by Nick Notas
I smiled when I saw this email from a friend working abroad…
“I took your advice to heart and started doing a whole bunch of random stuff on a whim: wine tasting trip to Mendoza, gourmet cooking classes, tango, Portuguese lessons, and powerlifting. It’s really added a whole new dimension to my life, I’ve met some awesome people in the process (plus a lot of cute Argentine and Brazilian girls!) and I feel I’m in my most creative state ever.”
He came to me frustrated with his current lifestyle. He explained that he worked all the time and made a decent living, but for what? He was bored with his after-work activities, lacked the social circle he desired, and wasn’t meeting enough women.
I asked him, “Why not write a list of stuff you’ve always wanted to try? Or places you’ve wanted to see? Or incredible experiences you’ve dreamed of having? Then start doing them one by one.”
To my surprise he replied, “That’s a great idea, I’m doing it.”
For single men, this is the most effective way to meet women. As you broaden your social circle and spectrum of activities, you’ll have no shortage of girls to connect with.
You can find women everywhere, not just at the bar. Why not have some fun and meet women as a side effect? Try…
- Salsa dancing, or any kind of other dance class. There’s always a high female-to-male ratio and you’ll learn how to bust a move.
- Board game or trivia nights.
- Rock climbing.
- Cooking, painting, or creative writing classes. They’re very hands-on and you often get paired up, allowing you to break the ice with ease.
- Running, hiking, biking, or other athletic groups. In most cities there are social sports clubs you can join. If you’re in Boston, check out Social Boston Sports.
- Improv groups and acting classes. You’ll practice how to riff with new people, speak clearly, and internalize confident body language.
- Concerts and music festivals. I’ve met a lot of great girls at rock and metal concerts over the years. One of my best friends hit it off with a girl at Burning Man and they spent the whole week together.
- Language lessons.
- Special museum nights. At the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston they have a monthly social event called First Fridays. You listen to music, drink alcohol, and look at fine art with other people. At the Boston Children’s Museum they even have adult beer nights.
- Anime, comic, food, and drink conventions. The craft beer festival this year had delicious brews and gorgeous women everywhere. Plus, everyone’s in a good mood.
- Community service, volunteering, and church groups.
If you need additional ideas, check out Meetup.com or Google “[city] event calendar”.
By doing things that make YOU happy (like the above or your own) you will…
- Build a network of friends and connections. Starting conversations with new people leads to amazing things.
- Have an easier time approaching. Girls at social events are usually more polite and friendly than at the bar.
- Use commonalities to fuel conversation. When you’re both interested in the same thing, talking comes naturally.
- Stay motivated. If you’re enjoying yourself, you’ll be passionate and energized. While I like the bar, many guys don’t. They become frustrated, miserable, and give up going out to socialize.
- Learn useful skills and craft memorable experiences. A capable and cultured man always has a good story to tell.
- Develop outcome independence. Your focus will shift from being “on the prowl” to just having an awesome time. That non-needy mentality radiates to women and subsequently attracts them more.
I guarantee this plan of action will help you out of a rut and into a more fulfilling lifestyle.
So instead of dwelling on “I need to meet more women” consider, “I need to create a social life that I love.” Once you take charge of your free time, you’ll have an abundance of romantic opportunities.
My name’s Nick Notas and I’m a dating coach who focuses on honesty and respect. I teach men how to be gentlemen and still get the girl. No tricks, no games, just genuine, lasting confidence. Please ask me anything! Start Here: Free Consultation | Dating 101
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.