by Ifreke Inyang [@ifreke]
[ 24th Jan 2011 – 29th Jan 2011 ]
MONDAY: “I was at birthday party over the weekend..and the DJ was playing Nigerian songs.. the celebrant race down to the DJ and told him to stop!” @DejiAriyo tweeted. @seyekuyinu didn’t tell us about his weekend. He was more interested in today. His tweet was: “So the guy assigned to me for all my coke orders is called Monday. Oh what a beautiful Monday!” @pejublack’s Monday wasn’t going too well. Someone was tweeting subs at her and she reacted in her tweet. “If u don’t really understand my vision, do urself a huge favor by pingin me rather than throwin senseless subliminals…mumu,grow up! oshisko!” On the flip side, @Miss_Jayla was enjoying every bit of her twitter experience. “I have made some great friends off twitter,” she tweeted. “People I really love & would donate a kidney to. I’d be lying if I said twitter is not real..”
TUESDAY: There’s probably a huge gulf between what is real and what isn’t. And one of the trending topics today was #UnlikelyHeadlines. @Omoba_D1: “#UnlikelyHeadlines Ya’ardua is not dead and is just hidin’ sumwhr in Saudi..”, @burrafly: “#Unlikelyheadlines: Kenny G and Terry G are actually twins! Kehinde and Taiwo..”, @Saladboi: “#UnlikelyHeadlines Gulder Ultimate Search 8 to hold in UNILAG Botanical Garden”, @Trendeh: “#UnlikelyHeadlines Rihanna remembers her name and finally stops harassing Onana..”, @Schrise: “#UnlikelyHeadlines Leeds is a premiership club..” They are not. But in the second leg of this season’s Carling Cup semi-finals, they lost to a Premiership team, Arsenal. “So my Team is going to Wembley. *hurray* hope we gonna end the drought for trophies…” @ItsGerryGustavo tweeted excitedly.
WEDNESDAY: @Tuvie wasn’t having a drought of laughter and fun. And that’s why he wasn’t going to pay for a comedy show. His tweet read: “N7,500 for Regular tickets to ‘Comedy Titans’, I pay 3k BIS for free laughs on twitter for one month. I’ll pass…” @FarrouhkcanDoIt’s fun on twitter was under threat because of his Doctor’s orders. “My Doctor told my Dad to hide my BB if he wants me to get well soon.. Smh!” he told us in his tweet. It’s not just Nigeria that the BB fever has caught on. But the trending topic was #It’sOnlyInNigeria. @slimfingaz: “#It’sOnlyInNigeria that ur babe will buy U singlet or boxers on ur birthday and request a BB or iPhone on hers..”, @Ogagus: “#It’sOnlyInNigeria you know the next President is from PDP!!!”, @sunny_eyo: “#It’sonlyinNigeria that girls die for guys..”
THURSDAY: If that is actually true, then something must be wrong with that girl. Tweeps also tweeted similar stuff with the trending topic, #WhatsTheMatterWithYou. @iamVIDI: “You have Desmond Idiot’s (Eliot) song on your phone, iPOD, laptop or whatever? #WhatsTheMatterWithYou”, @saucekibaba:”U let a one nite stand stay for 2 days straight? #WhatsTheMatterWithYou”, “@Chuckydude: “You’ve been writing JAMB for more that 6yrz now and haven’t passed once #WhatsTheMatterWithYou”. @Ebuka passed his exams and he announced it gleefully on twitter. “All results are finally in & I officially have an LL.M. Now to get @NaetoC to do a rhyme for me 🙂 “ @Nemeze was thankful for something rather interesting. “My BB entered the toilet God has saved me once more,” she tweeted. “I am giving thanksgiving on Sunday for it…” @AndreBlaze was happy about the weekend for other reasons. “My mentor just landed in Lagos, and will be hosting a live hip hop event this evening at The Place! This is such a great weekend already!” he said in his tweet. @fraulinemarian didn’t share in any of these excitement. “So no frigging airport in Abia, no one to pick me from Owerri airport and I have to be in Imo for my cousins wedding.” She fumed.
FRIDAY: Although @harryubak didn’t connect a flight, he was still having issues on his trip. “I am still on my way to Jos,” he tweeted. “My bus broke down on the way and I had to get an alternative. Thatz additional expenses. #shittyfins.” @exschoolnerd took a journey back, exploring the archives of her blog and almost didn’t believe what she saw. “I used to b smart ooo..see me blogging about the Kerry and George Bush presidential campaigns in 2004..what happened to me?” she asked rhetorically in her tweet. @johnero who had already registered to vote in the upcoming elections wasn’t delighted when he picked up his card. “I collected my voter’s card today and I felt like tearing it,” he told us in his tweet. “The guy dat registerd me doesn’t know how to take pishurs…!”
SATURDAY: @4eyedmonk knew what MTN had to do and he told us in his tweet. “All MTN needs to do now is increase d internet data allowance to like 10GB & drop subscription to like 5k a month…I will voltron for them!” he promised. He probably tweeted that after rumours surfaced about rival telecoms firms dropping their prices drastically. There were other ‘rumours’ as the trending topic today was #RumourHasIt. @Razorekt: “#RumourhasIt that p**sy juice tastes like AGBALUMO!!”, @IAmB_C: “#RumourHasIt that @justinbeiber frequented michael Jacksons house dat year…#Gofigure”, @CuteNaija: “#RumourHasIt that Rita Koko Mansion Even Gbagauns in her Mind and Thots..”, @DeoluASA: “#RumourHasIt. That Mocheddah did Lips enlargement..”, @DrewBaba: #RumourHasIt Banky W wears more make up dan Goldie!”.
