by Ifreke Inyang [@ifreke]

[18th Apr  – 23rd Apr, 2011]

MONDAY: “I don’t even know where to start this morning,” @SamDeeNaija tweeted. “Bout to just shower and drive outta this house. I just need to get so much done!” While his plan must have been to get something positive done, some people in the North did the opposite, as there were riots in some cities in protest against the results of the elections. “I think the notherners shud migrate to another place and form their own country,” @nnekaaaaa tweeted angrily. “They shud also implement their sharia law & kill their #!@%*# selves!” @Sal_VaDoR_ wondered what the all fuss was about. “You voted and your candidate wasn’t elected. I didn’t vote and I got the right president #WhoIsSmart?” @AdeYossie was rather worried that the President was silent on the issue. “Pls o! Where are the PDP supporters?” she asked in her tweet. “Where is ur president? This has been going on for hrs.. What is he doing abt this?! :s” The President may have remained silent but some of the corpers were making an effort. @nnabros told us about it. “Just called a corper in KD, the citizens are arming themselves to protect against any violence.  They’ve left their houses n are waiting.” he tweeted

TUESDAY: According to @nelsonisibor, those in Bayelsa will not leave their homes today. He told us why in his tweet: “So because GEJ won, today’s a public holiday in Bayelsa state? Some leaders need psychiatric evaluation. *smh*” While he wasn’t impressed about that, @olaDEL was happy with his hesitation to overspend. “I’m impressed with my bid to curtail spending the year o!,” he said in his tweet. “I’ve had a PS3 in my Amazon shopping basket since Friday and can’t just click buy!” @Hunklll tweeted about his friend who wasn’t ready to change his preferences just yet. “I was teaching ma friend how to use twitter and I turned to check ma BB. On turning back, he was back on facebook!” @mrfafo’s tweet humorously about his own friend. “I hv dis friend dat claims he has been in traffic so much, all d gala and handkerchief sellers know him and are always like, Bros B!”

WEDNESDAY: @BOUQUI2 didn’t seem to know many of her new BlackBerry contacts. “But really all these BB contacts I have and don’t know, they have never said hi or bye. They just forward messages! Do I need to keep them?” @ChiomaChuka sounded like she was having second thought about her friend. “So a friend of mine just put up pics on FB frm d Jos crisis last year. She’s asking that Muslims be chased frm Nigeria.. I think she’s stupid!” she tweeted. @HayzeeMoney told us before the Copa De Rey final that it was a stupid idea to think Real Madrid would win it. “I think my money is gonna b on Barcelona. That team is a finished product. Madrid is still work in progress..,” he tweeted, but once again, Jose Mourinho proved that he has the Midas touch as they beat the Catalonians 1-0 to lift the cup. “Mourinho doesn’t seem to lose in finals! At least they recover a bit of the money they’ve spent now” @mekuda tweeted.

THURSDAY:  Tweeps seemed to agree, as one of the trending topics today was #MoneyCannotWaste. @Bsucrose: “Yu eat lunch at hilton yu no beleful….I eat lunch at iya basira I no fit waka again #MoneyCannotWaste”, @Deen_sayz: “U get DSTV 4 house, Me na Get Free2Air I get, no be Foreign Channel we all the watch?  #MoneyCannotWaste”,  @losgiddy: “I drink Lipton Tea and dry the teabag on a clothes line to use the next day!!!!  #MoneyCannotWaste”, @iKilledMario: “Loboutins?? Abeg buy Primark shoes, there’s red paint in the garage #Moneycannotwaste” @junkyp’s advice was for the guys. His tweet was: “Neva give a lady all ur numbers, unless she means something to you ,,coz some of dem na stalker suppose be dia middle name!” @tayo_alayo was probably one of them as she was now on Justin Bieber’s trail. “I haff die finally! So ayam followin Justin Bieber………dat boy wey I fit born..”

FRIDAY: @ollylicious was surpised by her younger brother’s new attitude. Her tweet was: “My lil bro likes my elder sis more dan me cuz when he was younger, I ws d only 1 he feared so they sent him 2me 4discipline..nw he hs wings sha!” @SugarCaneBaybee had a similar opinion – that Twitter has given some people wings. “Twitter has given sum boiz mouth sha!” she tweeted. “Girls sef, Respct urslvz mahn! Not erry d**k is blowable biko!!” @iamVIDI was more interested in feeling his stomach. “I need chow & I aint talking about fancy food. I need me some local food. I wonder if Ghana High will be open today..” he asked rhetorically. @Bossikeh was already having more than enough satisfaction from his music collection. “I’m in d zone nw,” he declared. “I just found ma Mode9 stack and I’m bobbin to Pentium IX,frm there back to Malcom IX,& den forward to DavinciMode.Its on! I’m going in!”

