Thought Couture: 5 reasons why marriages should be redundant in the 21st century

by Joy Isi Bewaji

I personally think marriages have outlived their purpose

Marriages seem a morose mission these days. Put your ears to the wall and you’ll get a trailer-load of gist about couples who wear the sweetest smiles in public but exchange hard blows behind closed doors – tears and blood are inscribed on their marriage certificates. But that is none of our business, as long as they remain in the marriage to prove to the rest of us that life is good then the joke is on us.

There doesn’t seem to be any audience for anything else except find-a-partner-and-live-in-the-will-of-God. But this is the 21st century, and things are a little complicated than it was when Adam said to Eve, “damn shorty! I need to bone you.” Well, not in those exacts words, of course; but you get my drift.

I personally think marriages have outlived their purpose, and I’ll tell you why…

  1. This place is over-crowded!

In October last year, the world hit seven billion, and still counting. Think about it for a second: there are over seven billion people on the earth you live in!!! I can feel the earth cracking beneath me! When God said, “multiply!” I think, if nothing at all, humans have thoroughly impressed God with that. So God’s intention of procreation has been well taken care of. With seven billion people, seven billion problems, seven billion sins per second, it is a world that needs to stop bringing people to the world and start to worry about those who cannot get enough food to eat in a pot with seven billion spoons in it. If you think of Oshodi, and all the struggle and scuffle that go on there on a busy after-work evening then you get the idea how the world is coping with over-population. We don’t need more people; and it isn’t cute when we throw the “multiply!” card on the table anymore.

  1. The Law has been perverted

The prior arrangement when marriage was conceived was for the man to love his wife, care for her, provide, be the breadwinner. In other words, be THE man! Things are a bit different now. You see, men are busy trying to keep up with a certain fancy standard; and studies have shown all across the world that women put in more hours at work as they struggle to meet the basic needs of their family, which includes putting in over 80 hours a week to provide food, warmth, sex for a husband who is probably jobless, lazy, or indifferent to the situation in his home. Now, how any woman would still find marriage a necessary part of life under these absurd situations, beats me!

  1. Hot women everywhere!

At first there was Sarah and a couple of maidens; then there was Rebecca and a handful of women scattered around the earth. It was easy for man to carry on with life without a hard-on. These days, for every step you take there’s a skimpily-dressed-thick-honey with a phony accent, purple contact lens, Brazilian weave 20-inches long, and a booty that can make you lose your mind for hours! Kanye West says it neatly, “how do you stay faithful in a room full of hos?” God says, “one man, one wife.” So when you declare that you’d be faithful to her “till death do you part” and then you skip to Uni-whatever for ‘window shopping’, does it not make this whole marriage thing a charade?

  1. Me, myself, and all my millions!

Not that you have any millions, really. It’s just that you are fixated with the possibility of making it big someday – get a visa, find a white old hag and hopefully end up rich and famous flipping burgers downtown. There are too many posh cars in town, too many fly houses, many expensive parties, Bigz Boys and Girls Associations that it is criminal for you to remain broke in the 21st century. But you still you are broke, and it’s no one’s fault. You are a fancy dude, so you can’t take a regular job. You basically stay obsessed with your own life and (under) achievements and would do anything to hook-up with a woman who is ready to take all of your dreams built in the air. The 21st century is too intimidating, and our priorities have changed. If you are going to be with someone, s/he has to add real value to your life. If he can’t take you to Dubai, buy you an SUV, open an upscale shop for you…if he can’t afford your N350,000 Brazilian wig, then he better move to the left! And if she isn’t going to submit herself and her salary to you so you can plan how it must be spent, then bounce! There are many women who are waiting on the queue. Let’s not kid ourselves, love is usually the last thing on the table when we say, “I do.”

  1. When are you getting married?

That question is the curse of our generation! A lady gets a good education, a good job, acquires amazing skills, she’s full of life, building her happiness gradually…then the wolves show up: “What are you trying to prove by demanding a promotion at work? No man will marry you if you move too high and fast up the corporate ladder oh!” “When is this one going to get married? Is it by winning awards? All her mates are settled.”

Like cheap jewellery that is discarded after losing its glint, marriage is a dime a dozen these days. And like cheap stuff, it is easily abandoned – whether it is thrown out the window or still left in the jewellery box, it is hardly of any use anymore.

Joy Bewaji, I laugh, I write, I love. There are few things DEEPER than the mind of a curious woman. Follow me on Twitter @joybewaji

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Comments (7)

  1. Oh Joy. crazy, fun, and soooo silly. Love this. It's a fun piece laced with plenty truth. Number 5 is just on point. i stopped listening to people's "when will u marry" rant long time ago. i live my life on my terms

  2. We should be careful the things we say! Will you stay locked up in your room for the rest of your life because there is the possibility of an accident if you go out?

  3. Joy took it from a cheeky fun side jor! All these women commenting and pulling their hair out. Obviously u fall under d type she's referring to. Relax. It's just light humour.

  4. This is like the coolest article i have read in recent times. These are revolutionary ideas. Can i publish same on my blog?

  5. Mnena, I think u missed it. Joy was being cheeky. Lol!

  6. Awwww poor u! Men must have shown u sege! Anyways like all things which have good n bad sides. There re good marriages and bad ones and like a popular ibo adage goes"Shall we shy away from war cos we re afraid of dying"? No darling, God ordained the institution of marriage himself. All we need 2 do is get our values right and depend on him. Remember ladies, A 350 grand brazzilian hair doesn't mean ur more beautiful. I love my husband and our marriage gets sweeter wiv each passing day!

  7. I feel you had a chance to really make a statement on this topic but you missed it. Or am I taking this too serious 🙂

cool good eh love2 cute confused notgood numb disgusting fail