dog eats the fattest bone” is no longer relevant in 2010 and beyond. We need not sit on the side line and watch someone take away what we desire to be ours.

The “Why” and “You” disease

Well, I for one, I must confess before I go further with this, that I’m guilty. Its hard to bring two people together into an unknown space and expect them to immediately function and live in harmony without fighting. If there is no argument, I’m sorry I must say someone in the relationship is sacrificing a lot. It is healthy to express dislikes or disappointments in situations but how we say it matters more than what we say. If I scream out “I’M SORRY”, it has a different effect to “I’m sorry…honey”. A lot of times during heated conversations, we tend to go for the word that will provoke a reaction. “why did you…” and “You are always…” bring about a defense. It seems to never offer an end to arguments but only extends the fights. Try avoiding them. Learning to hold the hurtful words for that one second can save a relationship.

Wisdom of the week: When we make up our minds to treat everyone how we would like to be treated, it transcends in ways that words cannot express!

Oluwapelumi