SATURDAY: Tweeps in Nigeria went into the weekend knowing that they could have fun as it wasn’t another election Saturday. @mz411 complained about aguy who she thought was having a bit too much. “This dude on my table has finished 2 bottles of guinness. He has DEMANDED wine and swallow…..I wonder what gift he gave the couple!” she tweeted. At the event @iamkjv was at, the couple had a lot of gifts to share. “This wedding na ceiling fan remain to share o,” he said in his tweet. “From handkerchief to omo to uncle benz rice, to cup, even alomo!!!” @Tufab had a bitter taste in his mouth and it wasn’t from alomo. He had prayed fervently for Man Utd to drop points against Everton but Everton conceded a late goal in the game. “This useless Everton equalized late against Chelsea and got us disqualified from the F.A Cup! When e reach our turn dem go smoke!” he tweeted angrily. @AngelHear_T is apparently in the UK, but she wasn’t interested in football. She was already looking forward to the next weekend. “It’s gonna be another long weekend next week. Royal wedding friday + mayday :)” she tweeted excitedly.

Gbagaun of the week: Have your pick!

@iykeboss: Choi! Nigerian movies smh…some won sopposedly shot a “shotgun” and it sounded lyk banger

@I_am_emax: Do anyone no d opposite of DE JAVU?

@gokesean: @Twiterave how would we know the results and when do the voting end?

@Mr_teeKAY: Da fans are booing Michael Owen……. My coach is chews on…..

@EW: Lady Gaga gets nearly naked, slams haters, and defends ‘Born This Way’ in new interview. And @ifi_alexander’s retweet was “And why she fell off d piano?”

@jennycute18: very good he got catch in the stupid act

@bleezers: I don’t smoke n I don’t drinks

@damain_sags: I heard INEC just do an April Fools prank to Nigerians

@FalodeESQ: Hope i lives till i get home i’m tired of eatin what they eats in Rome.

@sherlieseara: I hate fall.. because that really made me pain

@Rheptile: I just hate Sperm mails

Recommended: Follow @pheary, @seyizy and @slimMariam this week and ask for a follow back.

Rant of the week: @Miss_Tola:Dis girl has sent me over 40 BCs since she got on my list on friday! I’m gonna delete her ass soon!

Tweet of the week: @Illuminatish: as garri don finish 4 house, wetin man wan take do visitors’ snacks?

Retweet of the week: RT:: @pheary: I wanna be a rock star………—Reply:: @kblewin: Pple in hell want snow

Seriously tweeting: @flylaby I Imagine pete Edoche and patience Ozokwu as ma in-laws! I won’t be surprised if I c at dier gates BEWARE OF MA PARENTS

Quote my tweet: @4eyedmonk: The NYSC should withdraw all corpers from working for INEC during elections. My name is Henry Okelue

Twitter Fight: Excerpts of the three-way fight between @Willybang, who is said to be on the KnightHouse record label and two girls, @MissHawtLegz26 and @Bosslaydee_ZEE.

@MissHawtLegz26: He also said “Rosemary hw can i date dis Fat ugly 16yrs old kid shez just lukn 4 attention”lwkm”

@Bosslaydee_ZEE: Cc @Willybang RT @MissHawtLegz26: He also said “Rosemary hw can i date dis Fat ugly 16yrs old kid shez just lukn 4 attention”lwkm”

@MissHawtLegz26: Lmao! u can just call him nw!

@MissHawtLegz26: OMG babe just call him.. u r inviting him on twitter? I swear even him cannot stand dis!

@Bosslaydee_ZEE: CC@Willybang@MissHawtLegz26: Oh i 4got 2 tell u i read ur chatz wiv him,u were d one beggn 4 his love lmao”

@MissHawtLegz26: @Bosslaydee_ZEE u jst made a fool of ur sef u cc’d him who wnts 2 destroy hez stardom nw?babe grow up abeg u r jst complicatn tins

@MissHawtLegz26: I left him 4 u nd u r still ff me up nd down na so u like me reach? sho? Av decided 2 keep quiet but u r puttn ur hand in my mouth!

@MissHawtLegz26: Is it my fault dat am beautiful nd sexy? nd dat u luk like a chimpanzee? If he truly loves u he won’t say u r just a fan in d UK?!

