by James Amuta
Better a Sl*t than a C**k Tease…
This is a derisive sexual slang used to describe a person who is perceived to act in a sexual manner to seduce someone possessing male genitalia, without actually fulfilling the expected sexual actions. The term has been in use in Great Britain and the United States since the 1800s… [The term is relevant to the cultural attitudes towards sexual harassment and date rape] – Dictionary.com
If objectifying a woman is tantamount to sexual harassment, then c**k-teasing a guy should be criminalized as sexual torture. But then, one would ask: what constitutes a c**k tease? How far would it go to be categorized as sexual torture? This may sound funny, but by no means should the implications be taken lightly. I write this, because I’ve heard for the umpteenth time, women narrating their experience, whilst expressing their shock and outrage at the fact that a guy they’d shared the same bed with tried to sleep with them. You can imagine the absurd irony, and the implied paradoxical mischief.
However, the context of the relationship between the man and the woman should be taken into consideration, before hasty conclusions are drawn to either indict or sympathize with either party – we have to first of all establish if the woman making the claim was actually the instigator/perpetrator of the “mishap” or the victim thereof. How do we do that? We examine the relationship:
A) Has the guy ever made sexual advances at her in the past?
B) Has he ever explicitly or implicitly expressed his emotional, physical, or sexual desires towards the lady?
C) Were ground rules established before the “encounter”?
D) Was the “sleep over” planned by both parties?
E) Did it happen by accident?
F) Did the lady have any other choice but to sleep on the guy’s bed?
G) Did she knowingly reveal her nakedness; explicitly or implicitly attempt to seduce the man by making sexualgestures or sending mixed signals?
Women should understand that it’s wrong – viciously wrong to spend the night (naked or half-naked; in lingerie, and without padlocks on your panties) in the same room and on the same bed with a guy you’ve convinced yourself that you’re not sexually, physically, or emotionally attracted to. Because when you do, you not only literally bruise his manhood, but you fracture his ego, and make him question his masculinity – and when a man’s masculinity is openly mocked, he usually throws caution and objective reasoning to the winds.
It’s a different ball game when a guy attempts to force himself on you, and it’s entirely different when you invite, cultivate, and create the enabling environment for the application of that “force”. Most guys believe that only a gay guy is capable of sleeping on the same bed with a naked attractive woman, and not feel the slightest urge in his loins. And they’re right. With a few exceptions, though. Certain deep friendships qualify for this exception, and only such friendships qualify.
At the risk of sounding like a guy from the Stone Age, or a guy who is worthy of being stoned, I’d like to reiterate that no matter how cosmopolitan, enlightened, or exposed a man is, his sexual urges and desires are not half as domesticated – his loins aren’t as evolved as he may be. So, to expect any other sort of conduct from a man thrust into this scenario is like expecting a domesticated lion to eat vegetables. Tame a lion all you want, you can’t turn him into an herbivore. And it would be more foolhardy to assume that because Bingo did not bite you when you squeezed his tail, that the next dog you encounter on the street will afford you the same courtesy.
Please, don’t bring up the argument of “that’s a lie, I have guy friends I’ve spent the night with, and they didn’t try to get fresh” – well, first of all, ask yourself if you were naked, then ask yourself how close you guys are, and ask yourself if you ever thought of asking the guy if he had any sleep during the night when you were just a breath away from him in your birthday suit. The fact that he didn’t do anything does not mean he didn’t long to. The fact that you slept next to him does not mean he had any sleep at all. And in my dictionary, that’s torture. And to make matters worse – why would a woman now take offense and feel insulted, hurt, or disappointed when the guy attempts to get fresh?
A lady once told me she spent two weeks with a guy friend who was uncomfortable to watch her applying lotion on her naked skin after a shower, and the first question I asked was: are you sleeping with him? And she scoffed a response, “hell no, he’s just my friend – I can’t have sex with him, I just tease him sometimes when he averts his eyes from my naked body, or tries to leave the room whenever I’m getting dressed – you know I just feel more alive when I know his eyes are running all over my body –it gives me some guilty pleasure to know that the sight of my naked body can still give a man an incredible boner – it makes me feel desired”.
Now, just imagine that!
In Nigeria, we have a saying that goes, “trouble dey sleep…yanga come wake am”. Transliteration: don’t wake a sleeping d**k, if you don’t feel like playing with it.
[James Amuta is the author of Enigma: Beyond the Poet; a maverick publicist with expertise in television/film content and corporate publicity. He’s also a filmmaker with a few documentaries and TV commercials to his credit. Find more of his notes on www.facebook.com/jamesamuta or follow him on Twitter:www.twitter.com/jamesamuta]