Twitter Round-up!

by Ifreke Inyang [@ifreke]

[25th Apr  – 30th Apr, 2011]

MONDAY:  Today was Easter Monday and so it was a holiday. @ekwem didn’t see the need. “So why is easter Monday a holiday?,” he asked. “Wot did Jesus do today?” It wasn’t a holiday for @Nixienuga and she was pissed that she had to take her kids to work. “Happy Drag-your-whole-family-to-work-cos-creche-is-closed Day!” she declared with sarcasm. @The7eventhDigit’s anger was with the network.  “Even with the heavy downpour from last night till this morning, BIS is still as sh!tty as ever!” she tweeted, while @WF_SimonSEEZ’s network seem to be pretty good ,as he was even asking for links. “Someone make my Easter and give me a download link to ‘born for this’ by HHP, Tear Gas and Liquid Deep..” he tweeted. What @AngelHear_T asked for was completely different. “never knew my tweets hurt this much,” she wondered in her tweet. “People abeg unfollow me before my tweets cause any pyschology prob to ur health…I’m lost. Totally lost!”

TUESDAY:  Today was the Governorship election and @Zwagger wasn’t interested in answering any questions about who she voted for. “Yes I voted. Pliz dnt ask who for. May d best candidate win and may it be peaceful across d country. oya phcn give us light! we don vote!” she tweeted. While she had voted and was lounging at home, @deehumorous implored residents of his state not to stay at home. “Pls Rivers residents, don’t stay at home and say that Amaechi has won already. Pls come out and cast ya vote!” @BabatundeJnr was also canvassing for people to vote for the incumbent in Lagos. “Fashola is trending. I hope Lagosians will go out and vote for him. let make it over 5 million votes for our able governor..”. @SleekDivaMakida planned to vote but she also planned to do some chores. “I am determined to do a bit of laundry, vote and actually wash the car today. So help me God!” she prayed in her tweet. @som1twisted’s prayer was for someone who caused him some discomfort. “Btw may God bless d bastard dt caused me wt an infected, swollen tonsil + throat frm d day I entad abj 2 d day I got back 2 lag.. Hiss!” he tweeted.

WEDNESDAY: @P_TohBad’s discomfort was with her choice of clothing today. Her tweet was: “Abeg, I can’t be wearing skirt lyk dis jooh! I hav to kip closing my legs! Hw wud air nw enta nw? :|”. @Prodeegy stood by the entrance of a rest room with ulterior motives. “I like staying close to the female toilet in movida. The traffic of girls here is madd. See different sizes of a$$. Dayumm!” he tweeted. @kimiphibia wasn’t too pleased with news he just heard. “Just when I was about to smile after hearing Etisalat BIS is now 1k8, I hears it’s 2G. Kmt!” @EddieMadaki’s anger was with something – or someone else. “Why do pple ask for loans wit yanga? If u didn’t need den go spend ur own money. Twat!” he fumed. @PengBoiz on the other hand was in dire need of such resources. His tweet said: “So many things to do, there is little time + where are the resources? :-/ …Where is that helping hand when you need one? *sigh*” @baybbootz needed a helping hand, as she was too lazy to switch from the channel she was watching. “African magic should just stop this rubbish!!! I’m lazy to reach out for the remote o!!” she vented.

THURSDAY: @olumeday was ready to take his anger a step further. “I am royally pissed off right now… Off to use some human heads as target practise. *call the ambulance*” he threatened in his tweet. @Sir_Scribbles’s threat was directed at his friend. “In oda news, my friend is camping outside cos she wants to see the Royal wedding procession,” he announced. “Make I hear any excuse wen my time reach! Kmt!” @iamseunk wasn’t ready to know what excuses his service provider had as he had found an alternative. “So My BB services from Tmobile have not been working since last nite…Thank God for WiFi in my house sha!” he said in his tweet. @Ebuka was thankful for something different. “Simon Kolawolé just sent me an sms and it ended with “I love your writing!” I swear, I’m putting it in my resumé… Wow!!!” he tweeted.

