by Mark Anthony Osuchukwu
“They say, “Those that live in glass houses should not walk around naked”. I say, “she who suffers breast cancer forgets the word ‘cleavage’”
Over the years, I’ve grown to understand that minding your business is a business that can’t flourish in the human race. The ability to do ‘eyes right’ eludes almost all of us in a way that beats me. If minding your business was a criterion for growing tall, I’m dead sure we’ll all be dwarfs except maybe the blind people who are also blind at heart.
That is why I will pretend to understand Joy and her vow never to mind her business. I cannot pretend for a long time so expect my outrage.
Nathaniel Bassey came up with an inspiration to start an online worship challenge weeks ago and to my greatest surprise, people turned up for this Holy Ghost groove. The internet was littered with hashtags #Olowogbogboro, #Suddenly, #JustLikeThat, and still is. People shared on their page, people took to WhatsApp to broadcast one good news on WhatsApp and for once, it wasn’t the usual ‘forward to 100 people or die’.
I was particularly elated that people could sacrifice their sleep not for sex, sexting or some TV program but for an online worship service. My jaw drops every time I think of this: despite the madness of our network providers and the recent hike in data bundles, we closed our eyes to our draining data, fixing our eyes on Jesus who will drain our problems away.
I must say; Joy almost disappointed me by not speaking up on time. The bashing actually came late. She is that horny cock that always wandered around my house haunting hens and jumping on them humping as though he knew what he was doing.
That is Joy.
Joy wrote the rant and as usual Nigerians who are so irresponsible in every sense of it began to hawk the post from platform to platform convincing people like Ponzi scheme peddlers. I read it and smiled.
I had actually missed her wonderful style of writing. I would later see on her wall that CNN, the hub of lies, used some lines in her parable of lies in the post on the hallelujah challenge.
That gesture must have tickled the clitoris of her ego. I am not sure if she came because I am also not sure if sad people who are whispers away from menopause cum. If she did cum, that’s good. If she didn’t, better. Joy headlines the school of thought that preaches tolerance.
Whatever happened to leaving us alone to ‘fool’ ourselves online with our own phones and data? Nobody came to your door to knock this time. Nathaniel Bassey didn’t ask you for offering or money to buy a private Jet (Dude can feed you anyways…).
Joy goes online ranting like a horny parrot while throwing tantrums with her short arms that would pass for Paralympics.
She asks: “has Nigerian spirituality affected Nigeria as a country in politics, education, economy, health care, vision..?”
Madam Joy, why didn’t you add internet, feminism and Buhari? Spirituality might as well be held responsible for the bad network of GLO or for the ill luck of a runs girl who went missing.
I wonder what is it Joy was high on. What does spirituality have to do with politics, bikonu? Even Economy. My friend who can smoke anything -even mosquito blood- cannot reason this way. But, Madam Joy reasons anyhow and churns out aftermaths of her highness and serve it to future leaders of Nigeria who take it without processing.
Joy said the Hallelujah Challenge will change nothing in Nigeria. Nathaniel Bassey isn’t an APC member. He never said he wished to change Nigeria. He is waiting for you and your learnedness to change Nigeria with your online Jackie-chan lifestyle.
Nathaniel wants to CHANGE the face of worship among Internet-using Nigerians. He wants to draw us closer to that which the world has been chasing us from. He wants to show the devil that the phone we use in sexting and watching porn can also be used to serve God.
Guess what? He is achieving this thing easily. Every day the number keeps increasing. You said we should try the Science challenge and mental challenge.
You, on your part, has said we should try the #ScienceChallenge and mental challenge.
We are waiting for scientists like you and mental people like you to kick it off so people who didn’t do Chemistry and Biology well in school can join you.
Oh, madam Joy said that we are vulnerable as religious people. Lol. Somebody is running away from vulnerability. Shifting it to us won’t work.
We know that you model vulnerability.
You catwalk on the run way of uncertainty with your frail legs tucked into your over-sized stiletto with a gait of a first time sleep-walker. Next time, try another line.
We, the entire Hallelujah Challenge people and Church people in Nigeria do not care about your vulnerability. Why our own dey pepper you for body? Leave us. We are vulnerable because we don’t want to join the intellectual gang?
Nowhere in the bible did anybody smell the Kingdom because of plenty brain and science challenge.
Those things have their place. They do.
Religion has its own place too. They are different hustles geared at different results. Blinding your eyes to this truth is not only shocking. It is stupefying because an ‘intellectual’ shouldn’t draw parallel lines against religion, politics and development.
So much for political correctness.
Last night’s worship was mind-blowing. I couldn’t complete. My emotions had contorted. I cried from a place of deep sincerity and humility to the God of Moses and Elijah. After that, I kept hurting each time I got a new notification that another dimwitted frustrated Nigerian liked that post of yours.
I said that I must respond to your push with a light shove.
Be warned, madam Joy.
Leave the way people decide to serve God alone. It’s not your service.
They say, “Those that live in glass houses should not walk around naked”. I say, “she who suffers breast cancer forgets the word ‘cleavage’”
What works for others may never work for you because you lack the ability.
Op–ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija
Mark Anthony Osuchukwu is a writer who does not respect himself. He says things the way he feels. When he feels otherwise, he apologizes if you like. He could be reached on Facebook with his name or his mail @ [email protected]