Of Mars & Venus: No Tender Love (Vol. 2)

by  HD

Last week I discussed Titi’s side of the story. Well, Akorede, her husband, also had something to say about the whole thing. Here it is:

People do not really understand what happened at all. He did not kill his wife; she killed herself after wounding him with the same knife. And about him beating her…it never happened! Yes, they had their problems, as all marriages do. They had even considered divorce and decided against it, but he did not beat her. In fact, the truth which no one knew was that Akorede never wanted to marry Titi.

They had dated for a while, and Titi was a very nice girl, but he just was not interested in marrying her. Things would have continued that way, except that one day Titi told him she was pregnant. That was where trouble started. He battled with the decision within himself and his family, finally succumbing to the pressure, and marrying Titi because he had gotten her pregnant.

It is completely normal to expect some pressure in relationships, but the problem begins when the pressure is to actually be in the relationship.  People face pressure from their peers and friends – to date the someone; from their partners – to stay in the relationship because “we have known each other and our families for so long”; from their families – because the parents say “this is the person I want you to marry!”

Sometimes, the pressure is even internal. The person stays in the relationship because they feel guilty about something or pity for their partner. These feelings can make you hold on to something which is wrong for you; and that is an extremely dangerous sort of pressure, as sometimes it’s toxicity could go unrecognized.

Truth is, unless you are in a relationship because you want to be in it, that relationship is going to fail. This could come either by the end of the relationship or by continuing in a relationship which brings you no happiness. You cannot stay in a relationship because your partner, family, friends or society expect you to be in that relationship. There will be no satisfaction or fulfillment in such a relationship and it is better to leave.

In the case of Akorede and Titi, the failure of the marriage was so spectacular as to make us think twice about what was actually going on between them.

MONEY: I am of the opinion that a man should be the breadwinner of the house, even if his wife is working. I believe the ego of a man should not be messed with and that instinct to “hunt to feed the home” must be allowed to rule. A woman who runs the home, publicly earns more and does things the man cannot do because of current finances are too much for the male ego to take. This is not the rule, but I am being as general as possible.

Whatever the man has, the wife should accept and use that as the general standard for the home, pitching in hers as “help”. Ultimately though, each couple will have to decide what works best for both of them.

WIFE BATTERY: Again and again, there is no excuse for a man to beat any woman, let alone his own wife. And for us friends and society who encourage a woman who suffers husband battery to return to him, we are as guilty as him for making her a victim and enabling him to have a punch bag he can exercise on at will. Let us speak up, speak out against wife battery and discourage it in our society.

The PRESSURE: Will come to everyone at one point or the other. Do you want a fulfilling and satisfying relationship that you are happy with because it is what you chose? Don’t give in to the pressure. Yes, it is easier said than done, but ultimately, we will be responsible for whatever choices we make, and it will not be enough to say “but I did not really want to”.

So if you see these things in your relationship, take a step back, think twice and be sure you are where you ought to be. These are red flags that signal a possible problem in the relationship.

Know the saying “a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage?” Well, add to that “a broken relationship is better than one person dead and one in jail as a murder suspect”.

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