FRIDAY: Chiddy Bang not only wowed us with his punchlines, he also broke a Guinness World Record. @Moballer_Banks tweeted congratulations to the rapper. “Congratulations to Chiddy Bang. He broke the World Rap record for longest freestyle ever. 9 hours Straight!” That didn’t get as much attention as the Royal Wedding. Twitter was awash with tweets, retweets and twitpics of the event. What caught @RaufTheBaous’s attention and made him say a word of prayer however, was the cars used. “That Jaguar make sense die! I should get that for my 25th birthday *bows 2 pray*” his tweet said. @Tufab’s joke inspired from the Royal Wedding was hilarious. “If there’s anything like Presidential Wedding here in Naija and it’s Iyabo, OBJ’s daughter gerrin married, I’ll sell my TV dat day!” @djstago held the opinion that the wedding took place today because it is no competition for the English Premier League. “The #RoyalWedding is  happening today because it can’t compete with EPL –  @Chelseafc v Spurs / @Arsenal v Man U!” he declared.

SATURDAY: Today was the Chelsea vs Spurs game and Chelsea won rather controversially. @Ovie was pissed, ad his tweet said that much: “Chelsea FC: A bunch of cheats and divers who have the English FA on their payroll. Utter disgrace!”. That’s usually the allegations most people level against Manchester United. @lumeelogan sent a warning to those who indulged in it. “If after this Chelsea match you still call United PDP, look at your father and you’ll know where your stupidity came from!” @chingyegez’s anger was directed at another girl who was wooing her. “Ahn ahn! One babe has bin inboxing me since mawning on facebook….. She’s disturbing me….. And av told her I don’t do gurls….. WTF!” @eggheader wondered what the new trend among the girls on his timeline was all about. “I screened my TL and it’s amazing the number of girls competing to attach “sapphire” to their twitter handle. Not that they even got colour!”

Gbagaun of the week: Take your pick!

@diza5: I parking d car in d garage I wake up in d mrnin but d rim is still spinin.

@calibird1: Thank u God 4 a wonderful performs

@StoNe_LuV1: So they can sat down

@iAmLoso_: I should’ve went for that spring fling dance

@smokeypresh: I’m not more feeling sleeping because of @damidondada

@gbengaadesoji: @iviebaileys every morning I will raining curses on your head

@icebergdvon: But you left me to frozen up in the cold

@RealDozyWillz: Can’t believe I mistaken

@buddycrank :messi scored 2 goal in 1 matches!!

@johnronartest: I’m very sleep bt I don’t wanna take a nap

@Lil_DmZ_FaBz: I’m listening to put am for gear that was sanged by Faze

Recommended: Follow @bombom2k4, @FaithNaija and @dazzlinDio and ask for a follow back.

Rant of the week:  @mizspaghetti: U are stupid.. Get your white ass here and look 4 my document! I paid top dollar translation and attestation at your embassy in Nigeria. White Trash!

Tweet of the week: @CodeEM3:The #RoyalWedding cost more than Fernando Torres, but d difference is that Prince Charles will score tonight… (*_*)

Retweet of the week:  @temiokomi:Or else? You no get boobs, silicone or otherwise. Why you go scare me? Seriously. RT @toki81281: @temiokomi bros better readd me now

Seriously tweeting: @mizspaghetti: Honestly, ppl should do terms & conditions b4 going into relationship. U must be available whenever I need u and not turn me to jellybrain…

Quote my tweet: @azizauko:I think Tunde Bakare is a hardhearted man. He remembered the fire that burnt his house but none of the lives lost in the past week.

Twitter Fight: Twitfight  was between @Blazechillen (Grind entertainment) vs @bigshotyommie (Inxecess ent). The dates of their parties clash on 2nd of June. Hence the mudslinging and handbags they threw about on Twitter.

