Today’s Noisemakers: Yahya Jammeh, James Ibori, whistleblowers and others

1. Yahya Jammeh Oga Jammeh wants to give elder statesman Mugabe a run for his money. Stating he will not be intimidated and he will not climb down from that seat. https://youtube.com/watch?v=O2wGOUaATDs He is not going to 'step down'. I hope he knows nobody needs his consent to bundle him off? https://t.co/AyZPUlP9oY — Zarah bint... Read More

Opinion: Warning! Tekno is in danger of messing up his career

Should Buhari have travelled while Nigeria is in chaos?

1. Yahya Jammeh

Oga Jammeh wants to give elder statesman Mugabe a run for his money. Stating he will not be intimidated and he will not climb down from that seat.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=O2wGOUaATDs

He is not going to 'step down'. I hope he knows nobody needs his consent to bundle him off? https://t.co/AyZPUlP9oY

— Zarah bint Jibrin (@BintJibrin) December 21, 2016

Is this going to be the next course of action? We’ll be watching.

2. Dear anonymous ATM time waster

It can be incredibly frustrating when the person ahead of you in an ATM queue is doing everything but withdrawing the money he came there for. Here’s an outburst that followed such an experience.

One guy wasting time at the ATM. Man behind him shouts "Press it noww, how much fit dey there with this trouser you dey wear"

😭😭

— FK. (@fkabudu) December 21, 2016

Epic

3. Adam Saleh

Adam has been raising hell on Twitter because he was kicked off a Delta airline flight for speaking Arabic. There’s a bit of controversy regarding the situation, because sometime in the past, Adam claimed he squeezed into a tiny suitcase and illegally flew in the baggage hold from Melbourne to Sydney. It turned out to be false.

We got kicked out of a @Delta airplane because I spoke Arabic to my mom on the phone and with my friend slim… WTFFFFFFFF please spread pic.twitter.com/P5dQCE0qos

— Adam Saleh (@omgAdamSaleh) December 21, 2016

We are still stuck at the airport and Delta has not given us any info. They keep telling us to wait. Please spread the word #BoycottDelta

— Adam Saleh (@omgAdamSaleh) December 21, 2016

3. Artisans are the absolute worst. Promise and fail is their code of conduct. So we sympathise with @Tundealuko who paid for goods he is yet to receive. And this, after the salesman used Twitter to get business.

https://twitter.com/tundealuko/status/811535000466096129

https://twitter.com/tundealuko/status/811535957572911105

https://twitter.com/tundealuko/status/811537983665033217

https://twitter.com/tundealuko/status/811540924820029440

https://twitter.com/tundealuko/status/811541497493463040

https://twitter.com/tundealuko/status/811543697535991808

4. Japheth Omojuwa is having fun with these mischievous polls

What would you do if you found out your brother, son or close friend is Homo Sapiens?

— JJ. Omojuwa (@Omojuwa) December 21, 2016

If you discovered you had an active oesophagus, what would you do?

— JJ. Omojuwa (@Omojuwa) December 21, 2016

5. Mark Zuckerberg pulls a Tony Stark

We said here that artificial intelligence (AI, in case someone asks) is the future. Mark Zuckerberg shows us how, with Jarvis -of the marvel comics production – created by the famed genius, Tony Starck. Watch and learn.
Mark could use a ~~few~~ many more acting classes, but he’s a billionaire so there.

Facebook's Founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg introduces Jarvis, Jarvis is an AI Artificial Intelligence assistant in your home pic.twitter.com/QhST7OqeIt

— AJ Joshi (@AJ) December 21, 2016

…and this was Priscilla's take on the whole Jarvis thing, Zuck's new toy. pic.twitter.com/TRV571dM2b

— AJ Joshi (@AJ) December 21, 2016

6. Victor Asemota

This side of the Niger, Victor Asemota wants to know whose voice you’d like for your AI. Zuckerberg’s AI is Morgan Freeman.

Whose voice would you prefer for a Nigerian AI?

— Osaretin Victor Asemota (@asemota) December 21, 2016

We love this answer. Cracks us up. Can easily imagine it.

Generic Nigerian mother

"You better wake up, your mates have been awake since 5. Now, bring that remote and press "sleep". I want to rest https://t.co/FnfMne934g

— Thim (@FishBowlOfWine) December 21, 2016

7. James Ibori

James Ibori is back. Yaay. Don’t crucify me yet. Just mimicking the alleged actions of some our countrymen when they heard the news. James Ibori had been serving time in jail in the UK.

Bonus:

Racism. No comment.

https://twitter.com/RevMelech/status/811581922895917056

Whistleblowers

That’s right. As a Federal Government whistleblower, you stand to make 5% of the loot. They have to recover the loot first, though.

"How did you make this much money? What do you even do for a living?"

I'm an active whistleblower for the Federal Government of Nigeria. 🙂

— Gimba Kakanda (@gimbakakanda) December 21, 2016

Make Nigerians rich again.

And all the people of God shall say amin.

Back tomorrow.

Thinking Through