@MissHawtLegz26: U wan die untop Agba wey u never see b4 *smh* UK pikin! @Bosslaydee_ZEE why do u wanna kill ursef nw on top boi? u r jst 16 o no go die

@MissHawtLegz26: @Willybang wait do u really wanna do dis?

@Willybang: U knw I bin quiet..nw u crossd d line.. bring it on if u ready..

@MissHawtLegz26: U really wanna do dis in public don’t 4get I av nothing 2 lose o

@MissHawtLegz26: @Willybang hayam ready brokeass idiot dis waz d same bitch u lied abt,nw u r supportn her cos she has nt given u money yet?Lmao

@MissHawtLegz26: Oh b*tch u r too ugly 2 be famous! He denied u cos u r ugly wat makes u tink he won’t again ode

@MissHawtLegz26: @Willybang u r jst a fool,if u cnt handle ur relationship hw r u gonna handle stardom?

@Willybang: U will b ma manger na..

@MissHawtLegz26: At least i dnt borrow my friends bb 2 tweet mscheeew broke ass fool. Today evrybody will knw who u really are courtesy of ur b*tch!

@MissHawtLegz26: @Willybang U r just a kid 4 replyn. I paid 4 ur BIS nd i’ll do dat all over again broke ass!

@Bosslaydee_ZEE:  Geez bitch wah do u want a thank u Note? U can like to go nd announce on tv o! Hw much did u pay for d BIS lemme write u a cheque!

@MissHawtLegz26: @Willybang am ready waitn 4 u nw let’s do dis!

@Willybang: Oya ur first job.. go f**k urslf..

@MissHawtLegz26: Pple like u dnt make it 2 stardom easily after errtin I swear, but wait who knws u?

@Bosslaydee_ZEE: Geez bitch wah do u want a check?

@MissHawtLegz26: Like seriously? fool where do u tink he gets call crdt 2 call u 4rm?

@Bosslaydee_ZEE: Bitch iz dat not ur JOB?

@MissHawtLegz26: @Bosslaydee_ZEE hez d one dat needs ur money cos hez broke u cn gv him d check ok?

@Bosslaydee_ZEE: DEN SHUT D FUCK UP HOe nd luk for anoda nigga to f**k on twitter

@MissHawtLegz26: Plz if u see did dude on stage throw him pure water hez an immature goat Cc: @Willybang

@Bosslaydee_ZEE: Tank ur starz u dint find d gbemie chick sweardown she wnt b as nice as I am!

@MissHawtLegz26: U r d one dt is suppose 2 do dat fat fool dey r 2geda mumu

@Bosslaydee_ZEE: Heheheheh chicken wingz! Ave a job honey! Am nt dependin on daddy! Wait a min u Fuck around ! Datz.a JoB!

@MissHawtLegz26: Ah waz tlkn since wiv no bak up u didn’t reply nw u av bak up nd u r tlkn! B*tch u need surgery u r jst too ugly Cc: @Bosslaydee_ZEE

@Bosslaydee_ZEE: Seee fine geh wey pimplez don contruct shoppin mall for her face!

@MissHawtLegz26: Lmao pimplez free face u luk like shrek fool

@MissHawtLegz26: OMG she can’t take it again d b*tch, @Bosslaydee_ZEE jst calld me! @Willybang oga ode plz tell ur gf 2 stop calln me on my line o!

@Willybang: @Bosslaydee_ZEE…I told u to leave dat bitch alone..dis is d last time i’ll say it

@MissHawtLegz26: Chai @Bosslaydee_ZEE doesn’t even knw hw 2 speak english OMG u were tlkn like omo ghetto wen u clld

@MissHawtLegz26: Plz o am nt fightn 4 a guy o itz dis @Bosslaydee_ZEE fool dat is disturbn me o cos she tinks I still av smtin 2 do with him

@MissHawtLegz26: We dated I paid ur bills wat else do u want dude?

@Willybang: @MissHawtLegz26..Rose ur just a b*tch..I know @wizkidayo is nxt on ur list..holla wen u want him..dumbass.

@MissHawtLegz26: The truth is he tld me he waz broke nd dt i shud send money tld d fool i waz writting examz nd he stopped clln

@Willybang: Y ya’ll beggin me to stop..i’m gona kip quiet nd act like a bitch cos I dot want bad publicity..

@MissHawtLegz26: @Bosslaydee_ZEE hez a used toy bitch u can av him!

@Bosslaydee_ZEE: Bitch least ah forget u need feminine wash! Cheap tramp!

@MissHawtLegz26: Dis happened a long time ago o shez d one bringn bak everytin… She strtd everytin cos she tot i waz still datn him abeg o