Gbagaun of the Week: Have your pick.
@ISKallah: @Hennyhorlar do you not drunk alcohol?”
@ladyarse:And this is why I should have went to bed.
@lilmissfoy: Retweet if u tink dere a hope 4 a Vals date.
@Tchy_d: Everybody’s gonna dies bt not everybody lives
@i9jarap: wat made u tot I was a gurl?
@RayJ: I love a women that smells fresh. What kind of soap does a sexy women use?
@greyosh7: C’mon Torres,u don’t actually wasn’t to join chelsea n leave us.
@Ogagus: #RumourHasIt that I’m have a threesome tonight
@tifesule: I feel so sleeping…:(“
@CeeJay_d_Baoss I’m play a video game..
@AdesojiElectron: I enjoying Rap in Hausa. Its fly
Tweet of the Week: @CosCanino – “I didn’t know it was you, you look so different without your make up, your long weaves, nails and extended eye lashes, I’m sorry..”
Quote my Tweet: @ik_osiakoduwa- “Guys, I had the rare honour of hearing some of the hits which @DONJAZZYMOHITS has cooked recently. Prepare for a year of grooving!”
Recommended: @obisomto is the photographer who took the stunning pictures of @Asa_Official for the next edition of @YNaija magazine. Follow him!
Retweet of the Week: @MoCheddaH tweeted and said, “For d 1st time in a while am actually not excited its friday….. Morning tweeps!” @ScriptKidd retweeted and said, “Ounkpe!!!”
Seriously Tweeting: @misundastudent – “So before I download the new season of Spartacus, I must know, does Jide Kosoko have a lead role or does he just make a cameo?”
Rant of the Week: @walefuse – “God wee punish GLO staffs , shareholders, the management and finally dere shity network IJN (amen)”
Twitter Drama: @Hennyhorlar: #UnlikelyHeadlines hi5 takes over twitter
@royalbosslady: U always chat rubbish here,gt busy bitch!!! Ur mate r wrkin or in sch gt a job
@Hennyhorlar: eyah so you’re still alive?? Sad to know! Okk so you’re d busy one abi?? Deadt swine! Idiot.. Omo ale jatijati.. If you mention me again ehn.. I will swear 4 u!!
@royalbosslady: u r dead long time ago, u spirit is just wonderin abt? Aids victim hidiot!!!
@Hennyhorlar: #deadt geh.. Buried n Gone!.. May ur soul rest in perfect peace… Amen.. Oloriburuku omo
@royalbosslady: fake report, I cn do dis my dear… U re already a dead meat!!!
@Hennyhorlar: so tey you gbagaun… Its a pity.. Oyaa go bck to ur bed/coffin..
@royalbosslady: ur father is gay too now… Aids victim… I pity d guy dt is datin you
@Hennyhorlar: okk lets c urs still.. Deadest meat… Dumb skull… I wish you all the bad tins tat dis life has got to offer you… All these problems shall be urs IJN.. All ur enemies problems shall be urs.. All the bad sickness in dis life shall be urs.. Wateva u lay ur hands on shall not prosper.. u will perish.. Poverty,sickness n sorrows shall be urs forever.. Amen..
@royalbosslady: everythin u wish 4 me, will happen 2 u nd ur generation nd ur family
@Hennyhorlar: Haaaaa dis geh is haf deadt… She died b4 she was born… Let me continue wit my prayers for u jare.. @ ur last tweet,back 2 sender.. So where did I stop? I said u won’t prosper n yes u won’t.. I said sickness upon sickness will visit u.. Yes ke.. Sorrows shall be urs oh yes… Poverty shall be leave urdoorstep oh yes… u will die a shameful death oh yes..
@royalbosslady: @Hennyhorlar @TwittaLavista ur mothers were raped by a mad man.u guys re a product of a mad man sperm dts y u re like dis… Mad man children
@Hennyhorlar: C’mon beast u are beginning to sound lyk an record… boring joo *now yawning*
@royalbosslady: at least i knw my father… Ur father is a mad man ur mother was raped by him mad man daughter ashawo oshi jealous of @tontolet
@Hennyhorlar: Haaaa.. Otu #Gbagaun… Its a pity… Wat has she achieved apart from bleached body n sluty ways.. omo odo tontolet… Oloyinbo oshi..
@royalbosslady: its nt ur bussiness , aristo babe comparin ha self to tonto dike she is ur age mate bitch
@Hennyhorlar: Oti fe te abi?? Oti kuri abi?? Oda be! u don’t need deliverance.. u need to be killed
We don’t even know if u α geh or α boy… Fake ass.. Disclose ur real identity let thunder strike u dead…
Wait o! Ur location na new york.. O_o.. u don reach ghana b4 as u dey so???
die joo.. Yes o aristo is the best… Them dey pay correct money n I don’t do cheap ones lyk the ones u n ur oga roll wit.. my BIS for a year has bn paid for.. Unlike u.. u av to sleep wiv Iya Sikiru’s son b4 u can connect for a wk… Hahahahahahahah