by Mabel Frank

Alpha Males are always at the top of their game thus clever and cunning e.g Rambo, James Bond.

When you think evolution of man, your first thought is probably the snooze inducing theory of man’s evolution from homo something to Homo sapiens to just plain homo (Totally kidding). Anyways, my thesis focuses on the ultra-remarkable transformation of man as in human male from Tarzan to Prince Charming to Alpha male and to um… what-we-have-today. Let us begin.

Tarzan, the handsome brute, unbelievably selfish, utterly mannerless and yet somehow very sexy. This breed is not generally known for their smarts. Studies however reveal that they more than made up for this deficiency with sheer strength and vigor. Undoubtedly a man of few words (I Tarzan, you Jane), the Tarzans were a territorial breed and excellent providers for their families. The Janes (female breed) of this era offer very little insight as to the condition of their relationship. Were they happy? One can only speculate.

Studies indicate that it took several millennia for the next evolution in man to occur and understandably so. Prince Charming, a rare and elusive breed. So distinct in character that they were eulogized in books and fables and are still portrayed till date as the ideal mate. Eloquent, well versed in fashion and manners and if the movies are to be believed, they all had British accents. Prince Charming(s) are attracted to distressed princesses and women who can blush and faint on cue. Their relationships ended “happily ever after”. Evidence to prove or contradict this is non-existent so once again, one can only speculate.

On to the Alpha Male, a perfect blend of Tarzan and Prince Charming (here on referred to as PC). This breed possessed all the tact of PC but none of that effete as well as the strength and vigor of Tarzan but none of their famous churlishness. Alpha Males are always at the top of their game thus clever and cunning e.g Rambo, James Bond. They are innocuously attracted to strong and confident women. I have uncovered several clues that provide solid theories on the state of their relationship. However, for safety reasons let’s just speculate.

Finally, the what-we-have-today breed. These guys exhibit traits from all previously discussed breed and then some. They put on make-up, get manicures, speak in strange accents and sing along to Madonna’s “Like a Virgin”. They spit, they fart, they burp, they snore and somehow they still look sexy. They wear thongs, sag their pants and despite several introductions to your father, they still ask you, “Who’s your Daddy?. They’re never really who they appear to be. A girl could nab a Prince, take him home and kiss him only for her prince to turn into a frog or worse, a she!!! This breed is fatally attracted to “the one” which could be anyone. As for the state of their relationship, I think we all know the answer to that.

– Please note that the “Studies” were culminated from years of reading over 5dozen story books, 2self help manuals, various women’s magazine and watching countless re-runs of episodes of sex and the city.

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