@Blazechillen: owk nw dat yall r in ur place #InTheGround as the dead bois dat u r…ts JUNE 2ND….and GRIND is neva gonna disappoint U…

@bigshotyommie: @deejaydoug Emmm you put a Party on the Same day with INEXCESS so pple can know d name of ur club….now bitch dats called FAMZING

@deeejaydoug: Google better days for ur life…cos u be Dead…

@bigshotyommie:wud u stay at d gate of a party dahs flopping…n u wee b beggn 2 enter it?

@Blazechillen: all u can say is u dnt see me wiv gurls….well I dnt loud ma ish…MATURITY comes first…..#getalife dude…..

@bigshotyommie: Ok..dis jim boi is funny sha….nt matured? Buh everything u do in ur life..u come 2 me 1st 4 advice..ask any highrise boi..stunna said so

@bigshotyommie:@tobibakre ask ke? 4 a deadt guy? Nah mehn..u av jes words mate…ask bou ‘stunna’..ameebo sef carry am

@bigshotyommie: @tobibakre fyn bois..ow many p***y u use am f**k?

@tobibakre U can like 2 ask around. No need to go far.

@Blazechillen: Same car u beg me eretym 2 carry u in…..sadmuch…..JIM is family mehn…we dt have real friends knw it…dead

as unattractive as daye is..d bbe left u 4 him sha..U NEED HELP…..

@bigshotyommie:Forget afsat…daiye nack pass henry jooo

@Blazechillen: daye sef dey tlk sha…..smh…lemme just free…all ur gfs dah u ask out just 2 get dem 2 kiss u….

@bigshotyommie:Wf d car…dah yall dnt own..join all d babes yall fuck 2geda…yomi f**k pass una

out of pity…lol..ow dumb can dis dudes get?

@Blazechillen: nicca when u can get a clean nt A GBESHE bbe to actually fuck u..lemme knw k….

@Blazechillen: u only evn got ur GF thru inxs…..I WONDER IF u really have a LIFE????…..sigh….I cry 4 u…

@bigshotyommie:Mobile boys? Can u really afford a car? Can u even afford to feed yourself? g-down

@Blazechillen: nicca u v bin on d system all ur lyf n all u kud manage wz a BBYBOI??…wow..wht do guys call dat….#epicfail…..

@bigshotyommie: av a car…u too? Nahh..I own mine..ur popsy owns urs..*self-made g*

@bigshotyommie: I drive a babyboy…henry is always in jims popsyz car…what do gels call dat again?

@Blazechillen: haha…yup..n I will fuck u up with dem biceps too if u make me..dnt hate…u get smelling p***ies datz y d whole world knows,,,am coded!

@bigshotyommie:U cnt be famous 4 driving a muscle? *common* ets only ur deadt guys dah hype u…

@bigshotyommie:Na u gym pass…one p***y u no f**k..henry deadt guy chillin..dnt mess wf stunna daddy

@Blazechillen: nicca u do random gurls n ur happy…half d gurls u have fucked hv dne it with deader bois..plz dnt flatter ursef….

@bigshotyommie girls dat av f**kd u did it out of pity n ur pressure attack. nt d same on d side bro

@Blazechillen: HAHA….ma nicca begged ma chick 2 add him..aawwwww…..+ u dnt have to ask evry gurl out b4 u kiss dem..get ur game up….

@bigshotyommie:Well jim nt matured…cudnt hug ma x in public…bla bla bla…nt surprisd..dumb boi dumb only amebo go believe amebo..

@Blazechillen: nigga 4get…i get myn..u just cant seee d bbz…dey r way up der..n u ma frnd…r nt FIT enuf…..FORGET!!….

