Every day on the Nigerian internet, there are people who keep our eyes glued to our phone screens as we read their rants, opinions, perspectives on political and social matters, etc. Sometimes, they are just downright ridiculous. We make it our job to take down the names of these noisemakers.

Here’s our list from today:

1. Jaybee

Th best wife among you is the one that never complain,even when she received a hard slap by her husband for no identifiable reason. God, wife with this level of endurance..

— Baye' (@jaybee_am) April 3, 2018

God,distance us from those,who speak back or retaliate slaps before taking your fingers off their cheeks..

— Baye' (@jaybee_am) April 3, 2018

Shebi you people can see what someone is saying?

Receive slap for no identifiable reason and does not complain?

2. Sire Habbibb

You are responsible for your personal economy not your government. Understand that!

— Lateef Habib (@SireHabbiibb) April 3, 2018

No oo! It is the government that is responsible oo (in Nigerian terms).

For instance, is it not the government that is responsible for marriage problems?

3. Uncle Raju

American singer “The Weeknd” will be suing Nigerian singer “wizkid” and any other artistes that tries to Trademark “Starboy”.

????????

It seems someone is looking for a way to loose a continent of fan base.

— Giant Human Sized Asshole (@Showzbaba) April 3, 2018

I tell you. A whole continent indeed.

The love for Wizkid is massive! His fans might do anything to support him.

4. Dipo Awojide

“No one has two heads”.

If other people can do it, then, you can, if you believe & work hard+smart.

— Dr. Dipo Awojide (@OgbeniDipo) April 3, 2018

Dipo has said: “Work hard and smart” and I add: “Legally please“.

5. Festus Keyamo

Let’s remember that during d first 4 years of Obasanjo (1999-2003) he kept blaming d ‘rot’ the military left behind as d reason for his abysmal performance & begged Nigerians to be patient with him. To d extent that he reportedly knelt down 4 Atiku then to get his 2nd-term ticket

— Festus Keyamo, SAN (@fkeyamo) April 3, 2018

Before that though:

With this ?below, it is only Nigerians who don’t remember history that would pay attention to Obasanjo’s antics. For the records, d 2007 elections over which he presided was adjudged one of the worst the world has ever seen, prompting President Yar’Adua to apologise to Nigerians pic.twitter.com/tHFytBOoz3

— Festus Keyamo, SAN (@fkeyamo) April 2, 2018

Since 1960, a few pple have always determined who would govern all of us. They’re the ones now writing letters & inciting the people. 2019 would be a defining moment as d pple of this country will truly determine their own fate & put these self-conceited leaders to ultimate shame

— Festus Keyamo, SAN (@fkeyamo) April 2, 2018

6. Faithfulness

You think you know all the colors until Nigerians start sending you wedding invites….
From Acid Green to Fuschia Purple to Urine Yellow to Ojuelegba Blue ???? you go just confuse.

— Faithfuℓneѕѕ? (@smartfulnex) April 3, 2018

How they get the adjectives in front of the colours baffles somebody.

7. Shehu Sani

Fraternities exists in Business and in politics;in business it’s called cartel,in politics it’s called caucus.

— Senator Shehu Sani (@ShehuSani) April 3, 2018

Fraternities rule every government in the world.

In Nigeria, the ‘cabal’ rules – unfortunately.

8. Mr Coco

I really do not understand why you ‘people’ won’t leave Ibadan people alone.

Fine girls in Ibadan are the Lagos fine girls that are schooling in Ibadan. ????? https://t.co/jSlCZMf8EU

— IG: MrCocofficial_ (@MrCocoOfficial) April 3, 2018

So you are saying that there are no fine girls in Ibadan ehn? You mean they all look like witc… (ask me later).

The antecedent:

Lowkey. Fine girls full Ibadan pass Lagos.
Babes in Lagos are just the better ones at make up.

— Abimbola O’larry Turner (@Clan_Clueless) March 31, 2018

9. Kate Henshaw

What about children, men and women who live there??
What is being done about the soot in River's State??
My brother says, you wipe your face with a white hanky and it turns black instantly!!!

— Kate Henshaw (@HenshawKate) April 3, 2018

Sigh! Just like the smoke in and around Olusosun near Ojota, Lagos.