by Lara Kudayisi-Emeralds
I have written so much about the ills and dangers of love and I realized that I have not written about the beautiful sides of it. I just want someone to know that Love is a beautiful thing, true love exists and I am a testimony to this fact. Like we have established earlier, love is not some woozy feeling you get when you see your spouse or after sex, it’s that thing you see in your relationship that you can almost touch; just like the air we breathe, so real.
That feeling you get and you don’t need to pop the question ‘Do you love me?’ because you can see the proof and evidence of that love.
Let me explain better, I got married to someone who knew all the details of my sordid past; in fact, he even knew my calling was to share and publicize this past to help people. As though not enough, he knew I have and cater for an eleven year old daughter and yet, he keeps telling me how I am such a gift to him.
His desire is always to help me get better in my purpose, and as a human being. He gave up a lot just to be with me, because let’s be frank: loving me is not an easy thing to do. If this is not love, then you tell me what it is. If you have been following my post, you will notice that I have failed at so many attempts to love and I have given up hope so many times until my true love found me. Please do not give up on love because it is real and it exists.
This post is to help someone identify how to know that they have found true love.
1) Sacrifice: You cannot love without sacrifice. Sacrifice means giving up my want or desires for you or yours. Someone who loves you will sacrifice a lot for you and to be with you. This person will give their time, money and heart just because they genuinely love you and don’t expect anything in return. When there are conditions to what is being given, then it’s no longer a sacrifice.
2) Supports your passion/vision/purpose: These persons support your drive and passion or assignment. They don’t want you to change what gives you fulfillment just for them; they even support you and always think and tell you how to help you get better in whatever you do. They are always willing to give you some form of assistance and help from time to time whenever necessary.
3) Attention: This is when your spouse gives you attention no matter how busy they are. I know how work can get so demanding and challenging but he/she still finds time to give you a level of high degree attention. You are usually uppermost in this person’s mind and sometimes when work gets really tough, being a recipient/giver of love calms your nerves, provides energy and makes work easier.
4) Forgiveness: True love forgives and doesn’t throw back your mistakes in your face. When a person loves you; he/she forgives whatever you do no matter how big it is. I know there are some grave offences but then genuine love forgives completely.
5) Care: True and real love cares completely for you. This is when your spouse shows you a 100% care, always wanting you to be comfortable and okay. If you are ill or uncomfortable, the person’s life becomes miserable. All they think about and want for you is great comfort and peace of mind.
6) Humility: Your true love is humble when he/she is with you, no matter what he/she has achieved or attained in his career or business. I know some people who get puffed up to their spouse when they have more money or a higher position. But true love drops all the attainments and achievements when they are with you; your spouse is quick to credit his/her achievements and new levels to your contributions and support. They get so vulnerable and humble in your presence.
7) Sticks with you: True Love sticks with you in times of good and bad. When you have or not. When you are high or low. True Love doesn’t love you based on whatever is happening to you but based on who you are inside of you.
8) Gives: You can give without loving but you can’t love without giving. Anyone who loves you will give to you. Whether money, time, materials or any other thing. True Love can’t be complete without giving. Actually love should be about giving and not taking. When two people focus on giving only to each other, life would become a better place.
I know the picture I painted above could look unrealistic to someone basically because your relationship or marriage doesn’t look like this, I can tell you that it can get better. It takes only one person to make the first move towards a better relationship. When one person changes, it can affect the other person in a positive way. God never created marriage or relationship to be endured or in pain; but our selfishness as human beings make it that way.
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Lara Kudayisi-Emeralds is a seasoned Relationship Strategist who believes that life is about relationships, the rest is details. She is very passionate about the healthy relationships of young people and particularly, the unmarried. As a victim of several heart-rending heartbreaks and neglect, with a child to show for it at an early age, she avidly believes that as a single man or woman, you don’t have to go through hurting relationships and awful treatments in search of true love.
At various speaking engagements and articles published daily on her blog www.shatteredglassng.com as well as other prints, she discusses her experiences in her search for true love as learning grounds for others who seek true love and happiness in their relationships, thereby teaching young men and women various steps and strategies to take or not to in their search. The results she hopes are young men and women who are happy being in growing relationships that lead to marriage and likewise staying happy and fulfilled in their marriages.
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.