@Blazechillen: ur tester stole ur babe…aawwww..pele bobo…we dnt run around with sluts…get2know

@bigshotyommie:Ur ex is a kid mehn…fyn boi mumu oshi..who givs a f**k? Only prostitutez..dahs u **e

@Blazechillen: fuck this ur with d hottest chick init…..AM sure dem orda men know how gud she is in bed……go figure nicca

@Blazechillen: u surround ur lyf around a flippng BABYBOI….well ts obvious..ur gonna have dt car fot a VERY LONG TYM….get ur grades up nigga….STFU

@Blazechillen: am sorry dt my GF is not a slut n i dnt do random bbz 4 u to hear….aaawww #iseewhyyourmad

@bigshotyommie: Henry sef dey tlk o…lol..when u r into babes..lemme no..#okbye

@blazechillen: u only evn got ur GF thru inxs…..I WONDER IF u really have a LIFE????.

@jimforeveryoung I fink she was Fuking his Uncle..dats how dey met

Comments (16)

  1. that #TweetOfTheWeek is on point mahn!!!! wonder what his Chelsea followers would have said to him tho. couldn't finish the twitfight cos it felt a bit stupid at some point.

  2. Another Nice piece by Ifreke!I think Martins is just being cynical about this piece! Pretty funny as u can see in most of the other comments! The fight was dumb tho',but that dumbness was 4 d fighters,Ifreke's job was to report it!Which he did in details! If u feel dere r funnier tweets than ds,then contribute 4m ur TL so we can all benefit!Keep it up @ifreke!Room 4 improvement tho'

  3. This week tweetfighters r boring, wack, d fight is pointless. The gbagauns r kool though. Nice piece.

  4. The round-up was aite,d tweet of d week was funny save d fact it shld av bin WILLIAMS instead of Charles and i agree wiv @mizspaghetti's SERIOUS tweet. Dis twifight no hard jor,i heard there was a twitfight btw @stanvito and @mrfixnigeria wit @proffiammari making guest appearance,i'd hoped to read d details hia. All in all,Well Done,'Freks

  5. Fabulous as usual bt dat twitfight ehn! Smh …..ifreke toh quality hehehe

  6. Not so good this week @ifreke. Maybe the hard hitters didnt tweet or something- there were massive tweets about the royal wedding that was ynaija twitter round-up material- didnt see them…
    I guess u'd bring it next week… You did an ok job

  7. The gbagauns! were sooooo entertaining! LOL. I'm pretty certain there will be tweetfights every week! I loved this post. U should follow me to see what I get up to! @Sisi_Yemmie 😀

  8. Round up was cool, gbagauns killed me but that twitfight…they should line dose guyz up n shoot em all…#epicfail

  9. Nice round up. . . Especially the Rant of d week!!! All the club boys can like to get a life. . . Ladies Reason- U -shouldnt-date a club boy – Ur sex life wud make a debate topic!!! Nice 1 Ifreke!

  10. twitfite, one word for the fighters 'PERVERTS! Gbagaun section On point

  11. Lol Gbagauns are outstanding as ever…

  12. yyyaaaaaayyy!!!!!! Am 1of d recommended followers!!! :D. D fight aint dat fun doh but d gbagauns! Jheezz… Were de sleeptweeting? Gud Lawd! Cool Ifreke pls try 2 cc @Its_CynFia nxt tym.. :D. Did i gbagaun??

  13. Nice round-up…Congratulations to Chiddy Bang for his Guinness World Record… (Y)

  14. wow! Ifreke u killed it xcludin d tweetfight… hahahahahaha gbagaun toh critical

  15. Lmaooo!! " 2 goal in 1 matches " ?? Ahhh hahaha dem gbagauns do! Tweet of the week, twitfight all on point! Nice one bro!

  16. Tweet of the week has Prince Charles scoring?was he the one getting married?and of all the Royal wedding jokes that they these horrible ones where the best of the bunch?Really disappointed this week. The less said about the twitfight with two idiots engaging in text speak the better. Could read beyond the first two lines before I gave up. Please do a whole lot better next week!

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